11 December 2006

Hi my name is Hugh Jass

So here I am 6 months post-birth and I figured I have the right to one big whinge about my body. Actually, in the big scheme of things, I have little to complain about, as you wouldn't necessarily know I'd had a baby recently... I think swimming must tone those stomach muscles back into shape. So this is more of a general whinge....

...Sprurred by an attempt to buy some new pants. I always find this traumatic. My body has a narrowish waist, "good thighs and calves" (ie muscly yet with a good softening layer of fat), short legs and round hips. Call me a muscly pear. Jeans are designed for people with narrower legs and hips, and longer legs. Therefore at best I'll find jeans that fit perfectly but need to be taken up.

I don't have a pot belly, therefore side-on, I'll look in the mirror and think to myself "yeah, you're kinda in shape, go you!". Today I tried on some jeans at shop where usually I find exactly the right size and fit (bar length) and found not only had I gone up a size, but MY ARSE LOOKED HUGE! Arrrrgh!

Then there's my arms. They are getting quite muscly also from lifting and carrying an 8kg child around quite a lot. Arms also have soft protective fatty layer on top of muscle therefore appear quite large. The other day I saw a photo taken of me where I swear my arms looked so big I looked like a transvestite - a man dressed up as a woman, except of course I am a woman and would rather look like one (no offence to anyone who wouldn't rather). Worse still, this picture of me is floating around on the net somewhere on someone else's site. Would love to ask them to pull said photo, but it's the only one of me taken at a social occasion, and I'd feel very superficial asking them to do so.

Not suprising really. I have kind of eased off on the pavement pounding lately, and probably overindulging a touch with the food. So short of C-chan's most helpful suggestion that if it bothers me so much why don't I walk around sideways all the time so people can see my "good sides"*, I'm going to make sure I walk a bit more every day (properly, not side on), swim twice a week, and cut down on some foody overindulgences... Nice, sensible, gradual, nothing too drastic. Well let's see.

*he of course is humouring me and doesn't see what all the fuss is about...

10 December 2006

Puree and Simple


Happy half birthday to E-chan, who was born exactly 6 months ago. Doesn't time fly?

With this age comes starting solid foods. Interesting process, I'm finding. After a month or two of having E-chan watch us LIKE A HAWK every time we ate or drank, we started with the classic allergy safe first food, rice cereal. Then every 3-4 days, we introduce a new food (to make sure there is no adverse reaction). If he doesn't like something or finds the texture strange, he does the funniest little grimace, which I wish I could capture on camera for you all to see, but I'm usually to busy stiffling my laugh. If he LOVES something, he is generally trying to lean forward towards the spoon or even lick his bib!

Most things are really easy to prepare - wash, peel, steam, then blend or mash. Zucchini was a bit tricky - followed a recommendation to "press through a sieve" (but book must have been having a laugh, as zucchini will not press through even a course sieve) then tried to blend, but didn't have enough volume, so had to steam some more and then blend (really hoping at this stage that E-chan would like it).

It took him about 2 weeks to get the hang of chewing and swallowing food. We give him the spoon with a bit of food in it to play with at the end - and food gets smeared and flung everywhere! Gradually, we'll make the texture lumpier, and once he has some toothy-pegs, we'll give him finger food to feed himself.

Tools of the trade: plastic spoons, little containers and bowls to heat up small portions of foods up in, ice cube trays to freeze small portions, old plastic tablecloth to use as drop sheet over carpet, highchair, wipable bibs. So here's E-chan's rating of foods so far, in order of introduction...

Rice cereal: ho hum.... (OK with a twist of banana)
Pear: ummm? (possibly a bit gritty, but liking it better now)
Sweet potato: yum!
Banana: YUUUUUUUUUUUM! What is this stuff and where can I get more!!
Zucchini: Yum!
Pumpkin: Yum!

Contenders for next foods will probably be broccoli, carrot, green beans, apple and apricot, and some other cereals...oats or possibly wheat. Soon hopefully he will take some lentils and then maybe even some minced or shredded meat. I can't wait until I can cook kid-friendly food that all 3 of us can eat! - but that is about 6-12 months off. In the meantime, it's purees and mashes, and a little bit goes a long way, given his average non-milk meal size is about a tablespoon.

What FUN!

30 November 2006

Hangin' with da Mums

I like my Mother's Group - we're a nice mix of quiet and polite vs loud and a little naughty, technical and "wouldn't have a clue how to change a light globe or send email" types. We come from all sorts of backgrounds, and we're not all heterosexual either. Professions vary - lawyer, marketing manager, dietitian, long-haul flight attendant, banker, telco investment manager, civil servant, cafe manager, conference organiser... one mum works at a museum, another at NIDA. This is nice, as I usually seem to meet people in similar lines of work to me or C-chan. And no horrible cliquey-ness. Ok, so there are 2 mums who sometimes have annoyingly exclusive conversations in a group setting, but usually there are too many of us for that to matter.

And the babies - at first I didn't find them all cute, but now I'm sure they all are! Either they're hitting that cute 6-month-old age, or a secondary "my child is the cutest" mindset kicks in and with time you start to find your friends babies cuter than your average person would think.

We meet in a park most Tuesdays, but need to find an indoor venue on rainy or ridiculously hot days. This is hard - there are not many sheltered places around. Our best options are places where you have to buy stuff (lunch, or a coffee at least). Most of us don't have big enough lounge rooms or yards (if any). There are only a couple of cafes that can handle our 10 or so prams all in one go, but there are a few pubs around with either big rooms that are largely empty during the day, or a beer garden. That's right, mums'n'bubs in pubs! Some don't allow children in, but other Pubs don't seem to mind us coming. We are often buying stuff, and come during off peak hours.

On Tuesday, we tried out a pub in our area that has been closed for renovations for a good year or so (hint: it had a Thai Restaurant downstairs - and it will again, but that bit is still being finished off). We had a nice time in air conditioned comfort. Then one man walk past and say "You mothers ought to be ashamed of yourselves!!". For what?! we wondered? Taking our babies into non-smoking areas of a pub while we eat and drink softies!? Then someone made a point of being blocked by our prams (when she could have walked around another way - you know how sometimes you get the feeling that people are saying things to make a point rather than because of need?

The actual Publican seemed to like us being there and actually came up and asked if we were OK. Some people just aren't comfortable with babies around, nor can they fathom people being in a pub to do things other than getting plastered. Others just stare as if it's the most unusual think they ever saw!

Now that our babies are getting more active (one little boy will be crawling any day now), they get restless in their prams, so cafes and pubs won't really be appropriate soon. Will have to check out a couple of playgroups around in our area... Never really fathomed the value of community centres and playgroups before having E-chan. But you have to get out, meet other parents, or you'd get serious cabin fever and have a seriously bored child on your hands.

In Japan (Tokyo/Yokohama more specifically), they have these fantastic and massive indoor playgyms - things to climb, build, hide under. I suppose they have to have places kids can play when it's freezing or monsoonal outside. I wish councils could build some here, especially in denser inner-city areas where roads are busy, and yards are small or non-existant. Maybe I'll get some pictures from My Brother the Expat and send them to my council as an idea?

29 November 2006

That's it! Books aside for occasional reference only!

I have decided to shelve parenting books for a while. Sure, they have their place... especially at first when everything is new and wierd, when trying to get an idea of where your baby fits in the spectrum of things. Also when you are reaching a new developmental phase - such as introducing solid foods. But not to be consulted for every fricken little change to tell you whether it should be happening or not, or to tell you what your baby should be doing at each minute of the day!! I see this happening around me - parents have one or two nights where bub is waking up more frequently than "normal", and they're on the phone to the Tresilian helpline, asking advice.

Not suprisingly, I was reading something the other day which commented on how the rise in the number of self professed "parenting experts" is disempowering for parents, as it makes them feel inadequate. Also, it takes advantage of the fact that traditional parent support (granny, aunts and uncles or even the old lady up the road) are no longer available to help parents raise kids. This resonated strongly with me.

Instead of wondering if I should read a different parenting book to get answers, I think I should trust my instincts and ability to think laterally with E-chan. I was fortunate enough to have very loving, sensible parents, and should trust that I can take a lot from how they raised me when he is a bit older. Also, I think rather than accept solitude and books as my only option with all my family interstate or overseas, I'm better off building support networks within my mother's group. After all, mothers learn best from talking and sharing experiences.
That means tolerating differences in opinion and approach, and getting other mums to tolerate my opinions and approach - our options for sharing the care of E-chan are paid care, people I met less than 6 months ago (and whom C-chan has barely gotten to know) at mother's group, plus a few close and trusted friends. Frightening, really, the rate at which we need to build trusting relationships, but sometimes you just have to put yourself out there. Although both C-chan and I came from a loving and sensible families, they were also quite sheltered, which can cause us to look inwards and towards like-minded people rather than outwards when in times of need. But we both want E-chan to experience people with a wide range of philosophies, approaches, interests etc in his life, and we simply cannot provide him with all of that ourselves. Our immediate family couldn't provide that even if they were in the same city...

28 November 2006

From the mouth of babes

Somewhere amongst the baby babbles and goo's in the past few weeks, we think E-chan may have uttered his first word... there has been a lot of "da da da dad da da da"ing in the past week or so, and the other night after I'd changed E-chan and took him out to say good night, he looked straight at his dad and said "da da!". That was the first time we noticed the use of this monosyllabic word in context! There haven't been many repeat performances of "da da" being used to call for his dad, unfortunately, which either means a) he's calling out for his dad all the time and finds me boring, or b) it really just was a coincidence.

It seems common that baby's first word in many languages is often Dada - probably because of the ease with which the consonent "D" is uttered. But this also means that somewhere along the line, when the Indo European language was forming, some people decided that the first word babies utter should mean "father". At a BBQ the other day, a number of Mums were grumbling about how typical this was, and how it must have been men that instigated this word's meaning. However, I'm thinking it's possible that back then, in the days when godesses of fertility were worshipped, women probably had a lot of sexual power - only they knew who they had lain with and could say for sure who the father was. Therefore if a man was a decent type they wanted to stick around and help raise kiddy, they probably were flattering the man into thinking the baby's first word was referring to them. Which would have been quite smart, when you think about it. Just a postulation - no way of knowing for sure.

It seems that the next word is likely to be "mama maam ma" when E-chan is veryupset - yet to see that one though. Other possible words coming from E-chan's mouth include "Al Gore" this morning and "truffle" the other day, which I like to think indicate heightened environmental awareness (I did take him to see "An Inconvenient Truth" a few months back after all...), and a highly discerning palate (oh crap!) respectively.

23 November 2006

Gratuitous baby shot...


Here's one of my favourite recent photos of E-chan and me. He's a whopping 8.1kg (or was last week), which is bigger than the average 5 month old. In the photo we were visiting a friend who had a 3 week old at the time! So tiny in comparison! I had forgotten how weak and delicate newborns are. They squeak rather than cry! And they are so easy to lift, which is good from my friend, who had to have a caesarian and therefore has very weak stomach muscles.






And another one... sorry can't help myself. One of the first smiles we have captured on camera!

Thanks...

...to those who answered a few of my questions on vaccinations a week or so back! I put some comments and questions under the post just today. Some lively responses, which is rare on my blog. You can see why there are some "don't go there" topics amongst mums...

I know that Science doesn't have all the answers, but also worry that those with little scientific knowledge (some of the mums I know) can be easily whipped up into a frenzy by the latest book or trend, which may or may not have all the answers and has no stats to back up their claims. People are so willing to disregard 50 or 100 years of science that has been applied and most of the population of western countries has survived just fine (ie with true reductions of harmful disease and side-effects), which is a tad dangerous.

Gulf war syndrome from bulk vaccinations... that's an interesting and scary thing. But for things that have been done for decades and that we have survived just fine, I will go along with.

16 November 2006

Freaky Neighbours, part 4

It's been a while since I've had cause to whine about my neighbours. Well, now I have grave fears that our next door neighbours may be amphetamine addicted shift workers. Or worse - students whose rich parents pay their rent for them (because otherwise students couldn't afford to live here) and have just started end-of-exam party season. Gods help us!

Woke up to noise of chatter, with the occasional shriek - you know, the kind of shriek that emits out of a drunk female - and yell (from accompanying drunk/hyped up males). Then the music started. Sounded like some kind of recent dancey kind of music*. Got up to feed E-chan at 1:30am who woke a little later than usual (thank goodness he sleeps through this kind of noise!), and went back to bed.

Unfortunately, next door were still at it. The music turned from dancey to something even harder to tolerate. It wasn't bad '80's nostalgia compilations (Buzz and Words: Kind of like water toture) - it was a band I couldn't place, but sounded like a mix between Pearl Jam and Metallica. 80's music might have been OK, as at least tunes would have been familiar. Instead, we had hard rock anthems with deep booming bass - just the kind of music that vibrates through walls and floors well.

An hour later and still not able to sleep, I thought "this is getting ridiculous". Unlike BSharp, cannot put in earplugs for fear of not hearing E-chan if he wakes up and cries out. Put on some jeans and went in search of noise source. Thought it might be downstairs and along a bit, but found to my horror it was next door. Other side of bedroom wall, in fact. Knocked on door but it was too loud for them to hear (or they didn't care). Went back and wrote them a note that I slipped under their door after knocking when music was in a relatively quiet bit, and escaped before they might open door (best to remain anonymous in these situations, I think).

Music finally was turned off about 15 mins later - whether my note had any effect, I'll never know. Heard other people banging on wall/their door, so message might finally have got through. We retaliated by buzzing them on their intercom at 7:30am when C-chan left for work! Good Morning, A***holes!


* Can't be more specific, as this is one of the music genres that with few exceptions, I just don't follow, along with Opera, 70's prog rock and thrash metal.

15 November 2006

Polio germs no returns sterilised!

The topic of immunisation came up yesterday when having my regular hang out with Mum's in the park. It's one of those controvertial areas where opinions can be varied and heated, therefore you don't often "go there". I thought I'd be a true coward and blog about it instead!

One mother has decided not to immunise her baby - she's one of those skeptics who believes that immunisation has more harmful side effects than beneficial ones. [She also believes that wheat is the evil grain that is the cause of everyone's allergies and that canned fruit has all sorts of additives that aren't mentioned on the can, so I take this opinion with a grain of salt. I fully expected her to pipe up about fluoride being added to the water to subdue the masses rather than help tooth decay, but apparently tap water is OK.]

I on the other hand, have not seen any convincing arguments that immunisation is unsafe, and believe in the importance of keeping disease prevalence down in the community. I kind of feel that non-immunisers are in a sense freeloading off the majority of the community who are immunising and reducing the risks of infection of mumps, measles, polio etc for all, and kind of have to bite my tongue rather than say this out loud. I'm admittedly swayed by my own family's experience - my father had measles at 9 months of age, and his mother noticed his eye started going funny soon after. He is pretty much blind in that eye, and as this was quite common when infants got measles, it's likely that the blindness was caused by the measles.

I did a bit of a web search on risks of immunisation, and found the usual government websites, designed to reassure the public that immunisation is worth it, and on the other extreme, alarmist websites - usually anonymous, citing one (scientific?) reference only, claiming all sorts of ill effects of immunisation and using graphs that apparently "prove" their points, but quite frankly, don't make sense to me. One even linked immunisation to the rise in diabetes as well as autoimmune diseases in children, without even mentioning lifestyle or diet as factors in the case of the former or improvements in diagnosis as factors in the latter.

I realise also that immune systems are complex things, as are auto-immune diseases, and doing cause-effect studies on humans is near impossible when you take into account lifestyle and genetics and time. Was wondering if anyone reading this has ever spent a bit of time looking into this issue and has some credible sources on the matter? Just for the record, I have started E-chan on his immunisation program, so am unlikely to change anyway.

It's funny - some people are so convinced and even aggressive about their opinions on these sorts of issues, and little old me feels slightly swayed by their conviction for a bit. Then I realise, hang on, I'm the one with the biology degree, and who's spent a considerable amount of my time getting tested for allergies and going on elimination diets for food intolerances and have discussed the issue in depth with allergists and dietitians and read up quite a lot on autoimmune diseases, and who's mother is a nurse and has also looked into these issues quite a lot over the past 30 years... That knowledge has got to count for something? I'm not just a sheep getting herded into government health programs that aren't in our better interests?

14 November 2006

Great Conversation Stoppers of Our Time...

1)
One Mother to a small group: "So has anyone like had an accident with their baby yet?"
Rest of group: "?!!" (either silently horrified, or has no intention of talking about that time when they accidentally let their baby fall onto their nose when practising sitting up)

2) Baby has scratch on head due to scratching self...
One Mother to baby's Mother: "So what's that scratch? Child abuse?!" (joking)
Both Mothers, inwardly: "Oooh that didn't work. Mental note: don't make jokes about child abuse to other parents".

3)
"I've noticed my baby's poos tend to be ....." (nb: this can be a conversation starter in some circles).

4)
Talking about blowing raspberries to amuse babies...
One Mother: "I wonder when they stop finding farts amusing"
Meririsa: "I don't think farts ever stop being amusing!!"
OM: (Looks around at Meririsa in new light).

5) Mother of 3-week-old: "I just have to have him in some kind of feeding routine or I'll have no life!!!"
Meririsa: "Yeahhhh...." (remembering all the times E-chan's feeding routine has changed, but didn't say anything as didn't want to add to M-o-3's feelings of inner chaos)

07 November 2006

National Enforced Gambling Day & Kris Kringle

.... two things I thought I would happily miss being on maternity leave. Or would have thought that, had my brain given these things one split second of attention in the past year. But I could quite happily go on each year, completely oblivious to the idea of Melbourne Cup sweeps and lunches, and Kris Kringles.

I consider both these things a complete waste of money. Firstly, I don't gamble, and I'm not into horses. Never wanted a pony. Ever. Not into the getting all tizzed up and wearing a hat thing, or even the giggly thrills of champagne at the office (well unless we are all given the afternoon off and can have a proper drink, but that never happens - it's always "back to work!!" the minute the winnings are divvied out to the "winners"). Annoys me to no end that you can't get out of entering a Melbourne Cup sweep with a simple "no thanks". That inevitably leads to a "Goo ooooooooon!! It's only $1". Too expensive in my eyes.

I usually end up being out of the office (what a shame) at the moment the so called big race is on, but I think I have felt forced into participating in about 3 Melbourne Cup lunches. I think once I tried to argue that I don't agree with gambling so won't enter, but felt like a complete fool for standing up for my principles. Funny that. You don't get this kind of pressure to attend protest rallies for Global Warming, stand up for your wrongly sacked co-worker or any other cause that is morally right.

Ditto Kris Kringles. This is a waste of time. I think last year I thought I was pleased with my gift - but looking back, I haven't really worn the earrings I was given (a bit of a safety hazzard with a baby now). You rarely get the gift for the other person right, even if you know who you are buying for. It's hard enough buying for those you know and love... most of us have enough stuff and don't need more. Certainly not the $10 or less kind of "stuff". Last year C-chan suggested that his work have an optional donation to a cause instead of a Kris Kringle, and instead they ended up keeping the kris Kringle, and adding the charity donation on top of it. So now he has to spend EVEN MORE!

So why am I whining? Today I have been invited to a Melbourne Cup lunch. Luckily, I have an appointment with my boss at 3:30, so sadly, E-chan and I will have to slip away early. What a shame. And one of the Mums from my Every Now and Then Mothers Group* has suggested a Kris Kringle for the kiddies at our Christmas get together. I'm half tempted to say "you know most of us are on single incomes now, surely it can wait until the kids actually understand what christmas is?". It might not be that bad so long as we get something practical like baby bodysuits for next winter. I suppose in this instance at least we all know what babies need so are unlikely to buy crap... I hope?

Why is it you can't disagree with these things without sounding like a complete party pooper? Why is it wrong to celebrate something worthy of celebration, not just something that happens every year?

*I have a regular weekly catch up with one cool group of Mums, and an every now and then catch up with a group of Mums I met at our antenatal classes.

06 November 2006

The memory of smells...

Smells are such nice things to remember. The strange thing is that they can be almost impossible to describe to anyone, yet the minute you whiff a certain smell, a whole lot of associated memories come flooding back.

One particular smell has stayed in my memory for a loooooooong time, but I can't for the life of me work out what it is. I have a rather vivid memory of being in my first few weeks of school, and that there would be some sort of cooking activity every Friday when we had a certain teacher. (We can't have been doing much actual cooking, as we were only 5 years old - I can't really remember how this whole cooked meal thing worked...).

Anyway, I can remember how this teacher smelled on that day. Unfortunately noone I have subsequently met has smelled like this, therefore I can't just ask someone what that smell is. Every now and then, I catch a whiff of the same smell on a person who passes me by on the street. This whole memory comes flooding back, and this rather insignificant memory has stayed with me just because of this puzzling smell. The smell would either have to be some sort of essential oil, or the effect of some sort of food sweated out on certain people.

There are smells I would love to bottle: the smell of freshly ground coffee, freshly changed sheets, babies heads, garlic frying, cumin and turmeric in a curry, the waft of jasmine as it just starts to flower (but after a while, this smell gets to be too sickly sweet, or mixed with the smell of decaying flowers), the smell of freshly dug earth, and the smell of grass when it has just rained.

31 October 2006

I've got plenty of muffins, and muffins are plenty for me...

So today I'm having a "high achievement in the home" day... It's 9am and I've fed the baby, ate breakfast, put baby back down for nap, done a load of dishes or two, and made a batch of pumpkin muffins, which are cooking in the oven and smell devine. I only just changed out of my nighty, but that's beside the point!

Being a mostly at home gal these days, it makes good economic sense to bake a bit more instead of buying snacks. C-chan needs snacks to maintain swimming 3 times a week to keep his back strong, and I need snacks to fuel my 10,000+ steps a day habit and the fact that I'm a part time human milk machine*. On top of that, most store bought snacks are full of sugar, ingredients you can't pronounce, and unnecessary packaging. The downside is that you just have to eat a bit when they are fresh out of the oven. And possibly a bit more.

Backtrack a paragraph or two... did I write pumpkin muffins? Oh yes! Anyone who's had a North American make Pumpkin Pie for them will understand what I mean... Pumpkin is a nice sweet flavouring and goes great with cinnamon and cloves. My local icecreamery used to make a pumpkin pie flavour, but stopped probably because C-chan, Angel and I were the only ones who ever bought it. Also, when in Tokyo a few years ago, C-chan and I went out for dinner on our wedding anniversary to a modern Japanese/French fusion restaurant highly recommended by My Brother the Expat. For dessert, we were served a few slithers of sweet pumpkin sprinkled with cinnamon and sugar. Sure, we could have made that at home, but we probably wouldn't have thought of it.

But I digress. Muffins rock I have decided. Blueberry, pumpkin, date & oatbran... Mmmm. I used to use my dear old departed Granny's recipe, but I have recently converted to the Woomen's Weakly recipe book style, which uses a secret ingredient guaranteed to make your muffins moist for days**: buttermilk! Who would have thought this humble*** old-fashioned ingredient would make such a difference?!


* did I ever update you on the fact that E-chan finally got his breastfeeding attachment sorted out? about a week after deciding to wean, he decided he was into this breastfeeding thing. I now supply 1/3-1/2 of his dietary needs, with the rest being provided by formula. I figure it saves us a bit in formula costs, and gives him some of my immunity to colds etc., so might as well keep it up for a bit longer.

** that almost sounds rude!

*** actually, modern buttermilk doesn't seem to be the liquid squeezed out during the butter churning process as demonstrated during my childhood visits to Ye Olde Worlde Village... just checked the carton and ingredients seem to be: skim milk, milk, concentrated skim milk, culture. What the culture is I don't know, but assume it is more along the lines of yoghurt culture rather than forcing the milk to listen to Mozart and Beethoven style of culture

30 October 2006

Pedorama!

I am referring to my newfound enthusiasm for my new toy... a PEDOMETER! Never again will I need to wonder "have I walked as much as I thought I did today?" or "am I making my 10,000 step daily quota regularly?". The answer to both questions is "yes!". In addition, I am often carrying a nearly 8kg baby or pushing him in a pram! Go me!

Oooh thanks for the pointer...

...Betty Sue! I have now turned off my comment moderator (a wanting-to-delete-a-comment-I-accidentally-posted-twice experiment that went wrong... didn't realise I would then have to log on to decide which comments get posted!!)

20 October 2006

So it's just you and me, kiddo...

Tonight E-chan and I are having our first evening home alone together. Dad's out having some well earned R'n'R.

Just as I was about to give E-chan his "dinner", a beautiful sunset started, not unlike the one below (but more cloud in the sky tonight). I took E-chan out on the balcony and showed it to him - never too young to appreciate a good sunset, I say. He was all quiet and snuggly in his pyjamas, little eyes looking over my shoulder at the view, warm little fluffy head pressed against my cheek.

Then during his feed as I sat in the rocking chair in his room with the blinds open, the window perfectly framed the sunset, which by now had taken over the whole sky and was a rich orange colour. It was one of those moments.... Beautiful baby quietly feeding on my lap, darkening room, gently rocking back and forth in the chair. Staring at a breathtaking sunset that seemed to be static. But every now and again I'd look down to E-chan, and when I looked up again, the sky would have changed to a deeper, more fiery orange... the concentration of colour would have moved closer to the horizon... the grey of the clouds would be encroaching downwards from above... the light would be hitting different surfaces in the near distance. Stare for a bit and everything seems to be static again. Look down at baby, look up again, and the sunset had changed again. Again and again until baby is almost asleep, eyes half closed with a contented half smile, his breaths slowing to a sleepy rate, and there is only a small smudge of red light left in the sky radiating from a point on the horizon in the west...

Sigh!

Oh what a suprise!!

Suddenly Newscrap Inc are interested in buying a 7.5% stake in Fairfax! Poised to own 15% (pretty much a controlling interest) as soon as the new media laws take effect. Soon all of Australia will be like South Australia, where the daily National, regional and weekly local papers (perhaps with Rural Press being the exception) are all owned by Newscrap!

PLEASE* vote this government out next election - they are doing dodgy dodgy things now that they hold the balance of power (not like we didn't see this coming).

*I realise I am most probably pleading to the converted

17 October 2006

What big eyes you have!


My baby boy has big blue eyes - I know this not only from looking, but because I am told it at least once a day... (Excuse the dribble to the right of his mouth - he can't help it, as he isn't likely to work out that he needs to swallow saliva for a year or so yet...)

One nice thing is that the other day, I got at least 5 similar comments from YOUNG MEN! Usually it's the grandparents, women of childbearing age or fathers who acknowledge babies. I was tempted to reply "What, getting clucky!?", but didn't want to freak their girlfriends out.

Also interesting is that yesterday I saw the lead singer/keyboard player of a well known band pushing a pram (with baby in it) into a hi fi store.

Also, found this show on Thursday fascinating. Food for thought anyway.

What's my point? I dunno. Do I need one? I think today I prefer to have a theme.

10 October 2006

visit from folks and the joys of Japlish

My folks visited last week on their way back from visiting the Tokyo Meri's, bearing gifts and tales of their two grandsons over there.

Mum & Dad spent 3 weeks looking after nephew #1 (3.5 y/o) while Brother, Sister-in-law and nephew #2 (8 weeks old and still in hospital but almost better) coped with new jobs and commute-to-hospital-to-breastfeed schedules. Brother's new job has much more family-friendly hours so yahoo for him! Mum apparently refined her Advanced Toddler Reasoning and Bribing skills (you know - "you can have another chip once you've had a mouthful of chicken and broccoli").

Gifts include little clips and gizmos for attaching things to prams, attaching hats and dummies to babies, small cases for storing rolled up damp flannels with a little cartoon character on the front called "Wanco". Bags with mutated South Park characters all over it, and words of wisdom such as "Happy Day We are good friends! A breath of fresh air! Love begets love Tast (sic) the goody Fresh and crispy Strawberry A sound mind in a sound lody (sic)" (all on one bag). And some pretty groovy t-shirts that miraculously fit me despite vastly different Japanese sizing system.

08 October 2006

all thumbs

The last few days has been like a slapstick Laurel and Hardy skit. Or Laurel, without Hardy. E.g. hang up the towell after shower. Towell falls to ground immediately. Pick towell up and put it back, towell falls down AGAIN!! Pick towell up, put it back and hold it there... hold... hold... and it finally stays. Put something in bin, swinging bin top swings straight back and pushes rubbish back out.

Does anyone else feel like a bit of a clutz when they get their periods? (This is, I might add, my first one in over a year, and I have not missed them one bit).

01 October 2006

Cryin'

Two little babies in their prams at the chemists, with tear stains down their cheeks, and the quiet, shy and snuggly stare that seems to follow a baby's howl. Not wanting to go outside and was perfectly fine inside thankyou? Resisting sleep? Cries of frustration from not being able to say what they want?

Small park in the back streets just off the main road. Woman on a bench, dabbing at her eyes with a tissue, while a friend sits beside her with her arm around her shoulder, consoling, listening. Too much going on in her life and finding it hard to cope? Did someone die in an unexpected way? Debrief after a difficult end to a relationship? Disappointing news or a disappointing person?

Late at night, all is silent. Then, through the concrete brick walls we hear the faint sound of muffled sobbing. We hold our breaths and listen. In fact, it is someone crying really hard... the type of cry where you have to take massive inward breaths between sobs because you are crying so hard. The sort of cry that must be expressing the deepest disappointment, grief, or loneliness, and the only way to let it out is to have a big cry when you are somewhere safe and alone, or with people who you can let see you like this...

Q: How do three mums with 4 month olds go swimming?

A: Like this...

We arrive at the pool at a pre-arranged time and take turns, taking into account the following factors that pop up randomly throughout the morning. Well, not completely random, as each baby has it's own cycle of things it does, but throw 3 babies together and you do have the potential for mahem... One by one we take turns to swim or shower. Do a few laps as fast as you can, then look towards the other mums for a thumbs up to let you know that everything is OK with Bub...

The Babies
Ethan, Lachlan and Phoebe: all born within a week of each other*. I wouldn't exactly call them friends yet - they barely even look at each other. Babies at this age "parallel play" so I'm told, and evidence as I see it suggests that apart from accidentally knocking each other as they flail around on rugs, there isn't a lot of interaction going on.

Feeding...
Phoebe is the model baby feeder. Never a problem with latching on or her mother's supply. Comfortable feeding wherever she is. Lachie is also breastfed but going through "a bit of a difficult phase"... won't feed away from his special chair at home. Mum has to feed him before departing her house, and tries to feed him while out, but he won't and cries his little lungs out. And Ethan. Well he's always been a difficult feeder... his latest trick is to get halfway through his bottle and start to look around. Neck craning every direction, looking out to see what he can see, with Mum's hand and the bottle trying to follow his mouth around. There tend to be a few tantrums, and he seems to be making the mental transition to wanting to be fed sitting up, which doesn't quite work with a bottle.

Sleeping...
Phoebe also seems to be well adjusted to being out and about in her pram. [The rest of the mothers actually don't actually believe she is capable of being grizzly, but I can confirm that she does actually grizzle on occasion.] Lachie hates his pram, so his mother has to cart arount a baby carrier as well as a pram in case of emergency. Ethan can be difficult to settle, but just zonks if he's tired.

Separation anxiety?
Phoebe & Ethan: none apparent at this age - willing to cuddle anyone so long as Mum's in the vicinity. Lachie seems a little less at ease, but could be due to not having been fed for a while.

Coffee and chats afterwards....
Kiddies settled somewhat now that Mums have all swum and showered, we grabbed a substandard coffee at the pool afterwards. We realised that all our kids are Geminis, and got into a great big in depth discussion about intra-familial star sign relationships. Parents vs babies, us vs our parents and friends. Wondering how our babes are going to grow up. Thinking it would be cool if they went to the Newtown High School for the Performing Arts and dyed their hair pink.

So gradually, I'm getting fitter again back in the pool. It's great hanging out with other Mums, sharing the trials and joys of parenthood, seeing how other babies are, and being reassured that your baby fits somewhere in the many spectrums of normality.

*their mothers said they could be sister and brother... but sadly no one called Deborah (Pulp reference for those who know the song)

Hello back again did you miss me?

The last week has been a bit of a blur. C-chan's back is getting better (thank goodness). Things were getting quite panicky for me last Sunday... I suppose I was beginning to look ahead into the coming weeks and wonder how we were going to cope if things didn't show signs of improving. Having to run around doing everything for 2 people was taking its toll. In addition my socia life was almost entirely with the ladies from the pharmacy as I ducked down to fill prescriptions for C-chan's pain relief. On the up side, C-chan has caught up with a lot of reading which he hasn't had time for in the past few months.

Some friends were lovely and offered help or even brought over food - thanks. C-chan's parents flew over (even though we didn't make it to C-chan's graduation ceremony) and gave the place a once over with the duster and vacuum cleaner (it really needed it) and even brought frozen pasta sauce and quiche for us to stash in the freezer. I think I might explore internet grocery shopping in the coming weeks - for the large heavy items that I can't pick up easily down the road.

We had dinner at home instead on Monday night and celebrated the end of C-chan's neverending law degree with orange juice in our champagne glasses. E-chan wore the little mortar board hat I'd made for him and it actually turned out to be a surprise for C-chan (I could have sworn he'd seen it as it was being made).

As it is now, we got C-chan out of the house to have an ice-cream with Angel on Friday and to the Osteopath yesterday. And he can do lots of little things around the house which makes a huge difference. Now all I have to do is all of the lifting and carrying around of our little bundle of joy. Not suprisingly, I am being ULTRA CAREFUL that I don't do my back in also. That would be a disaster. I think we've learned our lesson that our health cannot take a back seat even though E-chan keeps us busy. We were doing a lot of walking, but it seems walking is not enough - C-chan's getting a gym membership for xmas, and back in the pool I go...

24 September 2006

Eat your heart out Florence...

Nightingale that is.

Unlikely to post for a while - now not only have a baby to care for but also a fully grown man whose back is not behaving itself. The following would be great:

- the number for rent-an-auntie (you know, the kind who pops around with a casserole so you don't have to cook for a few nights, and whips around with the vacuum cleaner, and minds the baby while you pop out for those much needed groceries)

- a genie (but everyone knows they don't really exist)

- my mum (currently in Japan, looking after my brother's family)

- C-chan's Mum (coming for a brief period next week for what would have been C-chan's graduation but it looks like he'll miss the ceremony now)

See you when I come up for air.

20 September 2006

Bitch with an itch

For those of you who haven't seen me, I must reveal that I am one to suffer from the eczema. At certain times of the year (such as now, the hayfever season...), my skin flares up on some obvious places... around my eyes and on my throat, and on my hands. And like any condition that is obvious, people think that gives them a licence to offer (extremely) unqualified advice... From people I know, this can be a bit torturous - I have to smile and nod and wait until the conversation reaches its natural end, all the while bearing in mind that they care and are only trying to help. However, complete strangers, who I can only think don't give a toss about me, still throw me their two bobs worth.

I have never resorted to saying point blank "I don't want to talk about it and don't want your amateur advice", but sometimes I get close after an extremely frustrating set of "suggestions". The conversation usually starts like this:

"Oooh! what's that rash on your (insert body part)?"
"Eczema"
"Oh!" (pause while they think.... here it comes, any second now....) "Have you tried (insert wonder cure-all that I just MUST try)?"

My answer is either "yes", "yes but it doesn't work for me" or "no, but that is for another skin condition such as soriasis which is a different disease altogether". And by now, my physical reaction to them broaching the topic is usually the equivalent to a cat having their back arched, hair on end, and claws clenched.

But sadly, the conversation rarely ends there! These people seem to always get me pinned where I can't get away... at a meeting where I'm temporarily standing away from the group doing something, when I'm changing E-chan's nappy, when I'm purchasing something from their shop... otherwise I'd just smile politely and go somewhere else.

"My sister in law's cousin tried blahdy-blah blah and it worked a treat" (good for her)
"Is it itchy?" (no I'm just scratching as a conversation starter)
"I hear these kinds of conditions are linked to stress" (you can piss right off right now and stop making judgements about my mental condition)

I have decided I need a change in approach to nip this conversation on the bud before it starts. I have tried everything over the years to get people to shut up about it, and I can honestly say noone giving this unasked-for advice ever has any experience with persistent adult eczema, nor has offered any advice that has helped. Lately I have taken to asking them what they know about the condition and lecturing them with the latest, and that there are three broad aspects to being eczema-free:-

- not being born with the genes that seem to make you vulnerable

- avoiding the cause (for me, mostly airborn allergens such as dustmites, ryegrass pollen, mould, and possibly some food chemicals found in processed AND natural foods, avoiding which is impossible to do without living in a bubble!)

- then giving your many layers of skin a chance to grow through undamaged by avoiding irritants (have you ever tried not using any detergents?), and constantly moisturising with unscented emolients which from trial and error you find don't make matters worse.

Strangely, perhaps realising that getting rid of eczema isn't straightforward, at this point they do tend to shut up...

19 September 2006

The Amazing Nighttime Adventures of Microman

It's 4.00am, and Mother was awoken by Microman making noises in his cot in the next room. In her half asleep state, she waited a minute or two to see whether something really is the matter, or whether Microman has simply decided it was time to have a play*. Microman made a few odd sounds, so Mother decided it was time to get up and investigate. She wearily pads over to Microman's room...

"Oooh! I didn't leave you like that when I put you to bed!!" exclaimed Mother, astounded to find Microman at a 90 degree angle to his normal sleeping direction, and half way up his cot!! In addition, he was completely uncovered!
"Gooo!" cooed Microman, with a cute upside-down smile, then proceeded to suck at his hands. He was completely happy!

Mother picked him up for a quick cuddle to help resettle him before rewrapping him for sleep, then decided to check his nappy. Microman wriggled like crazy on the change table, writhing from left to right, kicking up his legs and lifting up his bum. All the while, Microman made such cute noises and pulled such adorable faces that Mother found it very hard to not crack a smile herself**.

Finally, Mother re-wrapped Microman in his cotton wrap, stroked his adorable little head, put on some soothing noises to help him to sleep, and headed back to bed. Hopefully, there would be a few more hours of sleep before he awoke again, wanting to play and then feed...


*E-chan has recently taken to waking up at this unsociable hour for no other reason than to play. He's not hungry because he doesn't cry out for food, but sometimes does require a nappy change...
** This is the cardinal rule of what not to do when trying to settle a child who needs to get some sleep but is being stubborn and verging into "overtired" territory. They are so encouraged by this that they think it really is time to play...

------------------

The fun is starting... E-chan is learning to move where he wants to go, and is only a few days from being able to roll onto his tummy. Soon the days of finding him where I left him will be gone forever!!

12 September 2006

testing the boundaries

Wow - we must be getting into the swing of this parenthood thing for now*.

On Friday I went out with another mum and it was the FIRST TIME I have been away from E-chan for more than about an hour. Yep - I nipped away once to have my hair cut, and another time for an appointment regarding my post-natal gumpy leg (which is fine now, thanks). And a few short trips to the shop for milk or take-away. The rest of the time, he has been sleeping only metres away from me in his cot or in the pram. So how did it go? OK. I missed him a bit, but knew he was in C-chan's capable hands. Luckily, just about everyone I was with had at least one child, and it was a sympathetic environment to be in. So it seems I can have the odd night out without baby for now*.

On top of that, we completed E-chan's transition from bassinet to cot (he was waking up headbutting the end of the bassinet sometimes, which was worrying us given babies generally have no skull at the top of their heads for the first year of life). We moved his room around to improve the layout somewhat. He seems to love his cot for now*!!

We also cleaned out the flat, vacuumed, washed, cooked AND we entertained! Dr J and Angel were brave enough to be dinner guests given the potential for screaming baby, however, E-chan was contented it seems and just fed and slept after 8:30 or so, and goo'd and gaa'd for the rest of the time they were over. So it seems we can entertain at home for now*.

We also made it out to Parramatta way for a BBQ a few weeks back which indicates slightly longer trips out to visit friends is managable for now*.

Today, for our biggest challenge yet, we'll go to a mums and bubs session at the movies. Not sure how E-chan will manage, as he can be one of the squirmiest babies I know when awake. Wish us luck...


* nb always insert "for now" as disclaimer, as babies seem to change habits just as you are working out what their routines are...

09 September 2006

Big fambilies

Last night, I went out with a new friend who's from a HUUUUGE family. I realised that large families have mystified me in the past somewhat. I come from a smallish family (4) that is geographically isolated from cousins, granparents, aunties, Uncles etc. Close, but small.

People from large families always have things to go to on the weekend, and it seems they can never fit you into their schedule. If you're lucky you'll see them once or twice a year, fleetingly, and everyone else will be trying to talk to them too so you end up only talking to them for a few minutes. They run away to Vegas to get married instead of having to invite 300 guests to their wedding, which is understandable (I know 2 couples from large families who have done this now!). Little old me has often thought of these busy people: "oh, they don't really want to see me, they have enough people in their life already...".

Last night I went to a lingerie* party with a new friend who has a little bub a few weeks older than E-chan and lives around the corner. She's a warm person, who seems to have a lot of friendliness to offer everyone. Party was mostly populated with her cousins or cousin's partners - turns out she has 26 cousins and three siblings. Her family christmas gatherings usually have 40 or so adults plus however many kids in attendance. I suppose what I'm realising is that if you are from a big happy family, you can just make more room for people in your life. You are accustomed to a lot of people knowing about what is going on in your life. Kind of like my parents making room for each new grandchild in their life - each of them is "gorgeous", "precious" and cuddleable.

I've never wanted a big family for various reasons, but I'm beginning to see the good bits. I'm aiming for a big family of people who aren't necessarily related to me... Lots of alternative role models for E-chan etc etc.

* ridiculously expensive despite skipping retail floor space step in supply chain, therefore didn't buy anything.

08 September 2006

Unexpected delights of parenthood

Warm, soft, little heads against your cheeks... big, wide toothless grins... smooth smooth skin... recognition of you before anyone else as a person who can stop their cries with a cuddle... being told they look like you... baby talk... having their little heads go heavy on your shoulder or chest when they fall asleep... smiling at you when half-asleep and...
watching them asleep in their cot...
:)

03 September 2006

Transformative cover versions...

I get tickled pink when an artist takes a song, gives it a thorough makeover, and ends up with another version of the song that makes you think about the intended meaning of the lyrics, laugh with delight, twists the gender around or is just a damn lot better than the original.

Here's a few cover versions that stand out to me - feel free to add some of your own...(and here's hoping I don't break any of Betty Sue's reviewing rules along the way):

Winners!

Stop! in the name of love: Bang Gang recently did a version of this 60's Supremes hit. Instead of a soul music style, it's got a jangly guitar and folky voice; and the lyrics don't change, but it's sung by a man. Result: you're not sure if the male singer is in a relationship with a bisexual male or female. I find this version catchier than the original, and have sung along to it in the car many times.

Respect: Imagine my suprise when I found out that the first to record this song was not soul diva Aretha Franklin, but soul king Otis Redding. The original version was a bit of a suprise to me: imagine a bombastic fast paced soul track, with fast trumpets and trombones in between phrases, with words along the lines of: "you betta show me some respect woman, havin' dinner ready when I get home late at night..." (making it up here, but you get the picture - this guy was stuck in the Dark Ages...) Then along comes Aretha. Loosens up the song, slows the tempo, adds some female backing singers.... Transforms the whole song into an anthem for the feminist movement, that sticks two fingers up at the original version of the song. Pure genius.

Comfortably Numb: Never was much into "Prog Rock", therefore only have some vague memory of the original Fink Ployd version of the song from some long distant ex-boyfriend's CD collection. I think it was a bit slow and guitary, with smokey vocals. Enter the Scissor Sisters, with their fast castrato vocal disco Bee Gees style version that makes you want to dance around the lounge room (well if that's the only place you tend to dance these days).

Ticket to Ride: This Beatles classic was always about someone worrying that their love was one-sided; that any minute, their lover was going to take off with someone else. But it was somewhat disguised by the edgy rock and roll beat, and managed to sound almost euphoric. Then along came The Carpenters*. Piano background, slower pace, and Karen Carpenters' perfectly enunciated, pure as snow melancholic voice... "I think I'm gonna be sad, I think it's today... the boy who's driving me mad is going away... He's got a ticket to ride, and he don't care...". This version is perfect for rainy afternoons spent reminiscing about relationships of yesterday...

Hard Rain: This straightly-delivered, folky song of Bob Dylan's was given a good going over by Bryan Ferry. You'd never notice it was written as a protest against the Vietnam war - instead, this version of the song is done in a kind of glam/doo-wop style. With electric guitars, female backing vocalists, and an even 4:4 beat. Kind of in the same style as Leonard Cohen's "First we take Manhatten".

One Man Guy: Loudon Wainwright wrote this song about being his own man. A generation later, his son Rufus Wainright recorded the song, but Rufus' sexual orientation lends a new meaning to the words, implying that he is singing about fidelity; not being the type to sleep around.


Duds

Something: We were rifling through C-chan's father's Frank Sinatra record set and found a record from later in Sinatra's career where he murders I mean covers this Beatles song. It's plain awful. Treacley, pompous and stilted. Shouldn't have messed with the original, which captures beautifully the feelings and insecurities of being in the earlier phases of a love affair. Perhaps Sinatra was too big and famous at this stage to remember what it was like to be insecure?

I Got You Babe: I've added this one only because I want to have a whinge about UB40. I don't think the original Sonny and Cher version of this song is anything to blog home about, and hence don't think that UB40's version is comparatively worse. It's just that UB40 got away with being a $100-an-hour reggae style party band and not writing any of their own material. Well nothing that became a hit anyway. They do so many cover versions in this style that it becomes unimaginative (red red wine, I can't help falling in love with you etc etc).

*(we are not ashamed of our CD collection!!)

31 August 2006

Goo! nnnngh! gggggggurgle!...... waaaaa!

From that title you might deduce I'm lacking adult company a bit. That my vocabulary is shrinking... That I'm finding it hard to string adult sentences together. Well I think you're right.

Not that I'm not totally into being a parent. Not that E-chan doesn't deserve my complete attention. But, I am finding that these four walls, the internet and television (ie source of most of my inward flow of information at present) a little bit stale. Am loving reading other blogs, but conversation via blog is either unidirectional or depends when people log in.

Time to broaden horizons a bit. Time to get to know the mother's I've met recently on a one to one level, not just because we have babies a similar age. Time to get out and talk to people in the real world. And get E-chan accustomed to being out and about, so that he isn't freaked out by pigeons in the park, or overstimulated by the leaves rustling in the sun... Time to start making time for those hobbies I had in mind... sewing stuff (now I have a sewing machine!), painting stuff (now I have some acrylic paints!)...

Which leads me to contemplate going back to work next May seriously for the first time since E-chan came into this world*. I now understand why so many other women enjoy going back to work for some "adult time". It's not that I'm missing my job... I'm actually thinking that my work is a bit too... urm how would you say it? It's not important enough. It's not life changing enough. It is important in a baby step kind of way. It's just that actual real life baby steps are more exciting!! Probably not a good idea to have a rivetting job when you have a little 'un, as you wouldn't want your job to become a higher priority.

Who's for a visit some time in the coming weeks? Who's for (shock, horror) a girls night out** at the pub?

*Which I'm bound to do unless my contract isn't renewed.
**And I think C-chan could do with a blokes night out to celebrate both finishing his degree and becoming a Super-duper Dad. (Love you honey!)

29 August 2006

Just as I was getting the hang of things...

...E-chan is changing. Haven't quite worked out how to manage his new feed/play/settle cycle. Result: more crying. Had paranoid dreams last night, where people in our block of units were pointing at our flat saying "that's the unit where the crying baby lives..."

Am still b-feeding him a bit, and that is probably the unknown component, as we don't really know how much food he is getting. He has reduced the number of feeds he's having in a 24 hour period, and eating less in the mornings. I don't think I'm reading the cues wrong. Will weigh him today and see how much he has grown this past week. Last week, he had apparently grown quite a lot, so if there is a similar pattern this week, I'll stop worrying and know we are doing just fine.

-------

E-chan's little cousin, Tommy, has been having episodes of aponea (ie he stops breathing). He is still in hospital although his mum has been discharged. They are yet to find the cause, but can eliminate any heart or brain abnormalities.

25 August 2006

Welcome to the house of fun!

We are slowly going through our music collection and playing E-chan things to see what he responds to. Hard to tell what he actually likes... I think at his stage of life, it's all about people's faces... ie if I sing to him and look happy, he'll make happy faces and noises back at me. If you go by his response only, you'd conclude that he has exactly the same tastes as us. Might have to try putting on something that I can't stand but C-chan likes and see how E-chan really reacts.

Yesterday, a cheesy Stevie Wonder song came on, and I started moonwalking to it (as you do), and E-chan was delighted and entertained! So last night during the Witching Hour, C-chan and I put on Divine Madness (ie the best of Madness), and danced away to Baggy Trousers, House of Fun, It Must Be Love and the like. Our best fake braces wearing (as in the keeping your pants up kind), cockney-style stomp*. Result: One mesmerised baby!


Oh well it works for us... "Flood" by They Might Be Giants is another good one.

* I know accents don't translate to dancing styles, but you know what I mean? Madness, Dexy's Midnight Runners etc

23 August 2006

"pets" make good conversation starters















Today I wandered about with bub in the baby carrier - it is a lovely sunny day. Here are some snaps we took on the weekend. Went to my favourite cafe this morning (that we used to frequent for breakfast, but haven't made it there since bub was born). Bought a coffee, and the staff remembered me! I've never had a pet, but babies are equally good conversation starters. I've had more conversations with strangers lately than in a long while.

I walked home, and encountered an old man standing outside his terrace.
Old Man: nice afternoon!
Meririsa: is it? I think it's still morning (thinking: how nice to not wear a watch every day)
O M: How old is your baby?
M: 10 weeks!
O M: Babies are a gift to mankind!
M: Yes, true!
O M: And totally defenseless.

Not quite sure how his mind leapt from his first observation to the second, but both statements are true. Babies are uttlerly defenseless and reliant on you for everything. Last night, E-chan woke an hour or so after his feed and change, and wailed his eyes out. After a quick cuddle, everything was OK again, and he was virtually asleep on my shoulder. Perhaps 10-week-olds have nightmares? Dreaming of being born, or his immunisation jabs? Who knows?

Another funny thing is playing "Which baby belongs to which mother" (a bit like guessing which dog belongs to which owner!). It's startling how much like their parents some babies look. I honestly thought all babies looked similar only a few months ago, but they are so different. Some have defined noses, sticking out ears, big or small mouths, so many different hair colours, skin colours, blue eyes, dark eyes, small, large, cute, ugly. And their cries are so different. I swear a baby in the maternity ward in hospital sounded like a cat mewing!!

17 August 2006

Witching hour...

For those of you not familiar with newborns, many babies are unsettled for no apparent reason in the early evening (and some at more unsociable hours like late at night or early morning...). It's called the Witching Hour.

For most of the day, babies eat, play and then sleep for a bit. Or they eat then play, then eat then sleep. Then you hit the witching hours, and nothing seems to make bub contented. You feed, play, cuddle, change nappies, put them down in bed because they look tired. But instead they cry. Get them out of bed, check nappy, see if the want to play. They cry the minute you aren't carrying them, or giving them your full attention, which is exhausting when you've done that pretty much all day. Try putting them in the bouncer while you start on dinner, but little bub's bottom lip quivers and sobs and you know if you don't pick him up pretty soon, he'll be wailing.

E-chan is an average little baby, and has his fair share of unsettled evenings. We have recently decided to give up trying to put him to bed between 4pm and 7:30pm, because he just cries. Last night, I had a bath and E-chan came in with me. Not only does it save getting the baby bath set up, but he seems to like it. It's absolutely lovely feeling baby skin in the water. He may just be a little water baby, and already has an accomplished breaststroke kick! He has learned to close his eyes when water trickles over them. He's had a few showers with his Dad also, and that works well. Also last night, we put on music we like to dance to, and one of us dances holding E-chan while the other gets on with whatever needs doing.

These seem like manageable strategies for the timebeing. With luck he'll grow out of this phase before too long, anyway... Well "they say" it usually stops after about 3 months.

15 August 2006

Two little boys...

My brother's second little boy was born yesterday at 5pm their time!
Welcome to the world, Tomiko!! (Thomas Richard)

"Two little boys had two little toys
Each had a wooden horse
Gaily they played each summer's day
Warriors both of course
One little chap then had a mishap
Broke off his horse's head
Wept for his toy then cried with joy
As his young playmate said

Did you think I would leave you crying
When there's room on my horse for two
Climb up here Jack and don't be crying
I can go just as fast with two
When we grow up we'll both be soldiers
And our horses will not be toys
And I wonder if we'll remember
When we were two little boys"

(Morse - Madden arr. Braden H. Darewski Music / EMI / Redwood Music (P) 1969; made famous by the version sung by Rolf Harris)

Everything is fine apparently, which is a relief!

12 August 2006

Give me some kind of sign, babe...

My brother's partner taught her first baby how to sign key-words before he could speak, so he could tell her what he wanted - babies find it easier to use their hands for a while before they get their talking ability sorted out. Here are a couple of sites with some info:
- ABC radio article
- Signing with your baby
Am going to try this with E-chan.

11 August 2006

wiki wiki wild wild west

Have just discovered you tube. Someone sent me this link of a comedian doing a skit about wikipedia, everyone's favourite unverifiable free online encyclopedia! (You probably need broadband to be able to view this).

10 August 2006

2 months trial period up - "yes we'll keep the baby thanks!"


What a lovely little fellow!
This morning, he woke up at 4:30ish, but wasn't crying for food or a nappy change... instead, he was making happy playing noises in his bed! It was funny in the fog of the early morning. I guess he hasn't got night and day sorted out yet....

05 August 2006

Immunisation

E-chan had his 2 month check-up and immunisation shots yesterday. His response:
Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!
(at a horrendous number of decibels). Poor little thing :(

As the day went on, he wasn't quite himself, skipping playtime between feeds and wanting to go straight to sleep. In the evening, he developed a slight fever, which was a bit worrying for us, but the doctor had warned us this might happen and provided us with baby paracetamol. E-chan slept in our room again last night, just to make sure (he's been out in the lounge room for a few weeks - we're not quite ready to put him in his own room just yet).

But today he is all smiles and normal temperatures :) making his standard cute goo gooo noises at play time, and waving his arms and legs about.

-----------

Re the weaning: wow, that was the right decision. It has taken ALL of the stress out of feeding times. We are all much happier, and I'm sure I'll stop being upset about it before too long. Got all the crying out of my system yesterday. I'm still feeding him on the breast when I feel I can, or if he's too hungry to wait for his bottle to warm.

04 August 2006

Teeny weaning E-chan

Well the decision has been made. To wean or not to wean is no longer the question.
We will wean.

Eight weeks of trying has been a champion effort, we think. Many mothers with similar problems give up before now, and I have explored every single avenue possible. I've tried positioning, resting lots, eating lots, expressing, herbal teas and drugs to get my supply up and provide enough milk; and I've tried positioning in umpteen ways, lactation consultant visits and osteopaths to try to get little E-chan to attach properly, which is the key to everything when it comes to breastfeeding (correct attachment does not hurt the mother, and ensures efficient feeding and that the mother's supply meets the demand of the growing bub).

It seems that E-chan's difficult deliverly led to some jaw problems which set us down the path of not being able to feed - I'm not sure that anything could have been done better except for perhaps an earlier detection of his jaw problem, but it seems that none of the midwives at the hospital had the experience to pick that up, and treatment hasn't really helped for longer than a day or two anyway. I still get sore because he still doesn't attach properly - I think it is that he can't rather than he won't.

Weaning probably won't take too long, given I was producing at most half of his daily food intake on both sides. Will have an appointment with a midwife on Monday to ensure I'm going about it the right way and won't get mastitis, lumps or any other complications. So from now on we can plan to be more mobile and active, which is nice. I can start going for longer walks with the pram so long as I have packed enough bottles and nappies!

I thought a weight would lift off my shoulders once this decision had been made. I know it's the right decision for us, and there are many positives, but apparently there is still some self-imposed guilt to feel, and even grief as the midwife I spoke to today told me. Didn't think you could grieve for not being able to breasfeed, but there you go. It's an emotional thing, letting go of breastfeeding, and apparently even mothers who are giving it up after a good year or two can feel a bit emotional about it. For me it's probably a bit of grieving for what E-chan and I never really managed to get right.

Just an hour or two ago, I fed him a bottle, and afterwards, his little arms clumsily groped towards my breast as if to say "give me some of this too". I suppose this is where the guilt will come in. I was touched, however - I never knew he liked being breastfed, because he was frequently crying as I put him on, or when I had to detach him because his little jaw was hurting me too much, or he whimpered because he probably couldn't get comfortable or he wasn't getting enough milk. I'll need to find something else to replace the physical closeness of breastfeeding I suppose - I don't want to deprive him of that. Luckily I'm very inclined to want frequent cuddles.

So today is an appropriately miserable grey day here in Sydnonee... I plan to cry as much as I have to, to get this out of my system, so I don't keep bursting into tears when I talk to midwives, doctors, other mothers, my mother, C-chan, and most importantly, E-chan, for days to come...

ABC style self promotion; and freaky evangelicals

Here is an interesting article. What do we think of this, folks? Notice how everyone always skims over the small problem of nuclear waste? When someone starts talking seriously about dealing with the problem, I may listen to such champions. But noone ever seems to want to answer the hard questions (where to put the power plants, how to make them secure, and how to dispose of the waste so that many generations ahead will not get radioactive poisoning).

Someone once asked me can I imagine earth in 10,000 years time, humans stumbling across a yellow container buried under the ground with "Danger! Radioactive" written on it, but not having a frigging clue what it says because English as a language has long mutated into something else? That's right - English has changed very much in the last 1000 years despite people writing it down. It will most certainly be unintelligible in 10,000 years. We may not even have hard or electronic copy archives with the language recorded. Language may be then to todays script what today's script is to heiroglyphics. Interesting thought.

In addition, the SMH seems to be writing infomercials for it's weekend edition (go to end of article). Strange, huh? Haven't seen this before, but not at all suprising (call me cynical). I think it's only in the online edition, but still...

------------

Also was watching the midday news, and Evangelical Christians in the US are apparently drawing parallels between prophetic chapters of the Bible and the fighting in Lebanon and Israel. Freaks.

I shouldn't be so harsh though... once a certain 15 year old was freaking out in a similar manner when the Gulf War was happening in 1991. But then I was only 15, and only partially educated at the time, and didn't go on television stating my beliefs.*

*[That period in my life was right before I realised that Revelations wasn't describing word for word what was happening in Iraq at the time, followed rapidly by "not being sure at all that I believe in this religion stuff", and stopping going to church/youth group entirely. It was probably a 3 month process from go to woe].

03 August 2006

Stretchmarks and new statistics

Having been up late more than a few times lately, I've experienced first hand the absolute banality of late night telly. The telemarketing shows on in the wee hours of the morning are abolutely dreadful. And during the day. Sometimes I have the telly on for background noise or so that I don't feel rotten about having to be up at 3am (I really should revert to radio listening again...).

Just heard a dreadful add for this product for "reducing the appearance of stretchmarks and skin uneveness". Ad features sob story of a poor lass who had to spend ages agonising about what to wear when sunbaking at the poolside lest her stretchmarks be visible. My heart nearly broke, poor critter (I feel sorry for her because of her totally warped attitude to life, but then, she's probably just an actor paid to say that she's upset about her stretchmarks)!!

I have a lovely new set of 4 stretchmarks on my lower abdomen. Really obvious, red things. I like them. It's like getting a set of markings that signify I have been through childbirth. I have carried a bub for 9 1/2 months, my belly has stretched and changed my centre of gravity. Then I had a baby, and it shrunk back to how it was* in about 1/6 of the time it took to grow out. I've been through that life changing event, and have something to signify it on my body. What's the big deal? My partner loves my body, I'm comfortable in it, and I couldn't give a toss what someone else might think should they see my stretchmarks at the beach or pool.

And none of the other recent mums I've met give a toss either. There are far more important things to be thinking of when you have a newborn... (minor things like keeping it warm, fed and secure).

-----------------

We got our census forms last night - a new member of the household to add! Such a novelty that I read through the form and smiled at all the additional items that would have to be filled out this time around! We are no longer a couple household, we're a family with 1 dependent child! Cool!

*(well almost...)

30 July 2006

late 80's early 90's flashbacks

C-chan - ever the hobbyist compilation maker - has just made a compilation or two of late 80's early 90's songs, catapulting me back into the middle years of high school with a thump.

Ah - PM Dawn, with "Set Adrift on Memory Bliss"... one of the first songs I remember with a recognisable sample (Spandeau Ballet); "Busta Move" by Young MC; "Push it" by Salt-n-Pepa; "Fight for your right to Party" by the Beasties; "Insane in the Membrane" by Cypress Hill; and "Trout" by Neneh Cherry and Michael Stipe. To name a few.

Takes me back to days of bludging school (insert sharp intake of breath)*, getting pretend drunk on alcohol-free wine purchased from the supermarket, or later, potent cocktails of whatever we could safely raid from the folks' liquour cabinet, or strongbows if our big brothers were willing to buy it for us, roaming the neighbourhood with friends at night, and sneaking for walks along the train tracks (not too dangerous in 'delaide, because in off-peak trains only come every hour anyway).

Ah, those were the days... were they? Happy to be without the teen angst and puppy fat, but I note that there aren't that many daring boundaries I am even interested in pushing at the moment. I have a different concept of boundaries I'd like to push these days I suppose...

Must check on the baby... who'll be going through a teenagerhood of his own in 14 or so years time. I wonder what boundaries he'll be trying to push? and what limits C-chan and I will be trying to set?

*nb I did this to see if I could get away with it, not because I particularly hated school or was cool

29 July 2006

Babies are funny little creatures...

I just noticed yesterday when E-chan was stretching his little arms above his head that his hands barely clear the top of his head. Stretch out your arms above your head - go on. Elbows about level with the top of your head, right? Now imagine that your arms were only as long as your elbows!! I suppose his arms and legs will get longer and his head will get proportionately smaller, but for now, it's amusing. Don't tell him I laughed at him though...

He's also cracking lots of smiles. Mostly in response to us smiling at him, but it's lovely nonetheless.

---------------

By the way, I keep getting this blogger account information email, as if someone is trying to change my password. Only it's not me. Must be someone else who thinks they have the same login name as me. Or something more sinister?!! Someone trying to control my life via my blog? Someone trying to login to remove things I've written, or worse, add things in?

26 July 2006

Well I'm giving it my best shot...

The last day or two I am considering weaning E-chan from breastfeeding. This is one of the most upsetting decisions I have ever had to make in my entire life, and not one I'm reaching easily. I have shed quite a few tears over it - it's quite an emotional thing for me not being able to breastfeed my baby. I'm reaching the point where I think it might be better for my health and happiness and everyone else's in the household too if we wean him soon and go on to formula.

For over 7 weeks I have been battling huge obstacles - E-chan not learning to attach, finding out it was jaw related (which was a relief - at least it wasn't anything I was doing wrong), then trying to get his jaw treated, all the while battling on with at times painful feeds (when it should be painless after the first week or so), having to top up what he eats with formula, and expressing milk to try to increase my supply, and E-chan crying a lot during feeding as he waits for his bottle etc etc. I'm producing 1/2 to a 2/3 of what he needs, which could be because he isn't attaching properly, or another physiological problem of mine altogether, or both.

Feeding is taking up so much time (feed, then bottle top up, then expressing), when I'd rather be spending time with him playing or walking the streets with him in a pram to rehabilitate my gumby leg. I couldn't have lasted this long if I didn't have such a supportive partner (hooray for C-chan), who gets up at night to help out despite working full time, but I'm on my own most days. My earlier concerns about the allergy genes in my family and feeding E-chan formula take second place now. Genetics are by far a bigger factor in getting allergies, and there are good formulas out there these days where the proteins are broken down into components so that they shouldn't cause an immune response in babies.

The only thing that is keeping me going with the breastfeeding this week is that we had 24 hours of blissful normal feeding a week or so ago following E-chan's appointment at the Osteopath. It just felt right, on the verge of enjoyable. Then apparently he started his 6-week growth spurt and the jaw problem had a throwback or something. Treatment is helping for short periods but then I have 3-4 days wait until the next appointment which is getting less bearable. Some people think I should just give up now and bottle feed, but I'm trying to block out those opinions for the timebeing.

The up sides of stopping breastfeeding for me would be that I wouldn't have to worry about resting so much (as no longer trying to increase milk supply) and I can get back into swimming or walking which I love doing and keeps me sane, that C-chan or I can do the feeding, and that there will be fewer tears from me and E-chan.

Please please PLEASE never judge a woman for not breastfeeding. If she has been through as much as I have trying to establish feeding and failed, she would have faced the prospect of nipple pain vs a screaming starving child, may have gone through feelings of inadequacy, had annoying people judging her for bottle feeding, and now has the inconvenience of having to plan to take a few bottle feeds with her wherever she and her baby go. And then there's the added expense of the formula and bottles and sterilising equipment. Believe me, it is not the easy option.

Here's hoping my next post on this topic will have some better news... fingers crossed.

23 July 2006


Mein Got!
I have a beautiful baby sleeping away in his crib in the room next to me!!!
I'm a mother, and I've kept this baby alive and well for 6 weeks!!!
(sorry, just pinched myself)

So how about this parenthood stuff so far? Well, hard to say. Ultimate lesson in selflessness and patience. Joy in the small things, the little steps. Changing nappies is one of the easiest things to master...

For hours I could stare at his little round alert eyes, stroke his fluffy hair, stroke his smooth smooth skin on his arms or tummy, kiss his cheek repeatedly, eskimo kiss his nose, play with his little hands... Sigh!

21 July 2006

Cuddles and identity crises

E-chan: Waaaa Waaaa
Mumirisa: What's wrong? Do you want a cuddle? (picks up E-chan)
E: gngnnngngnnnnnnn (starts snoring instantly)
M: Well, back to bed then...

Have noticed an alarming trend arising in which I refer to myself as "mummy", not just out loud to E-chan, but also to myself in my head, or talking aloud to self:
"Does Mummy want a cup of tea?" or "Time for mum to have lunch, I think..."
And poor C-chan gets called "Dad" by me half the time (when E-chan is in earshot).

19 July 2006

finding my feet...

Things seem to be getting easier and more enjoyable. Had a great day today - didn't venture outside (didn't want to as weather totally crap), but managed to get lots done including playing with E-chan and video skyping my parents so they could go all ga gaa over him. Am getting better at knowing what he wants when he wants it, so the crying has reduced quite a lot, and he's getting much more sleep (and so am I), so is happier when awake. E-chan is getting good at lifting his neck up and has started making cute little noises! We get lots of smiles also!! Can only manage one outing a day though - did 2 yesterday, and it seemed like way too much to manage.

Went to my 3rd mothers group yesterday, and gradually we are getting to know each other and have fun together with out babies. At the mention of potentially forming a babysitting group yesterday, about 8 of us exchanged details. One of the other mothers lives a hop, skip and a jump away and most are in the same suburb, so it seems likely that a good support network can grow!

15 July 2006

Interview anyone?

Anyone looking for a job, unemployed, perhaps scraping by on the dole or their savings? JetStarr has some openings at the moment... The only catch is you have to fork out $89 dollars to have a personality test done for them!

Is this the start of interviews for the highest bidder in a competitive job market? This is so brilliant I thought I should think up some similar ways to earn an income when my maternity leave pay runs out. $5 a visit/photo/cuddle with bub?

Doting relative: "can I have a cuddle?"
Meririsa: "yes, but that will be $5 thanks - I'm sure you understand we gotta pay the bills somehow!"
Doting relative: "but he's my grandson!!"
Meririsa: "yes, but you get some tangible benefit from it... Warm fuzzy feelings, security that your own genes are passed on and all that"
Doting relative: "?" (privately thinking that it's time we were excommunicated...)

14 July 2006

Mothers' group

Munchkin is stirring, so not sure how much of this post will get written in one go.

Have been to 2 mother's groups in past fortnight or so. An interesting affair, convened by a midwife, in which a large group of mothers sit around in a circle for 2 hours, bubs lying down on a rug on the floor sleeping or their version of playing, or crying and being cuddled, or being fed/burped/jiggled. Most don't make it to the group before baby is 3 weeks of age, and you "graduate" when your baby is 12 weeks.

It's a useful 2 or so hours. The midwife calls for topics at the start of the group, and we discuss them - everything from baby first aid, to sleep requirements, to the use of dummies, to developing your baby's neck muscles by putting them on their tummies 4 times a day. In the group, there are mums that worry about their baby stopping breathing at night, mothers that change their bub's whole outfit at the smallest sign of baby spew (this seems a bit much to me, or am I just a grot?!), mothers that bring along chocolate brownies for all to enjoy (how sweet!!), mothers that have similar problems to me but are further along the track in rectifying them, mothers whose partners aren't very into helping with the baby (not me! phew!) and mothers that are experimenting with new techniques in sleeping and feeding.

Don't know how long it will take me to make friends, but I only have about 8 more weeks to bond with someone and form an ongoing private mother's group, so the pressure is on! A bit of a daunting prospect for a person who sits back and watches for a while before befriending a person. I am sussing out the mothers who have babies around the same age as mine for starters, but it is hard to form an impression of someone in 2 hours. Maybe I'll take the plunge this time and do the organising myself?? It's that, or be relatively isolated in the world of child rearing...

05 July 2006

Fun with nicknames

One thing I'm finding is that along with parenthood I am developing a bit of a talent for coming up with new nicknames for the youngster. I was coming up with at least one new one a day a little while back, but now the favourites are beginning to get used regularly and new ones only spring up every so often. Here's a sample:

- Munchkin (OK, so not original, but he is very munchin-y)
- Munchkin-face
- Munchkinator (a favourite)
- Senor E-chan
- Young/Little Mister (Sorry Mermaidgrrrl, I try not to use the latter 'cause you grabbed that one first but it slips out sometimes)
- Twinkletoes
- Sweet Pea
- Possum (thank goodness he is developing cuddly tendancies)

He will be mortified if I keep using most of these beyond school age, but I doubt he can stop me. It's the role of the parent, after all, to embarrass their offspring up until the end of school-age... yes?

04 July 2006

Lady you don't have a lot of nerve...

Update on leg if you're interested... Tests showed yesterday that I suffered some nerve death during labour. Next birth I go through will have to be a c-section unless I want to risk the nerves that are left, but that's no big deal in the big scheme of things. Full leg function should return, as new nerve fibres will grow from the remaining nerves to compensate. Hopefully my limp and slow walking pace will all be a distant memory by the end of the year....

Master of small things
Meanwhile back at the ranch, E-chan is mastering some basics:
- projectile snot and vomit in Mum's hair (tick!)
- projectile wee in middle of nappy change (tick!)
- and Dad's favourite... poo squashed up the leg and back requiring a full outfit change! (tick!!)
- grabbing (has action right but no strength)
- smiling (tick! very cute little crumby smiles at play time)
- focussing on basic pictures 30cm away (tick!)

Mum is trying to master settling E-chan in between feeds, and team E-chan are all trying to master breastfeeding with still some attachment problems (we're seeing an osteopath tomorrow in the hope that might correct something).

Ciao for now... there's something to attend to as usual!

01 July 2006

Last of the visitors for a while...

I think our flat is too small for houseguests staying with us as of now. Maybe when baby is older and sleeping and feeding a bit predictably we can consider it again. Especially not guests who have a freakish disregard for personal boundaries...

Honestly - it's a curious phenomenon, and I can't remember meeting any other adult with similar tendancies. Most people learn that they need a certain amount of time to themselves to just collect their thoughts, and respect that people they are staying with might require the same. Especially where a 2br flat is concerned. This houseguest would sit hovvering, watching everything I did and jumping up at slightest indication I might need help, and commenting on everything I say or do or don't do.

I don't want to feel ungrateful for the help around the house that this person offered. Sounds hard to fault, I know (therin lies the problem of discussing this issue with such a person), but all this resulted in me feeling like:
a) I was inept and needed help with everything
b) I had no room to make mistakes of my own
c) I couldn't cry, have a bad moment or even fart if I felt like it
d) "everyone" gets to see me at my worst, but in order to feel OK about yourself in these circumstances, you need some offer of intimacy in return, and I didn't get this

I cracked yesterday (well, I'm a bit stressed out at the moment with everything that's going on, not to mention my hormones have dropped lower than they've been for the last 9 months), and afterwards tried to apologise to our houseguest, explaining that it's been more than 3 weeks in confined spaces and having no time to myself or even with just me and my baby. I explained that it's important to me that I am prepared for being on my own with the baby, and that I develop some skill in settling him and feeding him myself. I also explained that I've had no choice at all about having to share the most unpleasant intimate moments (along with the good ones) with people I usually wouldn't choose to share such unpleasant moments with.

To this I was told that "it's not all about me". I don't think it is, but some of it is about me, I'm coping with a fair bit at the moment (sob), and I'm a firm believer that you need to have yourself in some sort of order to function properly. A bit of time devoted to self maintenance does everyone reliant on you the world of good.

One thing I have gained I think is some insight into how you'd need to treat an adult who is sick and under your care. You need to ensure they have some dignity, privacy, be encouraged to do what they can for themself, and have some variety and choice in company.

29 June 2006

THANKS...


For your kind comments, gifts and/or visits to the hospital over the past few weeks. Can you believe E-chan is 3 weeks old tomorrow?

Another pic attached. This is what he is doing now...

28 June 2006

Nipple cripple & expressing yourself

Within 2 days of giving birth, I had serious nipple cripple* in left breast. Turns out there are several crucial thing about breastfeeding that caused this:

- baby over a week overdue... tend to be bigger, suck hard, and are extremely hungry.
- fair anglo saxon skin, and sensitive nipples. Wish I'd spent more time topless at the beach**, toughening up the nipples . Some harsh handling would probably also have prepared me for the pain. Should have perhaps considered some S&M during some more experimental phases in my life.
- baby not latching on with correct technique. This is hard for both mother and baby to master, especially when there is no expert watching on assisting***. In fact, I wonder how the hell anyone used to manage out in the wild when we were hunter gatherers.

Then there is my breast shape. One of my adolescent insecurities was my breast size and shape. Never saw anyone with a simlar shape... I won't descibe them too much because you never know who's lurking in cyber-land. But it seems my breast shape has been noticed in lactation midwife circles to be a type that is sometimes (but not always) not able to establish breastfeeding fully due to supply issues. (Next time I see you all, I bet I catch you gawking at my chest - I don't care by now, as it seems everyone under the sun including brother in law has seen my top half naked, and half of those have inspected my undercarriage as well to see how the stiches are coming along...).

The midwives broke this news to me gently, but for a week or so, it was my worst nightmare of suspected inadequacies being realised. Meanwhile, the other breast was succumbing to and equally bad case of nipple cripple. I had to take baby off the breast entirely and feed it formula or starve it. Hard when you want to breastfeed, but no alternative. Breastmilk is produced on a supply-demand basis, so we had to do things to keep the supply going in the meantime. I was totally amazed at the range of techniques and products available to "express" milk with. Had to do it by hand as pumps were too harsh at first (yes they have motorised pumps for this kind of thing).

I kept thinking of that scene in "Meet the Parents" where Ben Stiller's character describes milking a cat's nipples. Step back a few metres from my life and it all seems surreal. For a while in hospital it was too painful to do myself (kind of like having to rip a band aid off a hairy leg), so midwives would help me, kind of like milk maids. Surreal. Luckily, all was starting to heal by the time I left hospital, and was able to do it myself, and later was able to use a pump, which is nowhere near as labour intensive.

So how has breastfeeding gone post-hospital? I have been getting advice from 3 midwives (2 public, one privately engaged), and we have had to be taught how to do it again almost from scratch. All the while things have been hectic, as we have been trying to boost my supply, and we have a crazy production line of me feeding as much as I can, then handing him over to someone else to top-up bottle feed, while going off to express. This all takes up quite a lot of time, when you include washing and cleaning bottles, and we need a 3rd person around to help when C-chan is at work (he had to work last week and this week, but can take some time off after the new fin-year starts).

Monday I fed E-chan on the breast 3 times, with almost no pain at all on the right hand side. Managed it 4x yesterday, and hope to again today. Saw a midwife at the hospital clinic this arvo, and she was amazed at our progress given how things were when I left hospital. Feel more upbeat after this than I have in ages.... Might be able to breastfeed afterall, to some extent or even fully. Just need to build my supply. Fingers crossed...


* Pretty bad even by the lactation midwife's experience. Not a pretty site. Scabs included. Ugh.
** Have not spent time topless at beach since pre-pubescent...
*** All I can say is thank god I was in this well resourced public hospital, with 1 lactation specialist on duty each day plus 5-6 midwifes on a ward of 56 or so patients. I hear some other public hospitals have 40 beds and a grand total of one regular midwife on duty. No wonder so many women give up breastfeeding so early on.