Bitch with an itch

For those of you who haven't seen me, I must reveal that I am one to suffer from the eczema. At certain times of the year (such as now, the hayfever season...), my skin flares up on some obvious places... around my eyes and on my throat, and on my hands. And like any condition that is obvious, people think that gives them a licence to offer (extremely) unqualified advice... From people I know, this can be a bit torturous - I have to smile and nod and wait until the conversation reaches its natural end, all the while bearing in mind that they care and are only trying to help. However, complete strangers, who I can only think don't give a toss about me, still throw me their two bobs worth.

I have never resorted to saying point blank "I don't want to talk about it and don't want your amateur advice", but sometimes I get close after an extremely frustrating set of "suggestions". The conversation usually starts like this:

"Oooh! what's that rash on your (insert body part)?"
"Eczema"
"Oh!" (pause while they think.... here it comes, any second now....) "Have you tried (insert wonder cure-all that I just MUST try)?"

My answer is either "yes", "yes but it doesn't work for me" or "no, but that is for another skin condition such as soriasis which is a different disease altogether". And by now, my physical reaction to them broaching the topic is usually the equivalent to a cat having their back arched, hair on end, and claws clenched.

But sadly, the conversation rarely ends there! These people seem to always get me pinned where I can't get away... at a meeting where I'm temporarily standing away from the group doing something, when I'm changing E-chan's nappy, when I'm purchasing something from their shop... otherwise I'd just smile politely and go somewhere else.

"My sister in law's cousin tried blahdy-blah blah and it worked a treat" (good for her)
"Is it itchy?" (no I'm just scratching as a conversation starter)
"I hear these kinds of conditions are linked to stress" (you can piss right off right now and stop making judgements about my mental condition)

I have decided I need a change in approach to nip this conversation on the bud before it starts. I have tried everything over the years to get people to shut up about it, and I can honestly say noone giving this unasked-for advice ever has any experience with persistent adult eczema, nor has offered any advice that has helped. Lately I have taken to asking them what they know about the condition and lecturing them with the latest, and that there are three broad aspects to being eczema-free:-

- not being born with the genes that seem to make you vulnerable

- avoiding the cause (for me, mostly airborn allergens such as dustmites, ryegrass pollen, mould, and possibly some food chemicals found in processed AND natural foods, avoiding which is impossible to do without living in a bubble!)

- then giving your many layers of skin a chance to grow through undamaged by avoiding irritants (have you ever tried not using any detergents?), and constantly moisturising with unscented emolients which from trial and error you find don't make matters worse.

Strangely, perhaps realising that getting rid of eczema isn't straightforward, at this point they do tend to shut up...