Holiday Dreaming...

Months of one thing after another – sickness, coughs, colds, gastro, CHICKEN POX, sore backs, runny noses, returning coughs, MORE GASTRO – and a summer holiday seems particularly well deserved. I've finished work for the year, and while I only have about 1 week of leave accumulated, my employer shuts down between xmas and new year and gives us bonus leave for non-public-holidays during that time, so I'll get 2 weeks off! Gotta love it! Job going well so far too!

 

Daydreaming about:

• We’re all going on a summer holiday! 3 nights in a holiday cabin by the beach. Sandcastles. Hunting for shells. Lying down under a beach tent reading holiday novels. Fish & chips and lemonade. Beer on the veranda. I realise actually doing this with a toddler and 4 year old may not be smooth sailing, but I’m still smiling with anticipation.
• One lunch date plus a night away from both kids while they are looked after by grandparents. It’s the big 10 years for our marriage! Where did this time go? Yet look at all that has happened in this time! We look so young in the wedding photos. There isn’t really anything I’d do differently.
• Little girl walking around, pleased with her new skill that allows her to get around and carry things at the same time – something that is very difficult when you are crawling! Now she wanders from room to room, she greets me at the door when I come home, she moves little chairs and foot stools around, she can wear little skirts and dresses (do we ever grow out of playing dress-ups? Got myself a cryin’ walking’ sleepin’ talkin’ living doll!)
• Could I possibly incorporate Cliff Richard into this post one more time?
• The possibility that one day soon, my four-year-old will learn manners. This is something you have to prompt CONSTANTLY. “What do you say, E-chan?” “I didn’t hear a magic word…”. Occasionally, you yield results, and spontaneous thankyous, pleases and hellos and goodbyes spring from their dear little lips. I can still remember my own mother prompting me. Did it take me soooooo long to learn?

 Other random happenings in da street and out and about:

•  A man doing that funny little dance we do when we drop a piece of paper and it blows away in the breeze. Stomp! Missed! Run after it, swipe, miss! Stomp! Got it!
• The suburbs are alive with the sound of jack-hammering. Excavation and building works galore! One site being excavated with building starting in the new year, another being converted from warehouse to boarding house, another site will start demolition any day now. Population in our area set to grow, which is not a bad thing, really - it might yield some useful shops and restaurants closer to our house.
• For a short period of time, we are having to drive the kids to child care, as my partner has been seconded to an office in a public transport black hole, and gets parking paid for in the car park of a casino. I think I mentioned before I lack the gambling gene. First time I went to get the car and pick up the kids, I got lost in the casino. I can think of almost nothing worse than being lost in a casino. No one looks happy - everyone looks nervous. Why why why waste your money? The only thing casinos are good for are late night cocktails when everything else is closed...

ASD

Not just one, but two (ie both) of my nephews have been diagnosed with Austism Spectrum Disorder – one has is more mildly than the other. I think I might have mentioned this in a previous post. When you’re a long way from your family and they're coping with a big thing like this you feel kind of useless. I have no idea what life is like for them on a day to day basis, I have no idea whether this brings my brother and his partner to tears on occasion, and when I talk to him, the kids are around (his and mine), so it’s not appropriate to dwell on things like that.
I’ve been meaning to read up more on the topic for a while. I did a few web searches a while ago, but much of what is on the internet is either very basic introductions to the topic, or forums for parents of autistic kids (who would already have a lot of knowledge). I chatted to my brother over the internet the other weekend, and saw him interacting with his son, and could see that he was learning how to manage certain behaviours. It was so good to see. And given their first 2 children are the ones with ASD’s, they compare notes with me and my children, as they are realising they don’t really know what normal is.

So I went and found myself a book on the weekend. I’m really glad I did, although it has sent me on a mini emotional rollercoaster. Nothing compared to what my brother has gone through, I’m sure, but it still upsetting.

Autism and related disorders like Aspergers are relatively new to the world of Psychology and Psychiatry. It was first described, with a few misconceptions, in the 1940’s, with big leaps in understanding made in the 1970’s & 80’s, but there is still much to be learned. Verbal communication is a big challenge for kids with ASD – they don’t read faces well, often don’t pick up social cues and can’t really see when they’ve upset someone. At first I heard that someone with autism can lead an almost normal life, but I am beginning to understand that there may not be a great chance of that for my nephews. We’ll have to see how things develop as they grow older, of course. See how they manage school and life outside school.

There is still a lot to be learned, especially about what causes ASD’s. There seems to be some level of heritability with the condition – that is, siblings have a higher chance of getting it where there is already a diagnosed case in the family. This has led me to think about my family – has this sprung up before? And me? For a fleeting moment I dwelt upon times when I’ve missed critical social cues. But I know I don’t have this problem, nor does anyone else in my immediate family. Extended family? Not sure. Sister-in-law’s family? Even less sure. And then, is there any point in knowing this? Anyway, one of the theories is that people who develop ASD may be of the personality type that is prone to social difficulties, but ASD is brought on due to difficulties in early life, possibly even in utero. This fits with what we know about my nephews somewhat.

So, I am yet to read the chapters in my book about treatments, interventions, management, and more in depth descriptions of how someone with autism functions. This is far more practical to know about as a family member… Hoping to become a fount of knowledge, enough to bore my next dinner party with!

Over the hill, and test patch, honey!

Went to a friend’s 40th on Saturday night – my first one for someone other than my parents.

Got lost on the way there. Something must be off with my usually excellent, homing pigeon sense of direction. That, or critical street signs were missing.

Went sans husband, as he wasn’t feeling up to it. Realised at the last minute that I hadn’t shaved my armpits, and was wearing a short-sleeved dress. Husband’s response “Oh well, go French!”. One of the many reasons I love this man!

Saw a lady on my way there with bright orange legs. She really should have done a test patch with that fake tan!

And Sleazebags. How I haven’t missed thee! Right down to the shoving their head in your personal space to make themselves heard over the music, even when you aren't really interested in what they have to say.

At what point do you stop being referred to as a "girl"?

So, I'm in an open plan office, and the 3 ladies who sit near me are 8-10 years younger than me. One of the older men who works near by walks past every morning and says "morning girls"!! I find this amusing. I often wonder if people can tell I'm a mother of 2 in her mid-thirties? (Exactly in my mid-thirties, I might add). I am such a bad judge of age, but can others guess where I fit? 

I should add that I don't feel old, and I love being the age I am. But I am beginning to feel that sense that certain opportunities are going to get hard for me from now... It may be more a circumstance thing (ie 2 young kids) than age. I hope so - I hope I'll always be open to new challenges, expanding my mind, meeting new people. But I recently saw this website about words from other languages that can't be translated into an equivalent english word, and "Torschlusspanik" (from German) kind of made sense. (I also like the word "Jayus" from Indonesian!!).

But I digress. As I was saying, I sit near 3 twenty-somethings. I don't want to sound condescending - they are amazing young women. One of them came up with this website, has marketed it to law schools around the country, and earns a supplementary income from it. But I am feeling a definite generation gap here. Some of them still live at home with parents, saving money. I had to expain to them what YUP-pies stood for, and DINKs. And they still care about concepts such as being cool, and having their personality quirks (that we all have, don't we?) understood.  I suppose I am accustomed to being one of the younger ones, like the little sister in the office, and it is a suprise to find this is no longer the case. I suppose it gives me an idea of how my older friends and colleagues have viewed me up until now...

Commuting!

Oh the joys of commuting on public transport! I haven't done this since 2004, when I last worked in the city... between then and this job, it's been walking or car.

My commute is short and sharp - takes 15 minutes on the bus. I can walk if I like - it takes 50 or so minutes (I may need to work on finding a better route) - but I find I'm usually in too much of a hurry, and would rather spend time with the family than be walking a long time.

So what do you do on a bus for 15 minutes? I don't always get a seat, so rarely get a book out, or knitting. That leaves: thinking, and people watching.

Inner city bus routes always have such a mix of people! Parents with young kids on their way to child care, school kids, people in suits, Uni students, old folks, funky haircuts, experimental fashion that is actually ill-suited to a particular body type... the list goes on and on! Many people have white headphones in these days* and have their heads down while their fingers fiddle and scroll through phone and pod menus.

And the conversations. A personal favourite form of on-bus entertainment is the deeply personal phone call that everyone can hear.

So I am getting used to commuting again. I don't like waiting long for buses, and often run to catch buses that I would otherwise miss. The other day, I sprinted to the bus, got on, shoved my ticket in the slot whilst catching my breath, then looked up to catch a youngish lad in a suit with a fauxhawk staring at me with a furrowed, concerned brow. I'm not entirely sure what it was about me that didn't meet his approval!


*do I sound old or what?

Social compatability

I went out for a friend's birthday at a restaurant on Friday night. An adult party for a change! My better half was sick so he stayed home with the kids.

I (re) met someone I'd usually met before on a more - well - family setting (ie usually at kids parties or at playgroupy things), and he too was there without his partner.

He was the sort of person I don't usually warm to, and I have to say, I feel the lack of warmth coming straight back at me. I don't really know how to describe this sort of person, and these are of course just superficial observations, but they're usually blokey (but saying that, there are many blokey men I do like), are not very interested in talking about anything vaguely intellectual (or to me, interesting), conform mostly to more traditional male stereotypes, homophobic, and behave differently depending on whether their girlfriend/spouse is about. The last one is the one that sets of the biggest alarm bells for me - if they can't be themselves around their partners or their friends, how can you trust them? (Note to friends: this is not the bit where you tell me I have exactly described how my own partner is when I am not around! ...anyway, I wouldn't believe you, he's too into books and hates talking about sport).

So who did I end up talking to? Well there were a few other people I already know socially and I chatted to them, but the new person I introduced myself to was a Tim Minchen look-alike (but with proper dreads), with grungey clothing, who is a stay-at-home Dad to a 1-year-old and his older step daughter, and has read widely on child psychology and development. Cool.

Letting hair down, the importance of being earnest, and getting employed again...

Since I wrote last, my luck has turned somewhat, and a 3-day-per-week job came up that I felt I could apply for. Got an interview and the job, as it turns out! Hip hooray! My interview success rate seems to be good - there are only 2 interviews I have done that haven't lead to me getting a job, and both of those were quite informal, and the companies didn't really have a finalised idea of what they wanted a position to do, or even how many days a week, as it turns out. A friend once described me as "earnest" to my then new boyfriend (who then went on to marry me and have 2 children with me, so I don't think this description was a disservice). This earnestness can serve me well when meeting people professionally for the first time, I think.

One of the good things about this job is that I have 2 friends who already work for the same organisation (although in different buildings), and another who is nearby. Lunch dates anyone?! Oh, and Chinatown. How I have missed thee. Dumplings, noodles, more dumplings, and steamed buns!! Another good thing is that it is a longer term contract. The longest contract I've had since around 2004 was for 12 months, and I even had a few 6 month contracts, so I do look forward to being able to be in a place for a few years with stability, and feel like I'm getting good at the job I do.

I should be able to get there by walking or a short bus trip. So life is about to get busy again very soon. C-chan is going to start doing the child care drop off, and I the pick up. It's quite a walk, and rainy days will be a problem, but we'll just have to muddle through, either by taking good wet weather gear, or going home to get the car first then driving to pick them up. We've got both kids down to start at a new centre that's nearer to our house, but have no idea if and when when both places will come up. And we may get used to everything, and keep them on at their current centre, as we do love it there.

Oh, and on to more materialistic matters... I can now financially justify updating my ancient mobile phone, that while not doing very much (text, talk and very low res photos), manages to confuse me no end (even after 3 years) - nothing is intuitive, and the dictionary in its word prediction mode is just plain weird. Common English words that should be in there, aren't, and the words it predicts for me sometimes I swear must be Indonesian. Or something. And the other thing: I will get me a Cleaner. I just know that we will barely get through the loads of washing we need to each week, plus cooking and dishes. Someone else will need to do the vacuuming, floor cleaning, and bathrooms. Life is too short to be trying to cram all that in, along with 2 small children and part-time work.

And the other bit of my title - letting my hair down. I have been in a strange mood lately, that I attribute this to having only a few weeks left before starting work again. That and "having my body back" now that I've finished with breastfeeding. I have found this extremely liberating - even more so than last time. On Saturday I drank 2 glasses of wine before dinner. I played the piano for our neighbours who popped by to get their pot plant, but ended up staying a while. This is not very typically introverted behaviour. My kids thought I was hilarious when I was putting them to bed. The only thing I could think was that I should do this more often!!

My career still goes bung, boo hoo, what's that dear?

Attempts to find work have not been successful so far. Meanwhile, Astro girl has had 2 days of child care per week for 2 weeks now at the same centre as her big brother - we were offered the place and felt it would be silly to turn it down as places are rare, but unfortunately, finding a job hasn't followed yet... I was far luckier last time I came back from maternity leave - there were positions to apply for, and they went my way. This time, I've applied for a few and not been successful, or not been eligible. And had some weird interview situations. I seem to be lacking the boldness I had last time I was in this situation... becoming more wary of my own limitations, less willing to try anything. I suppose it's a case of being more experienced and wiser, but I don't think it's working in my favour.

Finding quality part-time work is a real challenge. For starters, I'm only available on 3 certain days a week, and I can't change those days easily - it would mean waiting for BOTH my kids to get child care days on different days of the week. Most part-time jobs have lower levels of responsibility, and hence also lower pay rates and are more mundane. So I've had a few moments of devastation - that I have no career; that I'm not likely to "get back in" to areas of work I'd like to be in any time soon (or maybe never); that while my hubby establishes his career in his particular field (since 2007) and works atrocious hours, I can't really do the same, or our life will be mayhem; that I've had a few unsuccessful interviews; that I'm still worried that I'm losing what skills I have; that I have no useful "trade"; that when I get to interviews and they ask the inevitable "what would you call your biggest strength?" I go COMPLETELY blank.

Then on the other hand, I have the kids. They are lovely, and I wouldn't swap being the mum of this family for the world.

Astro girl is crawling, cruising, climbing. She's cheeky, wants to join in on everything that everyone else does, and I'm sure she's bright, curious, talkative (for her age), and beautiful. She's a year old now, by the way. Time just flies.

E-chan is equally gorgeous. He bought me flowers yesterday (OK, with his dad's help, but it was his idea). He's interested in learning to read, has started drawing a lot, is creative (he can tell a good yarn too), sweet, and funny. And he's FOUR.

So life has its mixed blessings, I know. At least I have time to go to the gym once a week, and tend the pot plants. But I will need a job before too long, to bring some income into the house. Or else we will go backwards. And if you hear of a decent 2-3 day a week part time job going in Inner Sydney...

Graffiti by omission

I wish I knew if there is a proper term for this... it's something I noticed a lot when I first moved to Sydney, especially on trains: people deface signs by scratching out or subtly changing letters to make them humorous.

E.g. on trains: "at night time, rave with the guards under the blue light" (where "rave" used to be "travel")

The other month I saw a cracker on the side of a van - I keep seeking it parked near my home, and I'm surprised it hasn't been fixed...

Originally, it would have been:

"Decrease your home loan costs. The broker with nothing to hide!"

Now, it reads:

"Decrease your melon costs. Broke with nothing to hide!"

Made me chuckle!
Have you seen any graffiti by omission lately?

Week 5 (?) of bad sleep and our conversational ability is degraded somewhat...

After what seems like many weeks now of bad sleep - due to Astro-girl finally getting colds after a dream run of not, and the rest of us catching them too and feeling generally like cr*p - we are exhausted! 
Sick babies have trouble breathing through their noses, and there isn't much you can do but get up to them and give them a hug when they cry, wipe their little noses, give them a drink, or give them something for their fever if they have one. E-chan has been sleeping through his sister's wakings, despite sharing a room with her, and waking us up on separate occasions most nights. So despite a only being woken once last Saturday night, lately it's been more like 3 times a night. On average. Leaves you running on reserve most days, scatty, feeling like you have mountains of stuff you should be doing, but just can't.

This is coupled with end of financial year mahem at C-chan's work, resulting in long hours, with variable coming-home times. We're lucky if he's home for dinner with us one weeknight a week, and even then we're usually more than half way through our dinner before he gets home. I'm pretty fed up with it all.

The other morning C-chan left for work, and said good bye. I replied:

"Right, see you later tonight, when at least one of the kids will probably be in bed already, the house will be a mess because I won't have managed to clean up dinner or the toys yet, your dinner will be cold, and you can complain about having to do housework after such a long day at work, countered by my complaint that I haven't managed to even get to half the housework so don't you start, before Astro girl wakes up and screams for 2 hours straight".

We both had to agree that this pretty much sums things up lately. Things go in phases with kids, and usually there are many good weeks that go by without much reflection that they are indeed good. But gee, would be nice for this phase to pass by soon.*

*PS last night we only had one waking, yay!

Repeated mistakes...

• Tissues in pockets going through the wash; little fluffy bits of white all over out clothes. Not just once, but 3 times in a week!
• A lack of accumulated accessories to wear - particularly belts, shoes. This is purely because I don't have the time on my own to shop for them,.
• Managing my son's egg and sesame allergies at parties. Oh man, we have been spoilt by having a group of friends who are allergy-aware, because about 3 of the little boys have egg allergies, and a few of them have multible allergies. I find cashews are easy to avoid. But the suprise hommus sandwiches on the kiddy tray, next to the cheese and ham sandwiches? Didna notice! And while E-chan is fine with eating some cooked egg, say in cake, without much ill effect, I forget to ask about the likelihood of raw egg being somewhere in the mix. Raw egg white is a no-no. Result? Mess requiring buckets and mops. When are we gonna learn? C-chan and I clearly need a pre-party battle plan, but are so scatterbrained of late we just don't get around to it. At least he is all better after a dose of antihistamine, and we managed to take that along with us.

Venting the little annoyances of life

You know your life is privileged when your list of life's little irritations cover such trivial issues in the big scheme of things. However, if we don't vent them from time to time, we risk going bonkers. Here's a list of things that drive me up the wall... how about you?

1. People who stand still on the escalators and block your way past - the escalator is a means to speed your way up a level, not a sideshow ride!!
2. Shop assistants, when giving you your change, putting the coins ON TOP OF THE NOTES! Really, how hard is it to put the coins in your hand first, followed by the notes? Maybe I'm just unco, but I find the coins slip off our plastic note currency if placed on top, and have dropped them countless times.
3. Drunks/teenagers breaking empty bottles of alcohol on the footpath. OK, I know they're drunk, but are they so disconnected from people who ride bikes and push prams that they don't realise they are creating a danger to young kids and pneumatic tyres?
4. Girls like colours other than pink too! Do you hear that, department stores? And I don't just mean purple...
5. LED down light sellers - do I really need to get an electrician to change over my high energy usage halogen down lights to an LED alternative, or can someone somewhere just tell us how to do it ourselves and which globes to buy?
6. Those voice-overs the commercial TV networks do over their Drama promos. You know - they put on this creepy (yet ocker) voice, almost a whisper... "And in this weeks' episode of _____ Bill has his work cut out for him.... but you'll never guess what Nancy has planned next!". I want to know WHO DECIDED THAT WAS A GOOD IDEA? Why can't they talk normally?
7. SATC II: am I the only female not getting a posse of my girlfriends together to see this movie? Yeah - power to them for covering topics supposedly of interest to and from the perspective of females, vacuous and superficial as they are... Am I the only female who's watched a few episodes of this show and decided it's not really that interesting? I'd rather watch "Anne of Green Gables". (Love me, don't judge me!)

Neighbours (becoming friends, and freaky noises in the night, part 5)

We had a nice little kiddy corner thing going on in our end of our apartment complex. Next door, there were twin boys (now 16 months), and across the corridor, a family of 5 with kids between 6 and 11. The other two mums were home most days, and we could poke our heads out the door and say "hello", chat when we needed adult company, or lend obscure cooking ingredients or appliances. It was nice to have people living nearby who you know are sympathetic when kids cry/chuck tantrums/are being sent to the naughty corner.

But last month, the family with twins moved to the next suburb, and now the other family have bought another unit in the complex - not so far away, but not across the corridor any more. The nice thing is we have become friends with these families, and will keep seeing them.

So what are the new neighbours like? Hard to tell so far, but relatively quiet. They are a couple, and seem nice enough. The fella's work takes him away from home for weeks at a time, so his partner has friends/relatives come to stay with her. She is a sports psychologist and dance instructor!

Last night I we were getting ready for bed, and heard a weird thumping. We thought "oh no, late Sunday night renovations?" I went out into the corridor to try to work out what the noise was, and thought it sounded a bit too rhythmically perfect for a hammer.... then the noise stopped and was finished off with a round of applause from a few people! It was TAP DANCING!

Now I know what it was, it won't bother me again!

Back atcher, babe!

Things my son has said to us recently (and his tone and choice of words sound eerily familiar...):

1.  "Sometimes you just have to let me have some biscuits/watch one more show/stay up later!"
2.   Us:  Why do you have to talk ALL the time?
     Him:  Because I do!
3.  "Astrid, you have to let Mummy cut your fingernails, otherwise they will grow in and hurt!!"
4.  "Mummy, if I leave the light on in the toilet, you have to leave it on for me for next time!"

I have to confess that the unsatisfactory answers to his questions, along the lines of "Because we said so!" are creeping into our repertoire, just because of the sheer volume of questions asked about everything under the sun and beyond!

No human being is capable of devoting all their childs' waking hours to giving entirely satisfactory, age appropriate answers to every question... especially when you have a son such as ours who talks constantly, and half of that time is asking questions, even when he knows the answer.

This is tough, because I really do want my son to learn and feel important, and when I can, I give careful, considered answers to his questions. But the rest of the time, I have other stuff going on in my head (you know, minor stuff like keeping the household going, looking after a baby and all that it entails), and for short pockets of time, I might actually be having a thought that doesn't involve anyone else's life or ideas but my own!

Oh the compromises you have to make!