That's it! Books aside for occasional reference only!

I have decided to shelve parenting books for a while. Sure, they have their place... especially at first when everything is new and wierd, when trying to get an idea of where your baby fits in the spectrum of things. Also when you are reaching a new developmental phase - such as introducing solid foods. But not to be consulted for every fricken little change to tell you whether it should be happening or not, or to tell you what your baby should be doing at each minute of the day!! I see this happening around me - parents have one or two nights where bub is waking up more frequently than "normal", and they're on the phone to the Tresilian helpline, asking advice.

Not suprisingly, I was reading something the other day which commented on how the rise in the number of self professed "parenting experts" is disempowering for parents, as it makes them feel inadequate. Also, it takes advantage of the fact that traditional parent support (granny, aunts and uncles or even the old lady up the road) are no longer available to help parents raise kids. This resonated strongly with me.

Instead of wondering if I should read a different parenting book to get answers, I think I should trust my instincts and ability to think laterally with E-chan. I was fortunate enough to have very loving, sensible parents, and should trust that I can take a lot from how they raised me when he is a bit older. Also, I think rather than accept solitude and books as my only option with all my family interstate or overseas, I'm better off building support networks within my mother's group. After all, mothers learn best from talking and sharing experiences.

That means tolerating differences in opinion and approach, and getting other mums to tolerate my opinions and approach - our options for sharing the care of E-chan are paid care, people I met less than 6 months ago (and whom C-chan has barely gotten to know) at mother's group, plus a few close and trusted friends. Frightening, really, the rate at which we need to build trusting relationships, but sometimes you just have to put yourself out there. Although both C-chan and I came from a loving and sensible families, they were also quite sheltered, which can cause us to look inwards and towards like-minded people rather than outwards when in times of need. But we both want E-chan to experience people with a wide range of philosophies, approaches, interests etc in his life, and we simply cannot provide him with all of that ourselves. Our immediate family couldn't provide that even if they were in the same city...