22 November 2005

Report on this weeks’ to do list

First official (verbal) notification to bosses (I have 2) that am pregnant. No really awkward moments resulted, which was a good start. Reasonably, was asked what the plan was afterwards (they do need to plan what to do in my absence), but other than taking a year off, kept it vague – mostly because I have no definite idea myself and want to keep and open mind because I know most mothers have internal conflicts about working and being a mother of a small child. I’m not sure which way I will swing at the end of the first year, let alone the fact that C-chan will be in the middle of a “career change” around about late next year, and we don’t know what opportunities he will have for a hiatus from work, although he is keen to find one.

Boss #1 turned out to be cool, and when I said I’d prefer he doesn’t tell every/anyone yet, he said “No, it’s your job to let people know”. Offered to make an appointment with Personnel for me to discuss maternity leave situation. Even got an unexpected inoffensive pregnancy joke “Ah there’s nothing so relaxing than relaxin”, which was totally unexpected. [Relaxin is the hormone that increases in pregnancy and relaxes muscles in preparation for giving birth – possibly responsible for the pregnant woman waddle, not to mention other gastrointestinal and urethral malfunctions during pregnancy.] Yeah, I know it wasn’t that hilarious – must have been a joke he and his wife shared - but I prefer intellectual pregnancy jokes to crude ones any day!!

Boss #2 I had been slightly dreading telling, as he loves to tease and said once before he can’t stand babies. However, was pleasantly surprised that he ended up saying his daughter is pregnant also (a few weeks more advanced than me) and had a lot more sensible things to say before some light hearted ribbing… “you wait until they are teenagers!!”

Best responses:
Usually involve the words “Congratulations, how lovely!”, or amusing anecdotes about their/wives’ experiences in the 1st/2nd trimester.

Worst reponses (ranked with increasing tactlessness):
3) Oh! What will you do? Will you come back to work?
2) Oh! That’s great… I assume?
1) Oh?! Have you been trying long?

I don’t mind friends asking me these questions at all, but this is where work and personal life should be kept separate. The only person at work who I think has the right to reasonably ask me question #3 are my direct managers. The rest isn’t really relevant to anyone except people I want to share it with. Questions 1 & 2 have so much potential to be offensive and hurtful to people who have either not planned their pregnancy and find themselves in a difficult situation, or have been trying under difficult circumstances unsuccessfully or with painful miscarriages. C-chan’s Mum said people were always asking her questions just like this, and “so when are you going to have kids?”, and in her case, it had been a long and painful process trying to get pregnant.

Do people I work with really want to have details of my sex life and level of fertility? Why do people feel the need to ask this? Often people you don’t know are more interested in getting news that they can have ready to tell other people…

So all in all, people don’t think before they speak, but at least I haven’t had any form of sex discrimination or harassment from my first bout of news. So far, so good. Now if only someone would offer me a place to nap in the afternoon….

The most ignorant question has to be “do you know if you are having a girl or a boy?”. For the record, at 12 weeks, the answer is “NO. No frickin idea. You can only make out the head and limbs in the ultrasound. And, no, I don’t mind which gender the child turns out to be.”

Clothes situation:
Jeans are no longer comfortable. Most of my skirts are not fitting, or won’t before too long. Have found a few better tops and a skirt and some Thai fisherman pants that are cotton and tie up. That’s better!

17 November 2005

Oh and I forgot to mention....

Amongst the news stories about flooding rivers setting a certain brewery's christmas display adrift (imagine the baby Jesus walking on water and a fibreglass whale making a break for freedom towards the sea), and constant news stories about either SA-based AFL teams, Adelaide television had something else that we don't have here in the east. These are government-funded tele campaigns with Tim Flannery urging South Australians to turn of their lights when they're not in a room, and turn off their computers when they're not in use. Complete with a "This initiative forms part of the SA strategic plan" sped-up message at the end of the Ad. Is anyone else aware of this sort of thing happening elsewhere in Oz? I just can't imagine the NSW govt ever sponsoring such a campaign...

14 November 2005

Destination: Hometown

Have just successfully completed my first work trip since becoming a host organism! Went quite well, was only ill 1 of the 4 mornings, and thankfully not on the plane or anywhere except my hotel room. I think it might be tapering off (yippee!!). Was tired etc as usual, and it was hard to resist kicking on with the others for the lovely Hindley Street night life, but one must make sacrifices at certain times in their life. Even managed to make it for breakfast at the Central Markets, which didn't disappoint. Wanted to do my grocery shopping then and there, but it wasn't exactly practical.

Conference was quite stimulating, and even made a few contacts which could be useful should I want to work elsewhere in the next few years. Highlight was a presentation from the Aussie Nobel Peace Prize winner, discussing the diagnostic innovations and commercialisations that resulted from his team's breakthrough discovery that a bacterium causes stomach ulcers.

I was able to tag on an overnight stay at my folk's place at the end of my conference, which was an added bonus. My folks are getting more interesting as they get older... they are both active participants in their local reconciliation group, which has erected a cool monument and meeting place on the site of a home where some "stolen generation" kids were raised after being removed from their families in northern SA, and is now a major destination for school kids as part of their Australian Studies programs. Mum's busy with a PhD, while Dad is weaning out of work, knocking back involvement in further committees, and working his impressive vege garden, with 3 compost bins, and crops as diverse as bok choy, asparagus and a blueberry bush!! After 30 years of good soil management, the Adelaide hills clay is now a dark brown soil rich in organic matter and earthworms.

To do list for week:
- talk to personnel dept about maternity leave situation (of course, when you re-read the policy, it's not as clear cut as it seemed 6 months ago)
- disclose to bosses that am a host organism before it gets obvious (and so I can "come out" in general, as am nearing the magic 2nd trimester)
- find some pants and skirts that can "grow with me"
Easy peasy.

04 November 2005

Sluggishness and other ramblings (from one who has lost her mental faculties)

Friend and mother-of-2-year-old asked me when I told her I’m preggers: “now, are you ready to lose your mental faculties?”. I now think I know what she meant.

On top of that, I feel predominantly like a slug at present. I slide out of bed in the morning (so I don’t faint or make self sick), I get up and wash my face and lie down for a few more minutes. I get dressed and get myself off to work. I am a grumpy, terse slug for much of the morning - a little blunter than usual in past few days at meetings…“Can you hurry up? We’re all waiting for you!” to guy who is late and fiddling around with email….”So what are you getting at?” to people who go off in never-ending tangents…”PLEASE one person at a time!!” when people keep talking over each other. Totally justified, but I usually have more tact and cheeriness than that).

I eat nuts, wholemealy biscuits and vegemite, yoghurt, and fruit as am able in morning. Small lunches (it’s getting squashed for space in there), mouthfuls separated by big sighs – I’m sure that’s how slugs would behave.

I look longingly around office for somewhere I could nap for a few mins without anyone noticing, but window-wall means everyone can see in. (Can’t wait until I have officially told employer so I can be open about everything, but time is not right yet.)

Home again, for more snack food while I can before AS/ES kicks in (afternoon / evening sickness). Can’t face thought of cooking, eat what can, fall asleep on couch or drag self off to bed. Went to bed at 8:30 last night, woke up at 1:30, was sick, then was forced to overhear someone else having “a really nice time” with their windows open. Wonder how I ever had energy, but must have, clearly to be in state I am in now. The world is so boring at 1:30 am – C-chan is just as tired as me with all he has on, so can’t wake him up for a chat. The TV channels could at least re-run popular programs for night owls, but instead they throw on 5th-rate American sitcoms, infomercials, evangelists and parliamentary question time. Everything else (e.g. cleaning house, sitting upright) takes too much energy.

I’m told that after a while (end of 1st trimester), energy levels return, and sickness decreases for most. Can’t wait. Wanna be out there doing laps in der pool; pounding the pavement; cooking up a storm; having weird-ass cravings for pickles and ice-cream rather than sparrow eating. Not to mention all the planning/chucking out/cleaning up we need to do around the house to make room for baby stuff, and the fact that I only know of one maternity wear shop in the whole of Sydney (but haven’t done a serious search yet either). My wardrobe is almost entirely lacking loose-fitting summer wear, for the top half anyway. I’m not showing yet, but certainly am not liking tight fitting clothes as much as I used to.

Had first Ultrasound this week! This is the dating ultrasound. To be honest, I never had any doubt about conception date (or date from last period, as they calculate the 40 weeks from), as am aware enough of my cycle to know what was going on, when, but I suppose the Public Health system can’t just take your word for it. For all they know, I could be some nut case with an imagined pregnancy. I suppose it helps them get me in the system, and plan how many babies are due to be born in the hospital in months to come. The US confirmed that bub is alive and well, has limbs and a head, and has a (normally) fast heart rate (160 bpm – as fast as mine when I have been swimming hard). Confirmed that bub is 10 weeks along this week, alive, and the size it should be. Phew.

--------------------
As an aside, check out this article entitled "Where is Superman?" This is exactly what I (as an amateur social theorist) have been thinking a big part of the problem with inequality in the family/career balance thing has been.