30 November 2006

Hangin' with da Mums

I like my Mother's Group - we're a nice mix of quiet and polite vs loud and a little naughty, technical and "wouldn't have a clue how to change a light globe or send email" types. We come from all sorts of backgrounds, and we're not all heterosexual either. Professions vary - lawyer, marketing manager, dietitian, long-haul flight attendant, banker, telco investment manager, civil servant, cafe manager, conference organiser... one mum works at a museum, another at NIDA. This is nice, as I usually seem to meet people in similar lines of work to me or C-chan. And no horrible cliquey-ness. Ok, so there are 2 mums who sometimes have annoyingly exclusive conversations in a group setting, but usually there are too many of us for that to matter.

And the babies - at first I didn't find them all cute, but now I'm sure they all are! Either they're hitting that cute 6-month-old age, or a secondary "my child is the cutest" mindset kicks in and with time you start to find your friends babies cuter than your average person would think.

We meet in a park most Tuesdays, but need to find an indoor venue on rainy or ridiculously hot days. This is hard - there are not many sheltered places around. Our best options are places where you have to buy stuff (lunch, or a coffee at least). Most of us don't have big enough lounge rooms or yards (if any). There are only a couple of cafes that can handle our 10 or so prams all in one go, but there are a few pubs around with either big rooms that are largely empty during the day, or a beer garden. That's right, mums'n'bubs in pubs! Some don't allow children in, but other Pubs don't seem to mind us coming. We are often buying stuff, and come during off peak hours.

On Tuesday, we tried out a pub in our area that has been closed for renovations for a good year or so (hint: it had a Thai Restaurant downstairs - and it will again, but that bit is still being finished off). We had a nice time in air conditioned comfort. Then one man walk past and say "You mothers ought to be ashamed of yourselves!!". For what?! we wondered? Taking our babies into non-smoking areas of a pub while we eat and drink softies!? Then someone made a point of being blocked by our prams (when she could have walked around another way - you know how sometimes you get the feeling that people are saying things to make a point rather than because of need?

The actual Publican seemed to like us being there and actually came up and asked if we were OK. Some people just aren't comfortable with babies around, nor can they fathom people being in a pub to do things other than getting plastered. Others just stare as if it's the most unusual think they ever saw!

Now that our babies are getting more active (one little boy will be crawling any day now), they get restless in their prams, so cafes and pubs won't really be appropriate soon. Will have to check out a couple of playgroups around in our area... Never really fathomed the value of community centres and playgroups before having E-chan. But you have to get out, meet other parents, or you'd get serious cabin fever and have a seriously bored child on your hands.

In Japan (Tokyo/Yokohama more specifically), they have these fantastic and massive indoor playgyms - things to climb, build, hide under. I suppose they have to have places kids can play when it's freezing or monsoonal outside. I wish councils could build some here, especially in denser inner-city areas where roads are busy, and yards are small or non-existant. Maybe I'll get some pictures from My Brother the Expat and send them to my council as an idea?

29 November 2006

That's it! Books aside for occasional reference only!

I have decided to shelve parenting books for a while. Sure, they have their place... especially at first when everything is new and wierd, when trying to get an idea of where your baby fits in the spectrum of things. Also when you are reaching a new developmental phase - such as introducing solid foods. But not to be consulted for every fricken little change to tell you whether it should be happening or not, or to tell you what your baby should be doing at each minute of the day!! I see this happening around me - parents have one or two nights where bub is waking up more frequently than "normal", and they're on the phone to the Tresilian helpline, asking advice.

Not suprisingly, I was reading something the other day which commented on how the rise in the number of self professed "parenting experts" is disempowering for parents, as it makes them feel inadequate. Also, it takes advantage of the fact that traditional parent support (granny, aunts and uncles or even the old lady up the road) are no longer available to help parents raise kids. This resonated strongly with me.

Instead of wondering if I should read a different parenting book to get answers, I think I should trust my instincts and ability to think laterally with E-chan. I was fortunate enough to have very loving, sensible parents, and should trust that I can take a lot from how they raised me when he is a bit older. Also, I think rather than accept solitude and books as my only option with all my family interstate or overseas, I'm better off building support networks within my mother's group. After all, mothers learn best from talking and sharing experiences.
That means tolerating differences in opinion and approach, and getting other mums to tolerate my opinions and approach - our options for sharing the care of E-chan are paid care, people I met less than 6 months ago (and whom C-chan has barely gotten to know) at mother's group, plus a few close and trusted friends. Frightening, really, the rate at which we need to build trusting relationships, but sometimes you just have to put yourself out there. Although both C-chan and I came from a loving and sensible families, they were also quite sheltered, which can cause us to look inwards and towards like-minded people rather than outwards when in times of need. But we both want E-chan to experience people with a wide range of philosophies, approaches, interests etc in his life, and we simply cannot provide him with all of that ourselves. Our immediate family couldn't provide that even if they were in the same city...

28 November 2006

From the mouth of babes

Somewhere amongst the baby babbles and goo's in the past few weeks, we think E-chan may have uttered his first word... there has been a lot of "da da da dad da da da"ing in the past week or so, and the other night after I'd changed E-chan and took him out to say good night, he looked straight at his dad and said "da da!". That was the first time we noticed the use of this monosyllabic word in context! There haven't been many repeat performances of "da da" being used to call for his dad, unfortunately, which either means a) he's calling out for his dad all the time and finds me boring, or b) it really just was a coincidence.

It seems common that baby's first word in many languages is often Dada - probably because of the ease with which the consonent "D" is uttered. But this also means that somewhere along the line, when the Indo European language was forming, some people decided that the first word babies utter should mean "father". At a BBQ the other day, a number of Mums were grumbling about how typical this was, and how it must have been men that instigated this word's meaning. However, I'm thinking it's possible that back then, in the days when godesses of fertility were worshipped, women probably had a lot of sexual power - only they knew who they had lain with and could say for sure who the father was. Therefore if a man was a decent type they wanted to stick around and help raise kiddy, they probably were flattering the man into thinking the baby's first word was referring to them. Which would have been quite smart, when you think about it. Just a postulation - no way of knowing for sure.

It seems that the next word is likely to be "mama maam ma" when E-chan is veryupset - yet to see that one though. Other possible words coming from E-chan's mouth include "Al Gore" this morning and "truffle" the other day, which I like to think indicate heightened environmental awareness (I did take him to see "An Inconvenient Truth" a few months back after all...), and a highly discerning palate (oh crap!) respectively.

23 November 2006

Gratuitous baby shot...


Here's one of my favourite recent photos of E-chan and me. He's a whopping 8.1kg (or was last week), which is bigger than the average 5 month old. In the photo we were visiting a friend who had a 3 week old at the time! So tiny in comparison! I had forgotten how weak and delicate newborns are. They squeak rather than cry! And they are so easy to lift, which is good from my friend, who had to have a caesarian and therefore has very weak stomach muscles.






And another one... sorry can't help myself. One of the first smiles we have captured on camera!

Thanks...

...to those who answered a few of my questions on vaccinations a week or so back! I put some comments and questions under the post just today. Some lively responses, which is rare on my blog. You can see why there are some "don't go there" topics amongst mums...

I know that Science doesn't have all the answers, but also worry that those with little scientific knowledge (some of the mums I know) can be easily whipped up into a frenzy by the latest book or trend, which may or may not have all the answers and has no stats to back up their claims. People are so willing to disregard 50 or 100 years of science that has been applied and most of the population of western countries has survived just fine (ie with true reductions of harmful disease and side-effects), which is a tad dangerous.

Gulf war syndrome from bulk vaccinations... that's an interesting and scary thing. But for things that have been done for decades and that we have survived just fine, I will go along with.

16 November 2006

Freaky Neighbours, part 4

It's been a while since I've had cause to whine about my neighbours. Well, now I have grave fears that our next door neighbours may be amphetamine addicted shift workers. Or worse - students whose rich parents pay their rent for them (because otherwise students couldn't afford to live here) and have just started end-of-exam party season. Gods help us!

Woke up to noise of chatter, with the occasional shriek - you know, the kind of shriek that emits out of a drunk female - and yell (from accompanying drunk/hyped up males). Then the music started. Sounded like some kind of recent dancey kind of music*. Got up to feed E-chan at 1:30am who woke a little later than usual (thank goodness he sleeps through this kind of noise!), and went back to bed.

Unfortunately, next door were still at it. The music turned from dancey to something even harder to tolerate. It wasn't bad '80's nostalgia compilations (Buzz and Words: Kind of like water toture) - it was a band I couldn't place, but sounded like a mix between Pearl Jam and Metallica. 80's music might have been OK, as at least tunes would have been familiar. Instead, we had hard rock anthems with deep booming bass - just the kind of music that vibrates through walls and floors well.

An hour later and still not able to sleep, I thought "this is getting ridiculous". Unlike BSharp, cannot put in earplugs for fear of not hearing E-chan if he wakes up and cries out. Put on some jeans and went in search of noise source. Thought it might be downstairs and along a bit, but found to my horror it was next door. Other side of bedroom wall, in fact. Knocked on door but it was too loud for them to hear (or they didn't care). Went back and wrote them a note that I slipped under their door after knocking when music was in a relatively quiet bit, and escaped before they might open door (best to remain anonymous in these situations, I think).

Music finally was turned off about 15 mins later - whether my note had any effect, I'll never know. Heard other people banging on wall/their door, so message might finally have got through. We retaliated by buzzing them on their intercom at 7:30am when C-chan left for work! Good Morning, A***holes!


* Can't be more specific, as this is one of the music genres that with few exceptions, I just don't follow, along with Opera, 70's prog rock and thrash metal.

15 November 2006

Polio germs no returns sterilised!

The topic of immunisation came up yesterday when having my regular hang out with Mum's in the park. It's one of those controvertial areas where opinions can be varied and heated, therefore you don't often "go there". I thought I'd be a true coward and blog about it instead!

One mother has decided not to immunise her baby - she's one of those skeptics who believes that immunisation has more harmful side effects than beneficial ones. [She also believes that wheat is the evil grain that is the cause of everyone's allergies and that canned fruit has all sorts of additives that aren't mentioned on the can, so I take this opinion with a grain of salt. I fully expected her to pipe up about fluoride being added to the water to subdue the masses rather than help tooth decay, but apparently tap water is OK.]

I on the other hand, have not seen any convincing arguments that immunisation is unsafe, and believe in the importance of keeping disease prevalence down in the community. I kind of feel that non-immunisers are in a sense freeloading off the majority of the community who are immunising and reducing the risks of infection of mumps, measles, polio etc for all, and kind of have to bite my tongue rather than say this out loud. I'm admittedly swayed by my own family's experience - my father had measles at 9 months of age, and his mother noticed his eye started going funny soon after. He is pretty much blind in that eye, and as this was quite common when infants got measles, it's likely that the blindness was caused by the measles.

I did a bit of a web search on risks of immunisation, and found the usual government websites, designed to reassure the public that immunisation is worth it, and on the other extreme, alarmist websites - usually anonymous, citing one (scientific?) reference only, claiming all sorts of ill effects of immunisation and using graphs that apparently "prove" their points, but quite frankly, don't make sense to me. One even linked immunisation to the rise in diabetes as well as autoimmune diseases in children, without even mentioning lifestyle or diet as factors in the case of the former or improvements in diagnosis as factors in the latter.

I realise also that immune systems are complex things, as are auto-immune diseases, and doing cause-effect studies on humans is near impossible when you take into account lifestyle and genetics and time. Was wondering if anyone reading this has ever spent a bit of time looking into this issue and has some credible sources on the matter? Just for the record, I have started E-chan on his immunisation program, so am unlikely to change anyway.

It's funny - some people are so convinced and even aggressive about their opinions on these sorts of issues, and little old me feels slightly swayed by their conviction for a bit. Then I realise, hang on, I'm the one with the biology degree, and who's spent a considerable amount of my time getting tested for allergies and going on elimination diets for food intolerances and have discussed the issue in depth with allergists and dietitians and read up quite a lot on autoimmune diseases, and who's mother is a nurse and has also looked into these issues quite a lot over the past 30 years... That knowledge has got to count for something? I'm not just a sheep getting herded into government health programs that aren't in our better interests?

14 November 2006

Great Conversation Stoppers of Our Time...

1)
One Mother to a small group: "So has anyone like had an accident with their baby yet?"
Rest of group: "?!!" (either silently horrified, or has no intention of talking about that time when they accidentally let their baby fall onto their nose when practising sitting up)

2) Baby has scratch on head due to scratching self...
One Mother to baby's Mother: "So what's that scratch? Child abuse?!" (joking)
Both Mothers, inwardly: "Oooh that didn't work. Mental note: don't make jokes about child abuse to other parents".

3)
"I've noticed my baby's poos tend to be ....." (nb: this can be a conversation starter in some circles).

4)
Talking about blowing raspberries to amuse babies...
One Mother: "I wonder when they stop finding farts amusing"
Meririsa: "I don't think farts ever stop being amusing!!"
OM: (Looks around at Meririsa in new light).

5) Mother of 3-week-old: "I just have to have him in some kind of feeding routine or I'll have no life!!!"
Meririsa: "Yeahhhh...." (remembering all the times E-chan's feeding routine has changed, but didn't say anything as didn't want to add to M-o-3's feelings of inner chaos)

07 November 2006

National Enforced Gambling Day & Kris Kringle

.... two things I thought I would happily miss being on maternity leave. Or would have thought that, had my brain given these things one split second of attention in the past year. But I could quite happily go on each year, completely oblivious to the idea of Melbourne Cup sweeps and lunches, and Kris Kringles.

I consider both these things a complete waste of money. Firstly, I don't gamble, and I'm not into horses. Never wanted a pony. Ever. Not into the getting all tizzed up and wearing a hat thing, or even the giggly thrills of champagne at the office (well unless we are all given the afternoon off and can have a proper drink, but that never happens - it's always "back to work!!" the minute the winnings are divvied out to the "winners"). Annoys me to no end that you can't get out of entering a Melbourne Cup sweep with a simple "no thanks". That inevitably leads to a "Goo ooooooooon!! It's only $1". Too expensive in my eyes.

I usually end up being out of the office (what a shame) at the moment the so called big race is on, but I think I have felt forced into participating in about 3 Melbourne Cup lunches. I think once I tried to argue that I don't agree with gambling so won't enter, but felt like a complete fool for standing up for my principles. Funny that. You don't get this kind of pressure to attend protest rallies for Global Warming, stand up for your wrongly sacked co-worker or any other cause that is morally right.

Ditto Kris Kringles. This is a waste of time. I think last year I thought I was pleased with my gift - but looking back, I haven't really worn the earrings I was given (a bit of a safety hazzard with a baby now). You rarely get the gift for the other person right, even if you know who you are buying for. It's hard enough buying for those you know and love... most of us have enough stuff and don't need more. Certainly not the $10 or less kind of "stuff". Last year C-chan suggested that his work have an optional donation to a cause instead of a Kris Kringle, and instead they ended up keeping the kris Kringle, and adding the charity donation on top of it. So now he has to spend EVEN MORE!

So why am I whining? Today I have been invited to a Melbourne Cup lunch. Luckily, I have an appointment with my boss at 3:30, so sadly, E-chan and I will have to slip away early. What a shame. And one of the Mums from my Every Now and Then Mothers Group* has suggested a Kris Kringle for the kiddies at our Christmas get together. I'm half tempted to say "you know most of us are on single incomes now, surely it can wait until the kids actually understand what christmas is?". It might not be that bad so long as we get something practical like baby bodysuits for next winter. I suppose in this instance at least we all know what babies need so are unlikely to buy crap... I hope?

Why is it you can't disagree with these things without sounding like a complete party pooper? Why is it wrong to celebrate something worthy of celebration, not just something that happens every year?

*I have a regular weekly catch up with one cool group of Mums, and an every now and then catch up with a group of Mums I met at our antenatal classes.

06 November 2006

The memory of smells...

Smells are such nice things to remember. The strange thing is that they can be almost impossible to describe to anyone, yet the minute you whiff a certain smell, a whole lot of associated memories come flooding back.

One particular smell has stayed in my memory for a loooooooong time, but I can't for the life of me work out what it is. I have a rather vivid memory of being in my first few weeks of school, and that there would be some sort of cooking activity every Friday when we had a certain teacher. (We can't have been doing much actual cooking, as we were only 5 years old - I can't really remember how this whole cooked meal thing worked...).

Anyway, I can remember how this teacher smelled on that day. Unfortunately noone I have subsequently met has smelled like this, therefore I can't just ask someone what that smell is. Every now and then, I catch a whiff of the same smell on a person who passes me by on the street. This whole memory comes flooding back, and this rather insignificant memory has stayed with me just because of this puzzling smell. The smell would either have to be some sort of essential oil, or the effect of some sort of food sweated out on certain people.

There are smells I would love to bottle: the smell of freshly ground coffee, freshly changed sheets, babies heads, garlic frying, cumin and turmeric in a curry, the waft of jasmine as it just starts to flower (but after a while, this smell gets to be too sickly sweet, or mixed with the smell of decaying flowers), the smell of freshly dug earth, and the smell of grass when it has just rained.