5318008

(Remember that trick you do with the calculator, where you end up with "5318008", and get the person holding the calculator to turn it upside down and read it, and it's a rude word?! This is my oh so clever way of avoiding spam....)

So, 5318008.

This will be my last ever post on the matter, promise! You may remember me mentioning* this last time I had a baby. I had a bit of trouble with breastfeeding. Main trouble was my baby didn't latch on properly for 9 weeks or so, and I couldn't produce enough milk, had to top up with formula, express milk, take pills of various kinds etc etc. There was also some possibility that my 8008's just didn't produce much milk. Something to do with boob shape - the midwives have been a lot more honest with me about it this time (last time they were frustratingly sketchy about it).

Well this time, with all other issues not an issue (ie Astrid feeds well, and like last time, I've done everything possible** to increase my supply), we still find we produce a woeful amount of milk. Plateauing at about 1/2 to 2/3 of what she needs. So it seems that yes, I do have the type of 8008's that don't produce much milk.

Non-mothers out there probably accept this without much question. But I find there are some breastfeeding advocates who don't accept this. They read in baby books sentences like "Only a small proportion of mothers will not have enough milk for their baby..." and for some reason interpret it as if everyone should have enough, when in fact a small proportion don't, and I'm one of them! I tell them I'd have to feed hourly around the clock or more often to satisfy my baby's needs, and maybe still not have enough, and their response is "well I had to feed every 2 hours for a while..." as if having to do that for a few weeks in the late afternoon while establishing supply or during a growth spurt is the same as having a baby that doesn't gain weight and has no energy. Anyway, enough of my whinging. I'm going to talk to the lactation nurse to find out the official medical term for someone like me, and have it ready to throw at the next "breastfeeding nazi" I come across! Also, people accept that some women have "fast flow" of milk without judgement, so why not slow flow too?

So what about the shape of my 8008's? See picture above. I found this courtesy of the Post Secret site, and was excited, as I rarely ever, in this silicone age, see breasts in images that look like mine! But they exist! Mine aren't tatooed, unfortunately, and are a little more rounded as I am breastfeeding. But they are kind of like the image above. I'm at peace with them now - they are how they are, even though poorly equipt with milk ducts. My husband likes them. And they produce roughly half of what my baby needs. Fortunately I also live in a 1st world country with adequate hygiene for formula feeding, formulas are a lot better these days, and I can co-bottle feed, and I don't have to hire a wet-nurse to feed my baby (or much, much worse...). So we're doing the unusual feeding method of breastfeeding at each feed, and topping up with a bottle. I'd love to just breastfeed, but can't. I'm not lazy, and nor am I ignorant about what needs to be done to maximize milk supply. So there!

All is going well! She's lovely, and we love her to bits. Nuff said.

* just a bit.

** believe me

21st century girl

Here's our little girl, Astrid Kate!

She's doing well, and we are all happy, even E-chan who is coping quite well with having to share our attention.

Some things of note (no time for full elaborations!):
- She is lovely - an absolute joy.
- I'm enjoying having a girl more than I thought I would, although there is little difference between newborn boys and girls (besides their genitalia).
- I'm coping with the lack of sleep better than I thought I would.
- Parenting 2nd time around is a comparative breeze - I'm nowhere near as anxious this time.

Will post again another day - today I suffer mummy-brain... my brain changes topics on me before I can commit them to type, and I just want to veg on the couch.

Now there are 3...

The baby is only a few days away now.

After months of this being in the background, as something that will happen, we're suddenly almost there. The baby things are more or less ready, and family is set to visit (including "Grandma" - my Mum - arriving today). C-chan and I more or less know what we're in for.

Now as we focus on our son, we realise how much this is going to rock his world. He can't fully comprehend what is ahead of him, as much as we tell him and hope he understands. C-chan and I have a bit of a difficult task trying to keep things normal for him over the coming months while his world changes. Loving grandparents will be here, but that won't be the same as when it was just Mum, Dad and him.

At the same time, he's being an absolute trooper most of the time. He kisses the baby's things, seems to be accepting that some things aren't his but belong to the baby (a difficult concept for him so far). He's being adorable, despite feeling rotten with a cold recently. He walks along, holding my hand, proud of wearing his new dinosaur back pack, and he is my little friend.

Sorry - must be hormones. I keep bursting into tears today. Dropping E-chan off at Kindy seemed to be the hardest thing ever this morning, and he wanted to stay with me rather than play with anyone. But I need to rest, and get over this cold before Friday... somehow...

So much for resting...

So work wrapped up last week, and it took a grand total of 4 days for E-chan to come down with a cold. He spent Monday home with me with runny nose and goobery eye, Tuesday having a short day at Kindy, and Wednesday at Kindy, and yesterday coughing and spluttering with me at home. Today seems have a return of a snotty nose PLUS a bonus worsening cough.

I seem to have that feeling between my eyes that I'm coming down with it too (or is that from being woken 5 times last night!?).

Getting cabin fever big time - I'd rather be out seeing friends, or sleeping. Yesterday my attempt at a nap resulted in 30 mins lying down, whilst darling son crawled around my bed, showed me how clever he was at naming things on his flashcards, built a pillow fort, and said "mummy open eyes!!" whenever it looked like I might actually doze off!!

I'm beginning to think "thank goodness for Playschool, The Land Before Time, Chuggington, Charlie and Lola, and Skunk Fu" (see ABC Kids website if any of those need interpretation). And at least I'm getting through the many loads of washing I need to do before visitors and new baby descend upon our house!! And a few boxes of eco-nappies (well the best you can do if you're not doing cloth) were delivered this morning, very conveniently at 8am, only a day after I ordered them!

Outside, it is cool and blustery today. They are recommending that pregnant women wear masks when they go out, due to a few Flu hospitalisations that have happened out west of Sydney. But I might need to venture out for our sanity - maybe a bandanna will do? But E-chan's cough is a worry. Trips to inside shopping centres might be all we manage...

Parental leave

So here we are again, on parental leave. Different this time... last time, it was me enjoying time pretty much entirely to myself, with a few minor things to get done before the baby came, catching up with friends, and waiting... waiting... my mum came to visit, my mum had to leave again as she was rostered on to work she couldn't get out of, but still no baby! Waiting... for a baby that came 10 days "late". And we didn't really have a clue what we were in for.

This time - things are brought forward about 10 days due to the birth being a planned caesarian, I have about 2 weeks between finishing work (last Wed) and the baby (just under 2 weeks away! yeeeheee!), only part of that time will I will have to myself, and there seem to be endless little bits and pieces to do. I'm seriously gonna have to factor in some rest time somehow. But the days when Ethan goes to kindy go ridiculously fast. This time we hope we are ready to metaphorically sit back and enjoy the baby more, to not be so anxious. We know pretty much what is coming.

3 good friends have had babies recently - welcome to the world Patrick, Charley and Jesse. 2 of these are in the same city and I'm hoping I will now have time to visit them and bring their Mums food!

The last few weeks of work were hectic as you'd expect, but I got some good stuff done. This time it seems I have a job to go back to (but it's still reliant on contracts and funding...). At least my employers seem keen, and there might even be someone doing my job in my absence, which a week ago wasn't even discussed, but is kind of a relief.

Arthur? Martha? What? Who? How? WHEN?

Things are busy here at Chateau Meri. I realised over the weekend that there are only around 6 weeks until the arrival of the baby (by caesarian, I've decided), and had a bit of a melt down. On top of work being busy (don't want to talk about that, though), tomorrow is E-chan's birthday, and it is the first time he really gets what is going on, wants a party, and wanted to invite friends. Cute. It's a busy time of year for birthdays, because most of my Mother's group have birthdays around this time. Makes sense - that's how we met. But means there is something on each weekend.

BUT EVEN MORE STUFF TO DO!

I don't think I'm going to have much time between going on Mat leave and baby, so we have been packing all sorts of things into our weekends and week days. Fixing windows, painting oppressively dark bookshelves white, taking stock of our newborn clothes, bedding, bottles and bunny rugs, putting the rail back on the cot, re-arranging E-chan's room to accomodate his baby sister*, doctor's appointments, keeping toddlers amused, and mediating fights and tantrums caused by not wanting to share toys.

On top of that, a housing development - which is opposed by most residents in the area AND the council - has come back "revised" but not really any better, and residents in our area have had only a few weeks to gather responses (as opposed to those who propose the developments, who do it as a full-time job). We have reason to fear Council and resident objections will be ignored, the development will go ahead, and a precious patch of winter light and natural heating will be lost.

Health-wise we are OK. I had a cold, which has cleared mostly, but at the Dr's I recorded possibly my lowest ever blood pressure reading. Better than having hypertension, yes, but also means I can feel lethargic and dizzy. Baby is bearing down hard on my cervix lately, yet my lungs feel compressed and I feel breathless. Pregnancy is feeling much more undignified this time around. I probably have more on my plate this time, but it's partly age I think. Amazing what a difference it makes being only 3 years older. Greatest of respect to those to manage pregnancy in their 40's.

I am so far behind in writting letters/emails to dear friends, it's not funny. My hair hasn't had a trim for half a year. I better stop listing this stuff or I will have another melt down...

x

* too hard to keep it a secret this time - looks like we're having a girl.

Re-feathering the nest

Little E-chan has moments when he is keen as mustard to take on the big brother role – this is particularly after he sees other sets of siblings behaving in a positive way. But I suppose we can only expect that it will be normal from now on for him to embrace change in spurts, and downright reject it at other times. Sometimes within 30 minutes of each other. Not completely unlike adults, just different issues, I suppose.

Lately he’s quite interested in the baby in my belly and talking about how it's going to be once his sibling is here. He even hugs and kisses my belly, which is sweet. Sometimes he runs off to kindy all enthusiastic, waving goodbye to us like a little boy, sometimes he almost cries when we leave. Sometimes he runs into our room crying in the middle of the night, scared of something, sometimes he strolls into our room beaming at us as soon as we show signs of being awake in the morning. But overall, he's adjusting well, being adorable, and toilet training is going really well - not sure when he'll be out of night nappies, but for the timebeing, few accidents in the day time.

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One thing I’m excited about is re-feathering the nest.

I've gone through E-chan’s baby clothes, sorted through them, and started to give away the ones we don’t think we’ll need. Friends are lending us a baby capsule for the car, a carrier and a baby bath. Time to make sure the clothes, toys and other stuff for 0-6 month-olds are all clean and not dusty and ready for use. Time to clear out the spare half of the wardrobe in the kid’s room and make sure there is room for baby stuff to go in! Time to look into BPA-free baby bottles and pumps, and prams/transport arrangements that will work with 2 of them...

Climate fighting chicks

http://www.1millionwomen.com.au/index.cfm

This campaign challenges 1 million (Australian?) women to reduce their carbon emissions by a tonne.

Also some discussion forums where people share tips on being green. Early days yet, but it looks good. Sign up, and get your employer to sponsor/be a partner!

Minding other people's children - a great test of parenthood

I've done the odd spot of babysitting, and most of those times, the kids have already been in bed asleep before I arrived.

Today I am venturing into new territory. I have a polite little boy called Louis playing at our place this morning. I know him quite well, and they just live around the corner. But haven't done this before.

Safety isn't really a problem. Our open plan living room means I can see much of what goes on without having to budge. I hope I have the toilet and food and drinks covered, and I'm trying to be interested but not intervene too much. My bossy, talkative little boy keeps trying to tell Louis what to do, but Louis, the relatively quiet 2nd child, puts up with it like a trooper... so far...

Denial all around us...

I'm trying not to get too depressed about the lack of government action on climate change. I'm trying not to get too worried about how easy it is for climate change denialists to convince most average and many well educated people that climate change has nothing to do with atmospheric carbon. What sort of world am I bringing children into? (and please don't point out overpopulation to me... am aware of this, and at least I am stopping at 2 children - everything going well).

So what am I doing in my own "backyard"? Well we currently have silly European-style (except not double glazed) push-out windows. We've been looking into how we could put insect screens in, so we can leave windows open for ventilation without the bother of mosquitos and flies. The best solution, all things such as blinds considered, was to convert them to wind-out windows. The other benefit of this conversion is we can now lock our windows slightly open, without worrying about certain little people working out how to climb up and falling out. Next step: insect screens some time before September, which is when the nocturnal mozzies started bothering us last year....

Second - am investigating the retrofitting of ceiling insulation on behalf of our unit complex. More than half of the units have uninsulated corrugated iron rooves (the rest are underneath other apartments). They planned to insulate at the time of building 10 years ago, but Shonky Bros builders didn't manage to get around to installing. Or something. People are putting in air conditioning to micromanage their climates, but some of us would rather insulate and use fans and better ventilation. So far, have investgated the Govt rebate scheme, clarified how strata units are eligible, and now I need to get quotes (some rooves are v high up, some ceilings have down lights, no ceilings have internal access...).

Third - I have a tub of borax under my sink. Haven't managed to use it yet, but it's there!!

Fourth - have worked out how to hang my sheets out to dry without having to use the dryer.

So much more I could do...

Who needs toilet training now?

E-chan had been going a bit backwards with the old toilet training, so we decided to do the one thing we hadn't done successfully yet, and that most toilet training guides recommend: not react to accidents. Sounds easy, but you try and always maintain a cheerful "oopsie!" attitude, even when your toddler is on their 6th pair of pants for the day, and most of the times they'd had accidents, you'd asked them a minute prior if they needed to go, and their answer was a resolute "no!".

But anyway, we did it, and now he's being a big going to the toilet himself champ! Finally. Now we just need to stop the night nappies. All in due time.

Perhaps I should work on me first? On top of the pregnancy-related poor pelvic floor muscle strength issues (ahem), I just had an accident...

Just then, he was on the potty. He wanted to watch playschool while he widdled. Fair enough. So when he finished, I picked up his potty to empty it, and crashed into a chair, spilling its contents on the floor and a nearby chair.

Good one, Mum!

Favourite things...

Roll over rain drops on roses and whiskers on kittens. OK so mine don't rhyme, but here's a current list:
- Walking along a footpath on a sunny, crisp autumn day, holding hands with my nearly three-year old who semi-skips (gallops?) from time to time.
- Singing "I love E-chan!", and getting a "I love mummy!" in response in roughly the same tune.
- Making anzac biscuits with E-chan. I started getting things ready, and he went and grabbed his step stool, put it next to me to stand on and said "I want to help lou!" (he doesn't quite say "y"s yet, and kind of says something that sounds more like an "L"). He helped me to pour cupfuls of dry ingredients into the mixing bowl.
- funny and adorable half-asleep conversations and gestures.
- Going around to friends houses to play. E-chan was invited to play at his friend Louis' house - he goes to the same kindy, and lives just around the corner. They greet each other with a hug, and have a whale of a time! Meanwhile, I scoot around town, getting stuff done for the morning(including picking up E-chan's new bed! finally we can put his mattress up off the floor!).
- Baby-sitting vouchers as birthday presents. This rocked. Thanks J!

Now I just have to spend some time on many emails that seem to be piling up in my inbox, not responded to...

Dancing to own beat

There's a junkie who lives or hangs out near my work. I often see him on my way home, gesticulating to the sky/talking to God, taking photos of random things with a mobile phone, dancing and skipping along to his own beat. He's often wearing only jeans, which hang dangerously low on his hips, exposing the creases that go diagonally down from the hip to between the legs on skinny men's bodies.

A few weeks ago, I was having a lunch-time catch up with my boss outside the tea room on the 5th floor of my building. I was looking outwards, over her shoulder, where I could see junkie-guy doing the most intense dance ever on the top of a nearby multi-storey car park. You know, a re-enacting Flashdance kind or dance. It was quite distracting.

pregnancy pragmatism

How's the pregnancy going? Have you been very sick?
Yes - foul morning sickness.
Oh you must be having a girl! I have a feeling you might...
I had dreadful morning sickness last time too. I think I have a 49% chance of having a girl.
---(change of topic)---

So do you find as you approach the latter stages of pregnancy - I hear - that pregnant women start to find they feel happy and are looking forward to the baby once they feel less tired and sick...
Uh, dunno. Suppose it depends on your personal situation. If you have uncertainty with your housing or job or finances, it would make things even more stressful.
---(change of topic)---

Listen to hissy fit over the phone as someone jumps the gun and over-reacts. Can feel eyelids sitting half way down my lids, patiently wait for it to end, and calmly state my point of view.

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Nice to be feeling rational and confident. A month or two ago I was a mess every time I saw a child get hurt on TV for example.