Bluriness and first days at something new...

The last week has streamed past in a blur. Last Friday night, E-chan and I were left on our own as C-chan had a wanky law retreat (roughly his words there). E-chan picked that night to get a cold. I managed it OK and calmly, as you have to when you are on your own. The cold has dragged on now, and developed into a chesty cough and icky eye. He and his dad had a blokes day at home together on Monday and Tuesday afternoon, but not really much fun as they were both feeling below average. I think I got the cold fleetingly, but seemed to have only had it mildly and kicked it by Monday.

And Monday was the big first day at work!! At first I was worrying - they think that 3 days in the office may not be enough, and I worried about what they had to do to accomodate me doing this. But as the day went on, I realised they hired me with their eyes open, wanted me for 75% of my job experience, and are prepared to review the situation after a few months. And by review, I get the feeling we might either employ another person part time to do some things on my "days off", or get someone else in the unit to formally cover the part of my job that needs someone there in the office all the time. Part of my job is being an EA to my boss, the other part is being a Program Manager - the latter being more along the lines of my past work.

So I think it is a pretty good job. Much of what I'll need to do I can do easily, I just need to familiarise myself with a new research area and new people. This is the first time I have taken a job that hasn't stretched me far at first, and I think that was the right decision (not that I had heaps of choice!). It's a bit strange to be someone's EA. Interesting to see how someone at that level has to delegate lowly stuff to be effective, but also the hours and travel they have to put in. Possibly something for me to absorb and use 15 or so years down the track, if I ever feel like/am capable of a high flying job. It's also bizarre to find myself in the medical world. It's interesting to be in the area of health policy development, with people beavering away at strategies to reduce chronic disease incidence.

I know it's all very important, but I'd be suprised if I end up staying in health research. I've always felt that health research gets all the glamour in the research funding world (research, as opposed to the actual funding of hospitals), and money thrown at it by governments and anyone else who has had someone close die of cancer for example, while other worthy and important causes struggle to get the funding and recognition they deserve. But I do find the policy development side interesting.

My new boss is a pro. She knows how to work effectively at a very high level, and delegates and manages better than anyone else I've encountered so far in my sector. She's had kids (albeit 30 or so years ago), and seems sympathetic to the needs of someone working part time with a family. I think I saw her having a cranky day yesterday, and that wasn't so bad. I actually heard her say "go home, your family is more important" to one of the other people in my unit who works part time. A few people I work with also work part time, which is a relief (I'm not the only one!), and I find myself in a female only unit! That's a first for me!

Went to a staff meeting yesterday, and the head of the Institute (not my boss) is very fond of exploring analogies whilst talking ("...throwing a frying pan into the fire, but not adding vegetable oil to fuel it, then taking it out before it gets too hot and cooking something else..."). Some of them (e.g. frying pan) went on for a few minutes! But importantly, the meeting only lasted an hour or so, had excellent cake, was mostly concerned with research and communication of it, and didn't digress into a complaining session, which is a good indication of job satisfaction in the Institute.

So thumbs up so far.

And we're mobile!

Yesterday, E-chan zigzagged his way through the loungeroom (via a detailed study of the internet cord, a box of recycling, and his pram wheels), to visit me in the kitchen! With a combination of rolling and commando-style crawling, he is more or less mobile. This is the point where we find out what needs to be child-proofed. We're doing it gradually, as he isn't moving so fast that I can't really keep track of him. I know he won't go to the laundry/bathroom unless I put him there, for example. But I do have to make sure the stereo is turned off and that there are no CD's in the player, so that when he swivels the volume knob up to 10, I don't have to worry about anyone getting deafened. And any nice books are gone from under the coffee table. And all our kitchen drawer knobs are linked together with rubber bands so that he can't get at the gladwrap rolls and other spikey things.

E-chan also went to Child Care twice last week with me there (just for brief visits), and three times this week, without me there. He went for half a day the first time, a bit longer the next day, and a whole day today. He seems to be stimulated by it all, and hasn't cried - yet. The first day there, he wouldn't go to sleep and didn't eat much. The second day, he still didn't sleep, but ate well. Today, he ate well and actually slept once, which is as good as many days he's at home. When I picked him up, he was giggling with one of the carers, and smiling a lot. In fact, I think one of the carers in particular was a bit taken with him.

I'm happy that he seemed happy, stimulated, and has been well taken care of. We are lucky that the centre is a 10 minute walk from our house, and the centre is 10 more minutes from a train station. I'm not sure how long it will take me to walk from work to pick him up, but it won't be more than 15 minutes, so my work/home/childcare is all within a 30 minute walking triangle. I'm very pleased that our household is such a low carbon emitter!!

The carer to child ratio in the nursery (0-2 years old) isn't bad, especially when you consider most of the kids are closer to 18 months old and therefore a bit more independent in their play and eating. But some days in the centre are busier than others. I'm bracing for the likelihood that the implications of where he is going haven't fully sunken in yet, and that some time in the next few weeks he'll start crying when his Dad drops him off, or when I pick him up. And of course he seems to have a runny nose already.

So: so far, so good.

Next step: starting work on Monday. I hear my mother's words echo in my ears: "you're gonna have to be organised... you're gonna have to be organised". (Yeah, Mum, whatever you say... We'll be organised... sort of... well a combination of that and bumbling along...).

And in other news, I've left it until the weekend before re-starting work to get some fabric and embark on my first sewing project in about 10 years.

Birthday bonanza

No, it's nowhere near my birthday, nor C-chan's. But E-chan is 10.5 months old, and some of his "mates" are turning One. So the inevitable "let's have a group birthday party" suggestions get floated, and we, inevitably not wanting to be party poopers, but thinking the idea is a tad on the ridiculous side, bumble along semi-enthusiastically. Please don't think of the three of us, sitting there in the corner with glum faces, making sarcastic comments all afternoon, while the rest went overboard with helium balloons, "happy birthday" banners, and Elmo cream cakes. (I think I avoided sarcasm, and only managed to utter one "they're only one years old! they won't remember this!" comment, at which point some of the other parents nodded heartily in agreement but decided it was wiser to remain silent).

It's always fun to catch up with other parents, and see how the babies are all so similar, yet so individual. 3 of the other babies are walking, and little E-chan sits there watching quietly, occasionally getting pushed, shoved, or climbed over, but bearing it like a trooper. He's such a gentle baby, and he's often content watching and interacting with adults because other babies rarely return his smiles. He'll probably just bypass crawling and go straight to walking, as I hear some babies do.

The group we caught up with yesterday are from our Antenatal class, who are an interesting bunch to stay in touch with. When we met them, we felt we had little in common. We had a reunion after the babies were born, and I kept an open mind about the whole thing. From a purely pragmatic point of view, there are 2 ladies and 1 man who work in Preschool/childcare industry, and another lady who is a Primary teacher. As I have no close friends or family in this area, inside knowledge is useful. Strangely, but as I half expected might happen, gross-out Dad (who always asked questions about epesiotomies in our antenatal class) and his partner are the ones we possibly have most in common with, and he's being a stay-at-home Dad, which is rare and very cool.

The whole birthday and christmas thing is so wierd for the under 2's. People are so impatient to make a fuss about it. But in reality, the kids play more with the wrapping paper than the presents. We felt it unnecessary to give E-chan chocolate at his first Easter, nor did we give him cake yesterday. We're waiting until he understands what it's all about. However, E-chan's actual birthday falls on a long weekend, and all the rellies are coming over from 'delaide. And we're not about to knock back visits from doting family because we want to keep his birthday low-key and not go overboard with buying stuff...

By the way, if the weather's fine, we might have a picnic on the Queens B'day long weekend (his birthday). Too late to catch Bsharp I understand :( but others are welcome if you want to come along and give him a birthday cuddle.

Cabin fever

Today, the rain is pouring down. My windows also look like the cabin window of a boat out at sea, just like BSharp observed out her windows the other day, except, the sea is a long, long way from my window. You can just see the sea (oh deary me, that's as far as can be)*. You can actually see the massive crains out at Botany Bay, but they look more like giraffes than cranes from this distance. Actually, you can't see them today, as it's too rainiy and misty. Maybe the giraffes will come out of the mist later, and the clouds will hopefully lift and we can go for a walk and get some fresh air.

E-chan is snuggled up in his sleeping bag in his cot. Babies have it good, if you ask me. He still doesn't crawl, but he can roll pretty much everywhere.He's just worked how to do a bit of his own sign language - he thumps his tummy or points to the kitchen when he's hungry. He points at the bedroom when he wants to go to bed!! He points at whomever he wants a cuddle from!! He waves hello and goodbye. He points at his water bottle when he wants a drink. He points at the bookshelves when he wants to be read to. He points at things and goes "Da!?" which I think means "What's that?", and I name it for him. Once he knows something, you can ask him where it is, and he'll point to it. What's my point? I'm really just boasting, but I suppose understanding what he wants is only going to get easier from now on.

So why aren't I in bed too, snuggled up reading? I'd love to be, but have less than 2 weeks left until I start work! And E-chan starts child care next week! (Of course there are huge conflicting emotions going on in the background here, but I don't want to talk about that). Anyhow, I have stuff to get done, none of it interesting, which is why I'm blogging instead.

Before I go, a big "hello" to Mermaidgrrrl and Little Mister, who are expecting their own bundle of joy any day now!! Enjoy the ride!! And welcome to the world, little Phoebe, who was born to my friends A & D nearly 2 weeks ago.


*yes, I've been reading Dr Seuss again

Faith in workplace's ability to accommodate working mothers restored...

A lot has happened over the past few weeks. OK, so I still haven't received a letter telling me that my former position will be cancelled. But old job and the regular long commute out west is not really an option for me any more, and my hope that I could work part time in the main office seems to be out of the question.

So off I went on a quest to find "quality part time work". This is a phrase that someone I talked to at EOWA introduced to me. It's part-time work that isn't secretarial or clerical, and with a higher salary rate (even though the annual salary is down due to you not working the full complement of hours). It means creating jobs that go for less than 5 days a week that aren't casual or shift work, and are actuall worthwhile taking up (ie would cover expensive inner-city child care costs, and bring in enough money to cover living costs where one household income is not enough). Finding suitable quality part-time jobs to apply for is hard - opportunities don't come up often.

But alas! One came along that I thought I could apply for, is with the same employer I'm currently with (ie is close to my home and where I am down on childcare waiting lists), and pays enough money to be worthwhile. They advertised 4-5 days a week, but when I rang to see if they would consider me even if I could only work 3 days, they said it was more about getting the right person. So I applied.

And got an interview.

And got offered the job. I'm doing 3 days a week, plus another 1/2 day from home. We'll see how things go after 3 months and review whether we need to get someone else in part time, or whether I'm likely to want to go up to 4 days (I'm not sure how I feel about that, and won't be pressured about it).

So yay. Can relax about paying the bills, and wondering where I'll work for the next year.

Help! Our son has a banana problem...

It started with a fondness for banana. This gradually became a strong preference to banana over any other fruit. We tried to distract him, give him a taste for a wide variety of fruits, and mix his diet up a bit. Porridge without banana would result in long, tiresome breakfasts, whereby each spoonful would have to be coaxed down the hatch, with many silly faces and other entertainment put on by whomever was feeding him. So for a while, we decided we'd be permissive about banana habit. Maybe it would lose its novelty if we didn't make a big deal about it?
Then this morning, we tried to feed him porridge with apple and peach. It was awful! Tears, tantrums and screaming!! Clear withdrawal symptoms. He wouldn't eat another spoonful until a small wedge of banana had been mashed up and mixed in. We realised at this point that our son has a banana problem. We are destraught! What would we do if there was another banana shortage, sending banana prices skyrocketing? Would we have to turn to a life of crime? Does anyone know of a good banana detox clinic?

Crumbley deliciousness

Fruit with Crumble Topping

This comes courtesy of Stephanie Alexander's Cooks Companion. It's great, because it's healthy, does 6 serves (ie all week for 2 people!), and has a bit of zing.

Stew some fruit. Roughly 4 large apples, or 3 apples and a couple of peaches or apricots does this recipe. (We stew a bit extra and put some aside for us and E-chan to eat with yoghurt or breakfast).

100g (just over 1/2 cup) brown sugar
1 tspn baking powder
1 1/2 teaspoons ground ginger
60g unsalted butter
150g (just over 1 cup) plain flour
2 cups drained poached fruit

Mix sugar, baking powder and ground ginger. Crumble butter into flour with fingers until pea sized pieces form, then mix wtih sugar mixture. Spoon fruit into 1L ovenproof dish and pour topping over it. Bake at 180deg until topping is golden brown and bubbling at the edge.

Not another conjoined twins special....?

Is it just me, or is there a TV special every couple of months about separating conjoined twins? I know, I know - terrible situation to find yourself in, no doubt. But is the TV air time really justified? OK so TV isn't exactly the window to our lives. And there are some things (such as Alan Jones ranting about issues) that I don't want to see, but understand that there is a big chunk of the population out there (not my friends!) who do think they are interested in what he has to say. Seeing someone give birth on TV used to freak/gross me out, but now it makes me teary and brings back all sorts of happy memories.

But there are some things I sympathise with and agree are serious issues, but JUST DO NOT WANT TO SEE EVER AGAIN. Specials on conjoined twins is one of them.

A snapshot of mum's returning to work...

Thought I'd give a snap-shot of the return-to-work situations of my Mum friends and their partners following having a baby. Most women are permanent employees. Paid maternity leave was mostly 6 weeks, with some at zero, some as high as 12-14 weeks, and mine taking the cake at 36 weeks paid. Ah, you win some, you lose some! Here goes :

1) Lawyer: returning to work 3 days/week as negotiated prior to having baby. Is early on in a 5-year contract with her employer. Her partner (lawyer in public service) has negotiated working 4 days/week once Mum goes back to work.

2) Marketer: her partner got a promotion whilst she was on maternity leave, and decided once having her baby, that she'd rather work part time at the end of her Maternity Leave. Employer at first said "yes" to 3 days/week, then changed their mind 3 months later, saying "Full time or nothing". She found part time work at her husband's work place, working in the area of "glorified data entry", which is neither in her previous area of work and is far below her previous salary rate. Previous employer requested to meet with her again, recently - they seem to be changing their mind a lot.

3) Dietitian, public hospital: returning to work 3 days/week. Found someone to job share with, so the only issue was agreeing on who would work which days and organising child care.

4) Worked for international firm: Company has pulled out of Australia. Budgeted and decided that they can survive on one income for about 18 months, and then they have plans to travel. French Canadian, and may do some translation work from home.

5) Cafe Manager (CBD): has decided that her former job doesn't really fit with motherhood. Is retraining, doing accounting certificate at TAFE, and may use this to help out with partners' small business. Works a few evenings a week at a different cafe.

6) Long-haul air hostess: Has loads of leave up her sleeve due to long service with company. Plans to go back to work 3 long weekends out of 8, with possible nanny on weekdays if needed, shared with others from her work who will try to coordinate shifts. Awaiting announcement on industrial agreement/large scale retrenchments to see what happens, and may put her hand up in that case. Partner runs a small business.

7) Professional, multinational telco: Negotiated and granted return to work at 3 days/week after her year maternity leave. Partner (corporate law firm) has negotiated working from home half a day/week.

8) Teacher/administrator, tertiary institution: has negotiated 3 days/week since going on maternity leave. Partner (civil servant) has negotiated working 3 days/week also, starting in a couple of months.

9) Civil servant: still negotiating returning to work 3 days/week, and one of those days is a Sunday.

10) Admin, not for profit org: returned 3 days/week after 6 months leave (as planned to get pregnant again then and wanted to work for a bit).

and finally me,
11) Senior non-academic staff on a fixed term contract, tertiary institution: see previous posts (April, 2006) regarding what happened when I went on maternity leave. I seem to be pushing the frontiers of my Employers maternity leave policy... Having worked on continuously renewed contracts for at least 2 years prior to going on maternity leave, they granted me the same whiz bang paid maternity leave provisions (36 weeks) as a permanent employee who has worked there > 2 years. Was also approved to return to work 3 days a week.
What differs for me compared to permanent employees is my return to work. They have until 11 April to formally notify me of the fate of my position, and haven't done so formally yet, but I'm not holding my breath. Therefore, find myself in the job market for part time work. Partner not in a position to go part time for a couple of years, having just started a new job in a new field.

Lucky, he's wearing his brown trousers...

Gastro and babies is not a good mix. His poor, little, read, freqently wiped bum! My poor, frequently washed, sore, cracked hands! Poor carpet. By the way, has anyone actually got any experience with using Bicarb of Soda as a carpet cleaner? All the instructions I can get my hands on are a bit vague. I've used it twice (wanting to avoid chemicals), but ended up with a bit of crusting on the carpet. It will break down with time and walking on it, but maybe I'm doing something wrong?

Besides that, we've been busy beavering away. C-chan is getting used to his new job gradually, we're getting used to being home without him, I'm applying for jobs, and E-chan is still thinking about crawling, but not crawling. He's starting to feed himself bits of bread, but every now and then, he hands it over to me as if to say "here, you do it, you're better at it than me!!". He knows his own limitations, it seems!

We moved around furniture on the weekend - not very smartly we chose one of the hottest days in March. It started with us being uneasy with our tall bookshelves in the dining area - we had visions of E-chan crawling and climbing on it, and it falling over on top of him. Although it is heavy and would take some strength to make it move, we still thought he'd have a great time pulling out books from the shelves and probably chewing on them. So we moved them into our bedroom, moved a cupboard out of E-chan's room, and moved the toy/blanket box out of the the living room and into his room, and some crates from out room into the living room. Furniture round robin. The result is better all round. Now we just need to decorate the plastic crates. Somehow, everything looks roomier.

Now we just have to sort through the mountains of clothes E-chan has grown out of, and work out who to send them to, which ones to keep for possible Junior #2 (no immediate plans for this), and where to store them... Babies go through 4 sizes in their first year of life.

Oh, and I have applied for 2 jobs now. Just have to wait to hear if I get an interview... "Think positive vibes!" I can hear my mother reminding me...

Livin la li vida housewife* (part 2)

Enough of the keeping house angst - time to show you what being a stay at home mum is really like:

Day break: woken by the dulcet tones of E-chan experimenting with his vocal chords - "ba ba ba, da da da, agooo!", more recently "ma ma ma maa ma am muuum!" :D , and any noise that can be made whilst inserting fingers in mouth. Greets us in cot with gorgeous smile, then comes into our bed for a little bit of play and cuddling while we wake up properly.







Breakfast: All 3 of us make and eat our breakfast over about half an hour. Afterwards, it's morning play time for a little while then E-chan has his bottle. Sometimes we go for a walk with Dad to the train station, stopping off to have a swing in the park on the way back.

9am Morning Nap: sometimes this is a morning nap in the pram whilst I go for a walk or make my way somewhere by foot, but most mornings it's nap time in the cot, roughly 3 hours after waking up. Sleep for between 1 and 2 hours. I do the dishes or any urgent housework, prepare a sandwich for lunch, have a shower, or sit down and read/watch something I taped off the telly (ie something that can be interrupted if he wakes up). Most Fridays I go for a swim with some other mums, taking it in turns to mind the babies while we do laps.

10:30-11:30 ish: get dressed and prepare to go out. Every 2 or 3 days we make sure we're at home much of the day, but might nip out for a bit. Activities include attending local playgroup, meeting other mums and in the park for lunch, shopping, visiting, or a special outing. Last week we went to Clovelly Beach. That's right. Beach on a week day. The kids splashed around in the shallows before lunch, then we took it in turns with the snorkel while the rest minded the kids. Next week I am visiting another former-colleague-who's-had-a-baby in Bronte. This is the life.

12:00 - 1:30 ish: lunch time. At home or in a park somewhere, or at someone's house. This has gotten trickier since E-chan learned to shake his head from side to side when he doesn't want to eat something. He can be quite emphatic about it! I usually feed E-chan 2-3 different things... that way he can decide he doesn't like one of them all that much but will at least eat the rest. LOVES grapes, banana, melon, and chicken and corn soup. The rest is OK but may require much pleading, silly faces (from me or him) or coersion. He tends to like trying bits of my lunch, whatever that is. Has a bottle about an hour later.

1:15 - 2 ish: play time to help the food go down, or we go for a quick walk with the seat up (so he won't go to sleep) to buy some groceries or "run errands" as the Americans say.

2:15 - 4 ish: afternoon nap time. I start to think about dinner, what to do this afternoon, relax, ring someone up, catch up with emails, or do a load of washing. Every so often he won't sleep, so after an hour or so of trying to get him to sleep, I put him in the pram (but lying flat) and he zonks almost instantly.

4 - 5 ish: afternoon play/walk/quick duck out to "run errands" or E-chan playing while I do some cooking (this is possible because he's not fully mobile yet).

5:00- 6:30: Dinner time for E-chan. See lunch time, issues are the same,

but I'm not eating my dinner yet so can't feed him my dinner. At this stage he's having a bath every second day, but will bathe him regardless if he has smeared dinner in his hair. Has his bottle sometime between 6 and 6:30, and sometimes his Dad is home in time to do that.

6:30 - 7:30pm wind-down play: This is where we may get to cook or even eat our dinner, while E-chan has some quiet play with one of us. When he show signs of tiredness (usually becomes unco, or flops onto his back to lie down), we scoop him up, brush his 4 little teeth, change his nappy, read him a book (current favourite is Dr Seuss's "Mr Brown Can Moo, Can You?"). Then we say goodnight to his teddy's and soft toys, put him in his little sleeping bag, and kiss him good night! Usually he goes to sleep within 30 minutes, and we don't hear from him again until morning....

Some days are more difficult than others, especially when you really need to get something done, as that is usually the day he WON'T GO TO SLEEP without a walk in the pram, and those days tend to end up with me just a little bit frazzled. But C-chan comes home and helps out, then there is usually time to unwind fully once he's gone to bed, and we're really lucky that those sleep issues we had a few months ago have pretty much gone. I reckon being a full-time parent is a pretty priveleged way to be living, and I'm trying to make the most of it while I can!

* yeah, I know "housewife" isn't the right term for it. Don't like the term either, but can't be bothered thinking about what I'd like it to be called, and don't think it really needs a name.

Livin la vida housewife*

So here I am living the housewife life. But not very successfully if you go by my experience last Wednesday. Had visit from North Shore friend/ex-colleague and her bub - we met and had lunch, and I spontaneously invited her back to my house afterwards for a bit until she had to catch her train. However, had forgotten that we hadn't vacuumed or tidied for a while (not for want of trying). Nor had we cleaned toilet. Realised with horror how bad the place looked when we arrived there, with a trail of toys and piles of junk everywhere.

Not something I usually care about remotely when other close/mum friends come over, but this friend is the sort of person I feel I need to show that I have everything "under control". It's just like that with some people. You know the type - never leaves the house without looking smart and wearing make-up, and their house is always spotless. Felt like those archetypal television commercial Mums who have panic attacks about their house not being clean. (And I can honestly say this is the first time I have ever felt ashamed about our mess). It was clean and tidier a few days later, just not when she visited! Oh well.

Also, am pretty sure that every time I see this friend, we part ways and have an acute case of lifestyle anti-envy. I leave her North Shore house with 1/4 acre block and think "Well it would be nice to have a garden and house, but thank god my nearest shop isn't 2.5 km away with train station even further away and I'm not reliant on my car to go everywhere, and I have hundreds of mums to run into when out and about, and lots of parks, shops and cafes to visit, and it only takes 30 minutes to commute to the city!". I have almost no doubt that she leaves my place thinking "Well it would be nice to live so close to everything, but thank god I don't live in that cramped little 2 b.r. unit with no garden or dishwasher in a suburb where real estate is really expensive whether you rent or buy!".


* apparently "housewife" is Spanish for housewife!

Dear Employers,

Please create more part time positions for parents and/or other people who want to work part time for lifestyle reasons. And please don't make them all "Part Time Executive Assistant/ Secretarial/Receptionist" style jobs and salary levels - create them at all levels of work! Not everyone who wants part time work is a secretary. And not everyone who works part time should be on a crap salary level!

In addition, or perhaps as an alternative, could you please warmly consider applications for shared jobs where it is possible, and state that you do this clearly on the Job Ad or workplace website?

Thanks for your consideration. Your compliance in these matters will be setting a new standard of equal opportunity and occupational health!

Kind regards,
Meririsa

There are two types of people...

Upon finding out that you have family in Tasmania, there are those who ask:

"Oh, whereabouts in Tasmania do they live?"

and those (who think they are terribly witty) who say:

"oh, I thought there was something different about you!" in faux patronising voice, or the even more hilarious "show us your head scar, then!" or the slightly offputting "are your parents related then*?!".



* for the record, they're not