Have spent much time lately pondering the complex relationship that exists between families, due to family visits that coincided from my family and my partners'. Now that I am part of another family, I have to understand the whys, whos and wherefores of what makes this family tick and behave they way they do, and there are endless contrasts to make with my own family. Understanding is one thing, tolerance and enjoying each other's company are different matters.
Last weekend made me think about the following points a lot:
- two people can have many attitudes, beliefs and approaches in common, but take it back a generation, and it becomes startlingly apparent that only part of what makes up each individual comes from your family.
- risk management was something I thought I only had to deal with at work, but it seems families have different approaches to this also. Some parents try to manage risk in relationships e.g. by trying to assert a sense of need for each other where there needn't be any. This of course could be avoiding the fact that the relationship is not based on affection as much as the parties would like. By contrast, families who like each other and feel genuine affection don't feel the need to assert this feeling of "practical reliance".
- the value of wanting to learn and improve yourself on all levels. I have a newfound respect for this, after observing how four 50-something year olds approach this differently.
- also interesting to ponder how people get stuck in grooves like old records, and stretch excuses to cover why they can't change, while others recognise patterns in their lives and take steps to change things they don't like or is bad for them. The latter is an extremely valuable skill where you have sufficient wealth and time to do so.
Enough deep pondering about families for now.
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