adjustments, adjustments

I do hear of children who go to bed at a set time every night, without fuss, and who have a day nap every day, without argument. Not our little boy. Our little boy is a routine smasher. As soon as you feel like you’re getting into a routine of some kind, he will start struggling against it, and will enforce a change. We think he thinks too much. It runs in the family. Sometimes something else will break a routine – a visiting relative, a trip interstate, moving house, getting sick - which happens often and disrupts sleep patterns big time. But much of the time, he just works out what is going on with his bedtime routine, decides to throw a new thing into the mix to keep us on our toes, and we need to work out how to reign him in so we can get him to bed at a reasonable hour and have some time to ourselves to discuss, well, adult things.

For example: we read to him every evening before he gets into bed, and have done so since he was tiny. It’s time alone with him, time to look at pictures, learn, cuddle, and hear stories. For a long time we’d read 3 books, then put him to bed. Then at some time he started to demand “more?”. Then before you know it, he has tantrums when you stop reading! Tired at the end of our days too, it can take us a few nights to come up with the right counter argument.

Multiply the above negotiation by 10 as you add in all the little necessary steps that have to happen before going to bed. On a bad night, every one of these steps can require negotiation:
1) going upstairs
2) washing/bathing
3) nudie streaking from the bathroom to the bedroom (lately has included bonus shrieking – not very conducive to toning things down for bed time)
4) Nappy change and PJ’s
5) Getting room set up for sleep (soft lighting, toys away, comfort items such as teddy and cup of water at hand)
6) Choosing a book or 3
7) Reading books
8) Hopping into bed (and staying there)
9) Low-key end of day conversations, singing lullabyes, cuddles
10) Going to sleep

So at any given stage (or all of the above stages), our little boy can throw something new into the mix, refusing to do something, or insisting on something new. I hear you all saying “so don’t put up with nonsense – what’s wrong with you?”. Well to that I say we are no-nonsense parents, but it ain’t that easy. Toddlers get upset when they can't make themselves understood, and when they feel they haven't been getting their way all day which is unavoidable some days.

It’s down to how you say “no”. If you say "no" the wrong way, it leads to whole new conversations, or worse – tantrums. And at the end of a long day, your brain isn’t always at its most inventive. Once I got cross with him and told him in a very firm voice that “Be quiet and go to bed NOW, you are making me very cross!”. And it worked once, but never again. It only seems that on those odd days when I feel well fed and rested at the end of a day, I respond to these challenges thrown at me in a way I’m proud of, that leaves me beaming with parental wisdom. I often think it would all be easier if my little boy would just have a day nap and give us a moment to ourselves to recharge. But it’s been over 6 months since that has happened reliably - time to give up that dream.

I’ve had “morning” sickness* for the last month and a half, which hasn’t made it easier. Add to the equation me feeling pathetic, tired, on the verge of throwing up, or actually throwing up, as many as 4 times in a day. Hardly equates to an influx of innovative parenting ideas. Blargh. Literally. But the nausea is easing off, and is now a dry retch before breakfast every 2nd or 3rd day.

Saying all that – we’re getting there, and things are getting easier lately. And happy toddler = happy parent = happier toddler, and so on, in one massive feedback loop mechanism. I feel infinitely better equipped to deal with all this 2nd time around. Except there will be two of them. But by the time #2 hits toddlerhood, E-chan will be a big, responsible 5-year-old, so the collective wisdom of my parents and friends with older kids tells me. I can’t help but think it will be easier....

* by the way, we’re pregnant again!