Cycles

Things come and go in cycles – we all know. And of course with a period of uncertainty, one can feel a little low when additional setbacks, the ones that come out of the blue, make you feel worse than it should. A few things are changing in our household this year – mostly the children are transitioning to a new childcare centre.

This is better in the long run, I’m sure – we can walk there with the kids & not have to worry about being reliant on the car and parking and all those hassles, there should be more time at the end of the day between picking them up and starting dinner which means more quality and playing time for me with them. But there have been a few teething problems to sort out in this centre which made us wonder if we were doing the right thing.

Moving from the familiar – where our kids have been going since E-chan was 11 months, where he has bonds with all his teachers and good friends, where Astro-girl feels comfortable and was starting to make baby friends – to the unfamiliar. We have needed to reach out to new people to put down as our Emergency Contacts on the children’s forms, to cover us in case in the rare instance that we are both unable to be reached in emergency, and some people we regard as good friends did not give us a very straightforward answer which was slightly bewildering.

And then things start to cycle upwards again…. 2 other families who live in our immediate neighbourhood have been more than happy to help out as “emergency contacts”, as we are with them. And of course it’s a good centre, and our kids are starting to orient themselves. Our eldest is doing us proud – introducing himself to his new carers and telling them his age, and asking where the toilets are, and telling his little sister that he will show her around on her first day. All this he came up with himself. He’s growing up and all the things we teach him are gradually sinking in.

After his 3rd week, however, he spat the dummy and didn’t want to go. I totally understand how he feels – I started a new job recently, and I didn’t know anyone, and no one offered to take me to lunch. But I am self sufficient and have dealt with this many times, while E-chan is dealing with it for probably the first time since he has been old enough to fully comprehend his position. By contrast, his baby sister bumbles along in the new centre and is happy to follow along other kids and play with new toys.

What to do? There is nothing we can do – we can’t change him back to his old centre, we can’t keep him at home with us, I can’t quit my job, I can’t get family to look after him. What’s more, he’ll go through all this again next year starting school. It’s just one of those situations where as a parent all you can do is offer your support and understanding and give lots of extra cuddles to cheer them up, because only he can teach himself how to make new friends…. a life skill truly worth learning.

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And then there’s cycles of the menstrual kind. Apparently – according to my Dr – in your mid to late 30’s, cycles start to get irregular again. And for many, heavier. Great. My cycles have always been light and just under 4 weeks long, and I have just had a long time either pregnant or breastfeeding, which has meant no periods or very light ones. Part of me is transported back to my teens again, worried about when my period might start, will I be caught out without pads etc, wearing the wrong kind of thing? Exiting the “young lady” category is meant to be more dignified, surely?

Graffiti by omission

I wish I knew if there is a proper term for this... it's something I noticed a lot when I first moved to Sydney, especially on trains: people deface signs by scratching out or subtly changing letters to make them humorous.

E.g. on trains: "at night time, rave with the guards under the blue light" (where "rave" used to be "travel")

The other month I saw a cracker on the side of a van - I keep seeking it parked near my home, and I'm surprised it hasn't been fixed...

Originally, it would have been:

"Decrease your home loan costs. The broker with nothing to hide!"

Now, it reads:

"Decrease your melon costs. Broke with nothing to hide!"

Made me chuckle!
Have you seen any graffiti by omission lately?

Week 5 (?) of bad sleep and our conversational ability is degraded somewhat...

After what seems like many weeks now of bad sleep - due to Astro-girl finally getting colds after a dream run of not, and the rest of us catching them too and feeling generally like cr*p - we are exhausted! 
Sick babies have trouble breathing through their noses, and there isn't much you can do but get up to them and give them a hug when they cry, wipe their little noses, give them a drink, or give them something for their fever if they have one. E-chan has been sleeping through his sister's wakings, despite sharing a room with her, and waking us up on separate occasions most nights. So despite a only being woken once last Saturday night, lately it's been more like 3 times a night. On average. Leaves you running on reserve most days, scatty, feeling like you have mountains of stuff you should be doing, but just can't.

This is coupled with end of financial year mahem at C-chan's work, resulting in long hours, with variable coming-home times. We're lucky if he's home for dinner with us one weeknight a week, and even then we're usually more than half way through our dinner before he gets home. I'm pretty fed up with it all.

The other morning C-chan left for work, and said good bye. I replied:

"Right, see you later tonight, when at least one of the kids will probably be in bed already, the house will be a mess because I won't have managed to clean up dinner or the toys yet, your dinner will be cold, and you can complain about having to do housework after such a long day at work, countered by my complaint that I haven't managed to even get to half the housework so don't you start, before Astro girl wakes up and screams for 2 hours straight".

We both had to agree that this pretty much sums things up lately. Things go in phases with kids, and usually there are many good weeks that go by without much reflection that they are indeed good. But gee, would be nice for this phase to pass by soon.*

*PS last night we only had one waking, yay!

Neighbours (becoming friends, and freaky noises in the night, part 5)

We had a nice little kiddy corner thing going on in our end of our apartment complex. Next door, there were twin boys (now 16 months), and across the corridor, a family of 5 with kids between 6 and 11. The other two mums were home most days, and we could poke our heads out the door and say "hello", chat when we needed adult company, or lend obscure cooking ingredients or appliances. It was nice to have people living nearby who you know are sympathetic when kids cry/chuck tantrums/are being sent to the naughty corner.

But last month, the family with twins moved to the next suburb, and now the other family have bought another unit in the complex - not so far away, but not across the corridor any more. The nice thing is we have become friends with these families, and will keep seeing them.

So what are the new neighbours like? Hard to tell so far, but relatively quiet. They are a couple, and seem nice enough. The fella's work takes him away from home for weeks at a time, so his partner has friends/relatives come to stay with her. She is a sports psychologist and dance instructor!

Last night I we were getting ready for bed, and heard a weird thumping. We thought "oh no, late Sunday night renovations?" I went out into the corridor to try to work out what the noise was, and thought it sounded a bit too rhythmically perfect for a hammer.... then the noise stopped and was finished off with a round of applause from a few people! It was TAP DANCING!

Now I know what it was, it won't bother me again!

Quest for most compatible hairdresser may be at a close...

Over the years, I have suffered from dreadful incompatibility with my hairdressers. While everyone likes to look nice, I do find my hair cut can be one of the things that gets shoved down the "to do" list when busy - I just grow my hair longer for a while. This is partly because I dread the hairdresser experience...

Don't get me wrong, I love having my hair played with, washed, the smells, the coffee/wine and a tim tam. Many times, I have nearly fallen asleep, semi-reclined at the back of the salon as the warm water washes out my shampoo.

But I do find that hairdresser conversation can be a tad on the mind-numbing side. From the high pitched "So what are you up to tonight?!?" conversation from past young hip, female hairdressers, who struggle to continue conversations I start due to vastly different interests, through to Very Serious male hairdressers who take their business Very Seriously, and give you a 5 minute run-down at the end of the styling process about how they cut down that line to give me more body etc etc blah blah blah, I do find I wish I didn't have to nod and put on a smile all the time.

So a year or so ago I found a salon that was an improvement somewhat. I never managed to have the same hairdresser, but their music was plucked from my own collection, and the conversation wasn't too bad.
Then someone gave me Carmelo's number....

Carmelo operates out of his own house around the block from me. I expected a gay guy in his 40's or 50's, daggy decor, and I don't know what else - shirts tucked into tight ish jeans, fluffy white pooches... Apart from being gay, I got most of this wrong. Carmelo is youngish, of Italian extraction with stunning blue eyes and glasses. He has a dog, but medium sized and black. His house was done in 40's-50's retro style, but humbly so. Immaculate, but then you have to keep things tidy if people use your living room as waiting room.
Sure, I was handed the standard hairdresser array of style magazines, which left me annoyed at myself for forgetting a book.

But then I noticed his book collection. "Succulent Plant Dictionary", and a book about the stereotyping of men, then finally as my hair got washed, cut and styled, I found the time flew, as we had many interests in common. Or perhaps he's just a really good people person. Or it's something to do with the fact that people are coming into his home to have their hair cut, and you can't really pretent to be something you're not. Whatever: I had pleasant, interesting and rambling chats, spanning many of my common conversational topics. My friend says she often comes home with mascara streams down her cheeks from laughter... I may actually find myself going to get a hair cut a bit more often for a while!

Whirlwind weeks. Again.

Introducing solids to babies is a drag at first. They push food out, grab the spoon off you, fling food, grimace at new textures and flavours, take ages to eat a tablespoon of mush. That, and until they're eating well and they have less frequent milk feeds, you seem to be feeding them constantly. And cleaning up constantly. And washing bibs and clothes constantly. This can leave little time for anything else, some days.

And this term* E-chan is doing 2 classes - Gymbaroo and swimming lessons. Every day except Sunday has something on. Poor little Astro Girl gets carted around everywhere. It's a wonder she gets any time to practice sitting, rolling, babbling, and eating. But she somehow manages it, and is progressing as she should. No teeth yet (nearly 7 months), but we expect them any day.

Last week was almost an nightmare week. It started with me being a little bit more down than usual: our neighbours, who have little twin boys, and who are great neighbours, and who I'm starting to do more with now that she is managing to get out and about and the boys are older, have put their place on the market. My first thought was "great, yet another person moving away". That, and the lack of job/career issue which bothers me from time to time. And the horrible horrible humid weather, which I hate and makes my skin break out in eczema, and my hands are a complete mess, and I have to wear cotton gloves a lot of the time to stop myself scratching. Then hubby came down with the flu (luckily it turned out to be mild). Then Astro-girl got a fever. Then I got a blocked milk duct (you don't want to know more). Throw in a few nights with less than my (infant-adjusted) average sleep due to all the above factors, and I am knackered.

My eyelids feel like they are lined with sandpaper. My brain is foggy and I keep forgetting things. I've been forgetting to do important things. Forgetting to even reply to invitations, let alone confirm I can't make it. Forgetting doctors appointments.

On the upside, my parents sent us "my" piano - after more than a decade of sitting in their living room as a glorified picture frame stand, they managed to send it over to me so we can play it. It is dreadfully out of tune, but I hope to have the fixed soon. Can't wait to play some more. I hope one, if not both of my kids will get some joy out of playing it, and that I might be able to practice enough to get to a stage where I can have fun with it - playing nursery rhymes for E-chan's kindy, playing sing along songs or christmas carols for example.

Another upside is that I'm starting to get out with friends on my own again. I managed 2 hours out last week after the kids were in bed out with my friend, and we talked for 2 hours straight. It was so nice to not be interrupted by things that needed doing, a babbling baby or a yabbering preschooler. Nice to think this sort of thing can become more frequent now, and that in probably around 6 months, my body will be mine again, mostly.

Another upside (in what must be a 4-sided pyramid?) is that we're a happy family, getting through life's "ups and downs" with plenty of laughter, chaos, yelling, cuddling, and love. All around. Each of us loves the other three. Even the youngest - Astro-girl - pouts when her daddy leaves in the morning, beams at me when I go to get her from her cot, and studies her big brother adoringly. This makes the hard weeks more than worthwhile.



* suddenly things are run in "terms". This is getting scarily close to school, if you ask me.

Bamboozled, and the OSM

I've thought it odd since moving into our current residence - part of a strata complex - how much good stuff just gets thrown out when people move out or put their houses up for sale and cull stuff for the inspection. So far, we have nabbed a few largish canvases (which we'll paint white and use for something else), a perfectly good plant pot, a watering can, and the odd bit of furniture. But this takes the cake. They were was left in our common courtyard, and after a few months of promising to collect these, the owner finally admitted she didn't want them after all, and anyone was welcome to take them.

See picture. The pots alone probably cost around $100 each. We have been thinking for a while that we'd like to get some larger pot plants as a bit of a privacy screen, as you can see right into our neighbours living room when you stand to the far left of this picture. It was a major effort to move them into our courtyard, but I'm glad we did. The bamboo itself needs work. They are overgrown, and need thinning at the roots, which will be a major effort (anyone want to offer their assistance?!). There is a third pot like this which has cracked right down the length of the pot, obviously because the roots have multiplied too many times. But I like them, I like that we finally have some substantial greenery to soften our courtyard, and that I can use some of our waste water a 2nd time rather than have it go down the drain! Let's see if I can get them growing well without killing them off!

The "Oh S**t!" moment
One of Crikey's blogs had a story about the "OSM", where readers were encouraged to write in about the moment when they realised fully that climate change was due to carbon pollution, and that the effects on the climate were going to be significant. Makes interesting reading, although some respondants do go off the point a bit.

Arthur? Martha? What? Who? How? WHEN?

Things are busy here at Chateau Meri. I realised over the weekend that there are only around 6 weeks until the arrival of the baby (by caesarian, I've decided), and had a bit of a melt down. On top of work being busy (don't want to talk about that, though), tomorrow is E-chan's birthday, and it is the first time he really gets what is going on, wants a party, and wanted to invite friends. Cute. It's a busy time of year for birthdays, because most of my Mother's group have birthdays around this time. Makes sense - that's how we met. But means there is something on each weekend.

BUT EVEN MORE STUFF TO DO!

I don't think I'm going to have much time between going on Mat leave and baby, so we have been packing all sorts of things into our weekends and week days. Fixing windows, painting oppressively dark bookshelves white, taking stock of our newborn clothes, bedding, bottles and bunny rugs, putting the rail back on the cot, re-arranging E-chan's room to accomodate his baby sister*, doctor's appointments, keeping toddlers amused, and mediating fights and tantrums caused by not wanting to share toys.

On top of that, a housing development - which is opposed by most residents in the area AND the council - has come back "revised" but not really any better, and residents in our area have had only a few weeks to gather responses (as opposed to those who propose the developments, who do it as a full-time job). We have reason to fear Council and resident objections will be ignored, the development will go ahead, and a precious patch of winter light and natural heating will be lost.

Health-wise we are OK. I had a cold, which has cleared mostly, but at the Dr's I recorded possibly my lowest ever blood pressure reading. Better than having hypertension, yes, but also means I can feel lethargic and dizzy. Baby is bearing down hard on my cervix lately, yet my lungs feel compressed and I feel breathless. Pregnancy is feeling much more undignified this time around. I probably have more on my plate this time, but it's partly age I think. Amazing what a difference it makes being only 3 years older. Greatest of respect to those to manage pregnancy in their 40's.

I am so far behind in writting letters/emails to dear friends, it's not funny. My hair hasn't had a trim for half a year. I better stop listing this stuff or I will have another melt down...

x

* too hard to keep it a secret this time - looks like we're having a girl.

Dancing to own beat

There's a junkie who lives or hangs out near my work. I often see him on my way home, gesticulating to the sky/talking to God, taking photos of random things with a mobile phone, dancing and skipping along to his own beat. He's often wearing only jeans, which hang dangerously low on his hips, exposing the creases that go diagonally down from the hip to between the legs on skinny men's bodies.

A few weeks ago, I was having a lunch-time catch up with my boss outside the tea room on the 5th floor of my building. I was looking outwards, over her shoulder, where I could see junkie-guy doing the most intense dance ever on the top of a nearby multi-storey car park. You know, a re-enacting Flashdance kind or dance. It was quite distracting.

Consumerism gone bonkers

I grew up in a different state from my relatives. I got the odd letter from my grandparents and on occasion, from favoured Aunties. Many of Grandma's letters in particular I still have, because they make me laugh and remember what she was like. I think I got a present (nb - singular) for birthdays and Christmas. I don't really remember - it can't have been that important. We agreed amongst family that this would stop when we turned 18. I do remember (most ungratefully) that many of the clothes sent to me from interstate relos were really not my style (e.g. pink or disney), or were ill fitting (even then, I had broad shoulders and muscular legs).

So now I look at what is sent over to my son. He gets:
- multiple birthday presents from each set of grandparents and from each uncle (ie toys plus clothes)
- multiple Christmas presents from each set of grandparents and from each uncle
- and 3-5 parcels per year, for no apparent reason usually with 3-5 things for him

And, in his short life, he has accumulated:
- 50 gazillion matchbox cars, planes, helicopters*
- a sizable train set and more trains and carriages than he can fit on the track
- 5 teddy bears, plus another 10 or so soft toys
- 5-6 tip trucks
- Over 20 DVD's of TV series and kids movies
- Gazillions of baby toys, rattles, things to teethe with etc (which were about as interesting to him as a plastic bottle filled with dried rice or chickpeas).
- 2 and a half shelves of books (some of them my old books from when I was a kid, and includes Harry Potter, which we bought relatively recently, but still...)
- and much much more.

* more than my brother and I had combined by the time we were 8-9 years old.

So here is my conundrum. I'm trying to cut down the stuff we have, and not get things we don't need. I'm ashamed of all the stuff and clutter we have, yet I know most of the stuff we have isn't stuff we've bought. However, it's ungrategul to say you don't want the gifts you are given out of generosity and love. But did my Grandparents love me any less because they gave me less stuff? No, of course not.

One grandparent's view is that if we don't want something, we can get rid of it. Sounds simple, but in reality, it means:
- storing stuff somewhere to take to a charity bin (none very close to my place, and I keep forgetting, therefore have bags of stuff at home to get rid of).
- saving stuff somewhere to give away to closer friends when the time is right (again, I forget about them, and invariably find them a year later)
- throwing out perfectly good stuff in the trash (WASTE WASTE WASTE!)
- Videos - what do you do with them? Charities don't want them, e-bay maybe (I'd rather not go there), or garage sale (don't really have somewhere to do it).

All the above is fine when you have plenty of time and mobility, but we don't at the moment, having both of us working, and a toddler, and me pregnant. I would argue that them compulsively buying stuff makes them feel warm and fuzzy, helps them to express their feelings. At times the presents are thoughtful or something we don't have already, but much of the time, it is just more "stuff".**

I've told my mum many times not to give me clothes, because she never ever buys anything that I like (it was getting ridiculous - I had to say something to her bluntly in my early 20's ...), and when she gives me her old clothes, they are always in colours that she knows I never wear. Yet SHE STILL DOES IT to this day !! Getting hand-me-downs in general is fine, by the way, as I don't feel like resources are being wasted making them. But really - does anyone have the same taste in clothes as their mother? I suppose I should at least be grateful that she does shop in her local St Vinnes sometimes for clothes for E-chan rather than buying brand new. Babies sometimes wear things for 3 months or less before they grow out of them.

Anyway, I've tried dropping hints, discussing gently the possibility that presents are being given to make up for not being able to be living in the same city, and that while we appreciate that sentiment, it's way more than I was given as a kid, and I never felt like I went without. They agree. But as C-chan and I were talking about the other night, a lot of people acknowledge their behaviour, then keep on doing it. I also talk about trying to keep down the amount of "stuff" we have (particularly when we lived in the 2 br unit). But it falls on deaf ears. Except with my Father, who I know has similar feelings to me about buying stuff, but it's not him doing the buying, anyway.

I'm thinking maybe in future visits from the grandparents in particular, I'll get them involved with helping me get rid of all the stuff we don't need... But really, can people not control their urges to shop for new things all the time? Does loving your grandchild justify all the wasted resources? I know I should look more at my own buying behaviour more rather than worrying about theirs, but all this "stuff" is our problem to sort out too...

Home and sick. Siiiiiiick....

I was surprised that we managed to go back to child care this year and avoid getting colds etc, saw may kids with green goozies hanging down from their nostrils, and thought "it's only a matter of time....". But alas, E-chan has avoided getting sick this year, and it's me that's somehow managed to come down with something. It's no surprise, as there is lots going on - our to-do list is never-ending it seems, and is making weekends busy.

We've had to buy a new fridge, because our old one is alternating between freezing things, and not being warm enough (despite the settings not being changed), is just about too small (and will certainly be come the end of July). Our poor little 10-year old fridge served us well through our DINKy days, moving states and moving house many times, but it's now time to upscale to the family sized version. I hope our new one lasts us much longer. Am looking forward to having more fridge space, and being able to freeze more leftovers, as our freezer didn't have much room for that once all the frozen peas etc took up their place, and I was beginning to be bugged by how much food was going off before we used it. What a waste! But the logistics of getting a new fridge - working out what has to be thrown out, what can survive a few hours unrefridgerated, what must stay frozen, and what will last in an esky bag with ice for a bit. Our neighbours have offered to help with some fridge space, which is handy.*

Also, I'm looking into buying us all non-plastic drink bottles (such as the stainless steel ones made by Ecotank, Earthlust, or Kleen Kanteen - they're quite hard to get, and you have to order them over the internet). I sometimes buy water in a plastic bottle, on the occasions when I forget to take my own drink and there is no water fountain, and I really don't like soft drinks, so even though I know I'm being ripped off, I'd rather drink water and pay for it. I reuse the bottle many times, but am beginning to be (more) concerned about plastics, the resource intensity of their production, their impact on the environment, and possible toxins. I also like a bottle by my bedside, so there are no annoying 3am spillages as I fumble around in the dark to have a drink of water. While I'm at it, I'm looking into baby bottles for baby #2 that are BPA-free. 6 fairly major brands have just announced they will release a BPA-free baby bottle range this year in the US (and at least one of them will release that range here too - hopefully in time for our bub) - yah to the consumer lobbyists who campaigned so long for this.

We had our 19-week ultrasound yesterday. Baby is displaying all the normal characteristics, with 1o digits on its hands and feet, normal size, normal heart etc, which is great news. Time soon to start going through all the teeny, tiny baby clothes and give away the ones we know we won't use this time around. Soon E-chan's big boy bed will arrive - he's currently on a single mattress on the floor, and we are gradually accumulating single bedlinen for him. The cot is now empty for next baby, and we're trying to sort out their room and the best configuration for the furniture.

On top of this, my allergies have returned, as I haven't been getting my desensitising shots for a few months, and my system needs another few years of the injections for the dust and pollen allergies to stop bothering me permanently. It seems the warm, humid weather we're having is dust-mite heaven. Am having to buy new dust covers for pillows and mattresses (all the old ones had worn out), and vacuum the floor and hot wash all the bedding ideally every week (more like 1.5 to 2 weeks) to kill off all the dust mites. It's good to realise my hayfever and asthma symptoms had amost gone while I was being desensitised, and once I have finished breastfeeding, I'll start on the shots again - definitely worthwhile not to be troubled with frequent runny noses and wheezes. The eczema, while also caused by food intolerances and detergent exposure, was also a bit milder while I had the shots.

So, going to have a rest now, and vege out....

*I'm sorry that this post is a bit of an "updating all my friends" kind of post. Feel free to tune out if you're bored by it...

babe-alert

I'm currently notching up acquaintances of the newborn variety – they are all special of course, and I would have mentioned some of these earlier had I not been a bit flustered of late!

1) My new niece – Lena-chan, who was born in mid-January. First girl of the family, and absolutely lovely! I’d love to see and cuddle her, but will have to be content with images over the computer until either I can get my family to Japan or my brother can get his (now with 3 kids – argh!) here. Her big brother is being good and responsible, her middle brother doesn’t quite understand…
2) Young Isaac, dear first born of friends Angel and Dr J, who was born the next day. He is thriving and doing all the sorts of things newborns are supposed to do, and even went to sleep for a few hours when we were visiting on Saturday night so Mum and Dad could relax and enjoy dinner! Good boy!
3) Twins next door! My neighbour finally had her twin boys this morning, after a long gestation as far as twins are concerned (38 weeks!). Poor neighbours have been freaking out at the thought of having two of them – hope they manage to work out some sort of routine soon.

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We also have had a family with 3 kids recently move in over the corridor. They’re an academic family, accustomed to moving cities, and the Mum is a pragmatic type who gets to know her neighbours quickly so she has someone to ask about where to go for shopping, doctors etc etc. We also had a bizarre shared phone line (telco’s stuff up…) for a few days, and had to try to sort that out, which was weird, but another storey entirely. Only problem is they all have hard-to-pronounce Hebrew names. I’ve committed the parent’s names to memory, though.

Last night, their middle child (roughly 7 years old?) knocked on the door:

Child: Hello! Mom wants to know if we could borrow your can opener. We have one but it doesn’t work.
Me: Sure

I lent them the can opener and sent her on her way. 10 minutes later, knock on the door again:

Child: Hi. Mom wants me to say “thanks very much”
Me: Not a problem – tell her it’s fine!

This is the first time anyone has ever knocked on our door and asked to borrow anything, and it’s kind of nice, actually. I’ve always thought people are over-cautious about intruding on privacy in inner-city areas (especially where renters move in and out of high density areas all the time). Sure you run the risk of interrupting something. But when I knock on my neighbours door, they always invite me in it seems – you wouldn’t do that if you are too busy… Our neighbours who just had twins were so worried about the noise their babies will make. I told them not to be silly – newborns are quiet compared to toddlers (I reckon), and we can’t hear through the walls anyway. I’d rather hear noise from babies or kids, than party music past 11pm, loud television noise, or power tools early or late in the day…

Before and after bath shots

This is a real estate agent shot of our main bathroom, until a week or so ago. That - on the floor, behind the sink - is *supposed* to be a bath. A "Roman Bath", as if it wasn't just a tiled rectangular shower floor, and romans dressed in togas could actually sit around it and discuss politics. A glass screen blocks off the shower partition so that if you were prepared to use 5 million L of water, you could half fill it up, but not recline comfortably at all. These roman baths are the running joke of all the apartment owners in our block. We've been bathing our son in a blue plastic crate since we moved in.

This is our shiney new bath, baby! The blue tiles are no longer available, so we went with a retro multicoloured tile with similar colours to surround the bath. Last night, I gave it a wash down, and E-chan had his first bath in it. So, so much better than the blue crate, which he had refused to even sit in lately. And tonight's the night... I will have a bath of my own. [Note also plenty of ledge space for candles, books etc to perch on.]

Themes for the week

Mozzies!
Yargh! I’ve had enough of them interrupting my sleep! It’s bad enough that it’s hot, and that my bladder capacity is fast shrinking, requiring me to get up at least once a night!

Financial crises.
I’m too upper middle class to be affected by this yet. But I do hear 2nd hand accounts of layoffs. So at this stage the saturated media coverage of financial crises is a bit tiring. All the signs are there that things are going to get worse for us affluent westies, but the symptoms haven’t really kicked in. But this is bigger than just coping with different economic times – this goes hand in hand with all of us learning to be more resourceful, managing with less, leaving a smaller footprint, and we should be doing this anyway.
However, I know a recession doesn’t bite everyone a little bit – a chunk of the population will be just fine, a majority of the population will cut back on luxuries or hold off on major expenses, and a chunk of the population will sink into or remain in poverty. See Beesharp's latest post for more discussion on this and associated comments...

Kids.
I live for when it’s time to go pick up my little boy at the end of work days. He’s loving Kindy this year, and has moved up a year from the nursery to “K1”, where he gets a smaller group with other kids between 2-3, but also the chance to mix with older kids during unstructured play times. I have to say I’m loving our child care centre too – it seems to be the right place for my child at the right time, and all the staff seem really good, and there are parents there I want to make friends with. I have no complaints, whereas I do hear them from some parents with kids at other centres.

Last week I went to pick up E-chan, and we sat down as he finished his afternoon tea and a drink of water. Another slightly older kid sat next to us, and I noticed he had a cool UFO kiddy watch on:

Me: That’s a nice watch!
Kid: Yeah – my mum gave it to me.
Me: can you tell the time on it?
Kid: Yes
Me: ! [momentarily impressed]
Kid: When the big hand gets to here [points at the “10”], it means it’s half past the hour, and this here [points to the “11”] is the equals sign.
Me: Oh really?!
Kid: Mmmmm.

My hit single...
Last night I dreamed up a song. In my dream, it was a hit 70's Cher song (!), but when I woke up this morning, I realised the song isn't one I've actually heard before (I think), and I just may have composed a song in my sleep. This puts me up there with Paul McCartney and others who dreamed up hit singles. Except mine isn't a hit single. And all I remembered when I woke up was 2 lines of it, and the words didn't make sense. And now I've forgotten it entirely....

Bun in the oven
Am now beginning to get moments when I don’t feel sick/full-bellied/tired/full-bladdered, and I momentarily forget I’m pregnant. Then – “that’s right, there’s another baby in my belly!”. It’s a nice thing to remember. I’m beginning to show, but I don’t think you can see it unless you know what you’re looking for, and I’m wearing a tight top.

Must have needed that

Last night I put E-chan to sleep and emerged from his room at 8pm, with REALLY tired eyes. I thought "I'll just lie down for a bit and rest them", slipped into something more comfortable, and lay down on my bed.

Next thing I knew it was after 9pm, my Mr was in the room asking what I'd been doing (poor thing was downstairs waiting for me complete with a glass of wine, as we'd literally seen each other for a few minutes since he got home from work), and I was in one of those weird half-awake states where I could see and hear, but just couldn't manage to get any coherent words our of my mouth (or even assemble an answer in my head).

That was the earliest night I've had in ages, and boy did I need it.

That night I also had weird and wacky dreams. One bit I can remember is in my dream, I was walking around the University where I studied with some of my (real life) uni mates, and we were heading from the pub to buy a falafel somewhere. I was talking to one of my male friends about his divorce (in real life, this has happened in the past year or so), but I just couldn't seem to say anything wise or tactful, and everything came out wrong. I think I know what this dream is about - let's just say it's about gender architypes and roles and letting go of some bits and embracing others....

Playgroup

Going to playgroup is becoming a highlight of our day off. I know half the families there from my mother's group, but am getting to know some others too, which is nice. What's probably coolest is that E-chan is allowing other mums to help him if he needs it, and some of the little boys (mostly boys at our playgroup for some reason) ask me to help them get their gumboots back on, or read a book to them while their mum is busy in the kitchen. It's nice to be needed or even recognised by other people's kids. Your own kids need you and love you, and that's just part of the package (but no less lovely), but when another young child singles you out for help or company, or calls you by your name, it's a nice thing! I suppose I am making new friends, just a lot younger than most of the friends I've made up until now.

Our numbers at playgroup were dwindling earlier in the winter, and we had to do some promotion recently - there are 2 other playgroups in the area on the same day, but we want to keep ours going because we like it best. It's volunteer run (ie by parents and carers), with mostly unstructured play with fruit and sandwiches, and the occasional party or event or excursion. One little boy comes dressed in a spiderman suit most weeks! Anyhow, I set up a website linked to a generic email address, and we put ads in the local papers. Now we are getting more new people come by and try it out.

Trying out a playgroup is hard to do - I remember. You are coming to meet people and hopefully become friends, and so that your little one might also learn a thing or two about making friends, co-operating, sharing, taking turns, and imaginative play. It can take 6 or 7 visits until you find you click with other people, given most of the time you are trying to make sure your child isn't pouring sand in someone's hair or falling off their trike. And while we go every week, I'm not entirely sure E-chan always loves it, but he is beginning to learn some social skills and engage in co-operative play that is appropriate for his age. At the moment he doesn't really get the idea of group activities though, and he hangs back and does what he wants to instead. That reminds me of someone else I know...

I like to be all-inclusive most of the time, and get, well... embarrassed I suppose, when people I know have exclusive conversations that no one else can follow, leaving most of the rest of us not knowing whether to try and enter into the conversation, or just go find something else to do. I would hate it if someone came along and never came back because we didn't talk to them enough. There are a few ladies who are like that (they've become really good friends and talk mostly to each other and I don't think they think about how they come across to new people...). I know, we are all guilty of this from time to time, especially around old friends, but a non-private playgroup is not the time or place. I try to compensate by doing some introducing, showing around and asking casual questions when a new family pops by. Today we had 4 new families, including 2 Dads, come along with their kids! Nice to meet men who have just as much trouble finishing their sentences as I do, due to the antics of their little sub-2-year-old in their care!

Ahh that's better

Towards contentedness
The unsettledness I felt a few weeks ago has dissipated somewhat. A few days off, frolicking in the sunshine has been good for me. I suppose going from one job to another without a break caught up with me. And me plus no holidays for over half a year can mean one grumpy chicken. Anyway, working is busy but going well, life is going well, and I'm making more time for some things I like to do when I can.

Babies
I cuddled a newborn on the weekend, who is just beginning to lose that almost generic newborn look, and start to look like his mother, father, and big sister, and of course his own person. It felt like such a privilege, especially as it’s my 3rd cuddle now. “Remember me?”. His 5-weeks-from-the-womb eyes are beginning to fix on things, including my face, when I pull faces, smile and talk to him. What tiny, tiny little feet, with a fragile, delicate little body! My friend (the mother) is gradually working out how to manage both of them, with their different eating, sleeping, playing and toilet habits, but she, the perfectionist, is disheartened at her lack of progress... I've always wanted 2 children, and I think I could still manage that, but I do understand now why some families stop at one.

Singing
Our little boy loves to sing. Sometimes what he sings is recognisable, but much of the time, it’s a bubbly, babbly little voice, that accompanies our pram journeys or his solitary play with toys. I think it’s just lovely! I wish I had a recorder handy to record the sound. I’m aware that parents can be biased about such things… fast forward a few years to the school play or choir, parents beaming with pride in the audience, discussing amongst themselves “ooh! I think he’s talented – more so than the other kids, don’t you reckon?”, and signing him up for music classes or whatever. So I’ll stop short of saying I think he’s talented, but say instead that he seems to love singing, and being sung to, so I’m going to encourage it whenever I can.

duh!

After having a pot plant for over 2 years now in a plastic pot, I just re-potted into a nice ceramic pot. White glaze with nice blue botanic design on the side. And I am wondering "why the hell didn't I do this sooner?". The difference between looking at a plant in a black plastic pot and one in a ceramic pot is like the difference between looking at a milk crate and a nice arm chair!

Anyhow, needless to say, I am pleased with the result!

new dwellings

Over a month has gone by in our new house and it feels properly like home now. I’m remembering where I put things, where Ethan is likely to put things, working out what we can live with and what perhaps could be fixed, and learning the lie of the neighbourhood. I’m getting much more exercise by walking to work most days (to the point where I might ditch the gym membership when it expires). But I’m also driving more – this is because there is no bus that will take me within a 15 minute walk to Ethan’s child care centre, which means it doesn’t really help to catch a bus in rainy weather. But again the drive is only a few Km.

The effect on Ethan was quite profound, as forewarned by our mother-of-two friend and veteran of 3 interstate moves. He still wants to go towards our old house sometimes on the way home. It took a few weeks for him to be OK with his new room, and he pulled all our strings to get us to come to him at night time, and even developed a new habit of wanting to come into our bed. We can’t get him to sleep in his bedroom during the day, and have to resort to pushing him to sleep in the pram (which we can’t really do in Summer, so we’ll have to work towards something else…). The whole move was a stressful nightmare. So many decisions to be made in rapid time, all the while life carries on, bills come in, we go to work, we plan and cook dinners, and try to find moments where we can enjoy ourselves. And for a while, everything seemed difficult and there was no relief in sight! AM NOT IN A HURRY TO MOVE AGAIN ANY TIME SOON!

Lately I’ve been, well, on the slightly more depressed end of my normal range (I know – I can feel your eyes wandering off into the distance, or focussing on the more interesting brightly coloured thing to the right of your screen…). To put things in perspective, I’m not often prone to getting very depressed and have never sought medical help for it (perhaps my life has been fortunate enough that nothing has ever sent me that low?). But there are patches – like most of us have, I assume – where there doesn’t seem to be much to look forward to, where certain aspects of your life seems irretrievably stuck and off track (e.g. “career”), where you feel unconnected, where you’re not sure what your strengths are anymore, where you are a stress ball and keep reacting to things you don’t usually react to, and you dwell on things, and assume the worst. And let’s not even cover what an impatient, un-fun mother I’ve been during this time (Ethan still loves me, bless him, but lately I haven’t felt like I’ve deserved it).

And I’ve decided I don’t like myself much when I’m stressed (does anyone actually like themselves when they are stressed?), and I haven’t yet learned how to manage that, or even think about how I might be able to change. I sometimes wonder if it is possible to change certain fundamental parts of your personality - I don’t think it’s easy to when you have little time and energy to devote to it.

So now we’re trying to take a breather – well as much as regular life allows. And life is looking up now - back on the up-cycle again. We even had friends over for dinner on Saturday night! Made ripper chocolate puds and caramelised onion (not eaten together, mind). And Ms J babysat for a few hours last night while I had to go somewhere! And my Dad is visiting this weekend. And another friend came back from overseas. And 2 friends have newborns! And another is recently pregnant!! And another is about to have twins! Ooh! AND I may have another niece or nephew early next year too - babies babies!

Movin' keep on movin'

Well we are now safely ensconced in our new “big tall house” as my son calls it, probably because there are stairs in it. E-chan has been OK with it so far – involving him in the move and the clean up of the old place seems to have helped him to understand what is happening. The removalists (apparently that isn’t a word but I keep using it anyway) came 2 hours late on Tuesday (over a week ago now), and they didn’t finish up until 7pm. They weren’t bad, and they talked almost their own language – referring to “peaks” and “rises” when describing to each other where a certain piece of furniture would fit in the truck. I bet their 3D puzzle-solving skills are superior.

As if moving isn’t enough – E-chan went and caught a timely cough and runny nose. Now we could really do with a few beers and a good night sleep, and some time to just wander around our new neck of the woods and lie down and rest in our new house. Oh, and for our new couches to arrive.

Highlights:
- more space!
- Winter sun through the bedroom windows (our old place had NO direct winter sun and full summer evening sun)
- Finding those miscellaneous things that go missing (including things last seen in E-chan’s chubby little hands), under and behind things.
- Getting rid of stuff you don’t need/wear
- E-chan handling the stairs like a champ, and even though we haven’t installed the safety gate yet, he waits for me to accompany him up or down when I ask him to
- A friendlier block of apartments and Units, with more owner occupiers who care about stuff that goes on/doesn’t work, and say “hello”

I’d cry, but I just don’t have the time:
- Leaving our home of 5 ½ years – oh the memories! From our DINKy days to pregnancy, having a newborn and now toddler.
- Having our poor sick child stumble about our old digs as we frantically tried to clean up on Wednesday (why oh why didn’t we get a cleaner in?? I think we just ran out of time to arrange one…)
- Being vomited on for the second time in as many weeks (luckily the carpet cleaner guy was due an hour later)
- Sitting in fold up chairs in lieu of lounges in the living room (all this and Dr Who is back on telly again)
- Not being able to remember which thing went into which box
- Unexpected things that don’t work or need fixing
- And now it is OUR RESPONSIBILITY to get it fixed (actually – move that comment to the Highlights section… no more relying on real estate agents to get maintenance done!)
- 5 day delay on phone connection and still waiting on internet. Felt really cut off!

Much of the stuff we use daily is unpacked, and now we are down to the stuff we don’t use as often, that you have to think harder when deciding where to give it a home. I suspect that some stuff is never going to make it out of boxes. I mean really - why do I keep this sample moisturiser or hand cream even though I know it doesn’t suit my skin? Am I EVER going to wear that slightly discoloured shirt again? Some stuff I probably should have put in the Vinnies bin, but just ran out of time to try them on and I packed it anyway. (And who says Vinnies wants it anyway?!)

And now we have to use our own 3D puzzle solving skills to do the last bit of furniture configuration in the lounge room and in the bedrooms. And buy a step ladder so we can put some things away high up in the “big tall” cupboards in our bedrooms…